• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: streaM Freak

Addicted Couples

G

GoAskAlice79

Greenlighter
Joined
May 27, 2014
Messages
12
Location
3rdCoast
We are both addicts. His use is much more progressive than my own. My use is more codependent. I use mostly because he does. My resistance is much better. He disappeared Friday and just resurfaced today. His family is trying to get him into rehab. I agree this should happen. I myself am going to find sobriety and receive counseling. He should be going today. They are not telling me much due to the fact I enable him so much and we use together and I myself need to work on me. This I understand. Last time he left and called me to come get him, I did, this was a mistake. Any tips for addicted couples working on sobriety apart from each other? We will not speak to one another due to obvious rules of getting clean or some time. Any tips would be awesome. My road starts tomorrow, today I am researching for myself and my recovery and having my last hurrah by myself. Nothing too serious, I am at the low end on use.
 
Hey AskAllice.. and welcome to blue light. If he is going to a typical rehab they are going to highly discourage him from taking back up with you. I would take this time to find your own path to recovery. If either one of you are useing then the relationship will take ya both down.. I would just let the relationship go for awhile and focus on you. If you guys are meant to reunite then thats exactly what will happen.

In order for this to happen then you both will have had to address your addictions and heal from its wounds..

If you "use mostly because he does" then with him being gone you should have an easy go at it.. just be careful your not rationalizing or deflecting responsibility. ;)

You can do this.. some great wisdom and support around BL.. hope you make this part of your recovery plan if you think it will benefit you. If you want to share what drugs you use people with similar tastes can add in specific advice.

Sorry your being split from your man for a time.. <3
 
He is with family and they are having a hard time getting him to agree to go. He keeps going back and forth. He has already called asking me to go get him and bring him home. I refused. I can't be a crutch. I am going tomorrow to start my counseling program sign up and appointment setting. I have stuff to work on. If I work on that I won't have a 'reason' to use and if he gets better then it all falls into place for us. This is hard denying him. I usually bend at his every request. I finally realize that I can't fix him. I hope very much so that he will go to treatment. His family is willing to go bankrupt to help him. He has a wonderful support system. I hope he goes to treatment because I don't want to eventually bury my best friend. And big surprise, planned for my hurrah and I just don't want to. It's just sitting in the drawer, it's not even calling my name. I may never quit smoking pot, it helps me sleep and with anxiety, why would I!!!! But I have no desire to really use harder things. I just have to get past the opiate withdraw and that is easier with all the tips on here. Nothing else I use has physical withdraw, thank goodness. I am ready for change. I need change. I just hope he makes changes too. I love him dearly I may lose him for being harsh and not enabling him anymore or because it may be part of his recovery. I don't know. But I don't want to lose him and be saying goodbye from a casket.
 
I also want to add that he had agreed to go this evening and backed out. I hoping he keeps calling because he called before him calling to come home and we talked about him and treatment. He seemed so receptive. I think now the family sees my stance and maybe I can help convince him it's time. He called to speak on speaker phone to our furchild that he seems to miss so terribly. I told him that we may not end up together and that I understand but without giving this your all and going you will not see our furbaby. It's the only bargaining chip I seem to have that he responds to even remotely. When I said that be said he was going to find a place that was no so religion based. That's fine. Just please go get help. After a lot of thought and conversation with the closest friends I see where I have screwed up all this time. I really hope this works for him. He has become very unhappy. With me or without me as his partner I want him to have a happy life free of being sick, sleepless nights and empty pocket books. He has the potential to do great things and have much success and have a happy care free existence. I have my fingers crossed and I'm holding my breath.
 
Drugs of choice to help with responses:::: always dabbled in opiates, after surgery (each of us had a surgery) we became severely addicted. This year we fell into the ice hole. I hate it. I have been stuck in it before. Smoked it for 6 years was off it for about 5 and here I am. I only had smoked it, he snorted. Very quickly he destroyed his sinuses due to heavy use of nose through out his party days of many different things. So then after asking many times, because I told him I would fight that till the death because I knew he would like it and here we are, it's his favorite. I even had learned to iv myself. I am mad at myself. I always swore I would never hit a vien... As soon as he did I followed suit. This all has to stop before it kills us. Might not today but may in the future. I will not stop smoking pot. It has too many positive uses for some of my ailments. Any advice r or input welcome and appreciated!!!
 
The one best thing I heard about relationships is that there are three relationships in a successful partnership between two humans: your relationship with yourself; your partners's relationship with themselves; and the relationship between the two of you.

Unles all those three things are functioning correctly then you tend to be looking at a 'toxic' relationship that won't work in the long-run. Of course people can change from maladaptive patterns of behaviour to more productive ones and make the relationship work.

Having no contact whilst going throught trestment is a good thing, it let's you find out more about yourself without having the distraction of another hunab being.

Getting someone to go to rehab can be hard, luckily when I went I was just ready for the relief and felt totally done (accidentally injecting in to an artery the night before I was booked to go in was kind of the straw that broke the camels back)

How long is he in rehab for if he goes?

I did two months of treatment and it was s really good experiene. I relapsed (but then most do) but I learnt a lot about myself and learnt a lot of tools to fight addiction. 30day programmes are no where near enough, that's just detox and some lightweight group therapy and a couple of one to one counselling sections (or more depending on where you go.how much money you pat etc). Really you need a good 3 months primary care where you are commited to a scheduled care plan zll day every day, then 3 months of seondary that is just group meetings maybe four times a week and some time catching uo with your counsller. If he has a fully entrenbhed drug problrm 30 days isn't going to be enough to sort it IMO.

Goof kuck to both of you, I'm currently detoxing from 24ng of buoe,
 
His use could be much much worse I assure you. I believe my protest to a lot of things he says he wants to do has kept him from jumping off the edge. This is the worst it has ever been and it's falling fast. I don't know many details about where he would go yet I am very in the dark as of right now. I think his family is still afraid I will rescue him. He has called three times asking me to come get him to come home. I refused. I told him I can not help him kill himself any longer. We may not make it through this ordeal as a couple but I want him to at least make it out alive. I don't want to have to bury him. I would never forgive myself for enabling him and using with him. I try to resist many times and try to convince him it's a bad idea to use. I can only do it so long before I give up because of constant inquires on the topic and his endless reasoning for the choice he wants to make.. I have cried all day and night. I finally realize how I have been hurting him by not being stronger than I am and giving in so he will be happy. When I refused to go get him he said I never want to talk to you again. He may not but maybe because I refused he will live. I am a basket case. I wish his family would let me be a part of the 'intervention'. I have taken a stand and I will stand my ground. I finally realize no amount of tries by me will fix him. It's gonna be a long night. Guess it's time for some green to get me to sleep, I am too crazy scared to sleep otherwise... I hope he hasn't run off in the night... Since we have been together for three years we know almost all the same people and likely I could find him but maybe not.... I know he can't score the contact info has been destroyed. Gotta love cell phones. No one can remember most numbers anymore... It's going to be such a long scary ride.
 
I think you're doing the exact right thing. In his current state he is in turmoil because of the addiction. I think his comment that he never want to see you should just be looked at as a manipulation for you to come get him.

Keep the stand like you said.. no one can ever save anyone else.. it always comes down to them.

I assume thats a dog you guys have together.. so sorry if its a child.. but i get the feeling its a pet. If its a pet then it will lead you guys back together.

Remember that none of this is permanent except hopefully transitioning out af active addiction.

I know its hard but trust in fate and continue on and start the process of healing Alic..


This is hard but from your posts you seem level headed, intelligent, and strong.. don't forget to make a stand for yourself as well:D

You both have the opportunity to start a whole new amazing life.. dump the misery and the bullshit.. after as long as we have spent in this life it gets to be such a fucking drag.. could be the start of a whole new life for you both. :)
 
I appreciate your reply. Yes it's a pet but he is our child. I find myself falling apart over this. I will stand my ground even if it mean the end of us. I have done nothing but think all weekend and it's just what has to be done. I tell myself it is his manipulation tactic to get me to pick him up. He has always said I needed to stand up to him in instances like this. Especially when it comes to using issues. I have much more control to a point until I can't fight it anymore. I would want a small party session and he would want a all out disco. I would try and limit and set use boundaries because I know it can get wild. Often I would give up just to end the debate. I am a people pleaser, it's a horrible thing. I hope I am doing the right thing. He called a last time last night and I told him again you need treatment I can not come and get you, I can't fix you. You have to go. He said some choice words and I said well you refuse this and you won't see the furchild again. He said he didn't care. I know this is a lie, he loves that puppy with al his heart, as if he was our actual human child. I hope that things get better. I'm losing my mind. I can say that I have my first counseling session scheduled and I am very excited to be set freer not only from using but my internal turmoil. I obsessed last night for hours and I finally realize I can't do it anymore. No matter how insignificant my use seems to be. Back to the organics. I will continue with green, it keeps me sane and my anxiety low, everything else is useless to me anymore. I hope this turns out where we are both healed and happy. A bonus would be that it would be together. Our little family.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top