[adderal] and the past year, and over the horizon- Dark as hell.

[foliocb]

Well, I actually have a break from work today so I promised I would finally write this one out. I have been taking Adderal for about 1 year and 4 months now, started off with 20mg and am now upto 60mg, three times a week. The first three months was nothing but bliss, pure feelings of motivation, joy, empathy, energy. A real honeymoon indeed.

Fast forward to present, now I just take it because of habit, and fear of withdrawing and being unable to work. I work in sales and get paid on commission, and am one of the best members of my team- I have so much momentum built up with this job, I also fear that I will plummet if I taper off this substance.

Funny thing is, I only plan to work this job until the end of the year, and then take a break for about a year or so and do some traveling, and this is when I was planning to eventually get off this shit. It just sucks because that's another 6 months down the road... how much longer can I take? Three days of great work, two days of shit and I basically am just super tired/depressed on my days off and when i'm not at work.

I lost about 15 solid pounds and kept it off during the first year, but basically have gained it all back and then some. I no longer get the energy nowadays, and more importantly, the energy to exercise like I used to. I feel like it puts all my energy towards my mental focus with my job, that it drains me physically and I deplete everything at work and have sacrificed my body for it.

I just want some damn balance in all this. i'm just chasing the dragon at this point, everytime I dose it just gives me a small reminder of how the first few months used to be, and that's it. I know it will never come back, yet I still dose in fear of hitting rock bottom- which is funny because I probably already have hit pretty low. Im getting so much money at this job right now which just makes justifying this habit even easier.

Fuck this shit. I always told myself just 2-3x a week in 'moderation' so I can just quit anytime I want, and it looks like that time hasn't come yet. I do the Magnesium and all the other supposed supplements that help with tolerance and overall well-being when taking Adderal. Its all in your head I think, and this is one hell of an easily obtained drug that will consume you without notice.

I was running 30 miles a week, eating great, fulfilling all of my hobbies, doing awesome at work. Now I barely have just one of those left.

Like I said, fuck this shit. I got myself into it however, and would love opinions on how to truly ween off, especially from people not only in my situation, but people who have been in my situation and made it out to the other side, and how they went about doing so. cheers.

 

[sockpuppet]

Just stop.

Tapering rarely makes sense with stims. Some sort of more stable maintenance might be possible for someone who needs it, but you've only been doing this for a relatively short time. You absolutely can stop now and recover dramatically within a couple of months...

Don't give yourself excuses to use a little more....just quit.

Good luck.

 

[Glaive]

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you foliocb. One year anniversary of starting adderall soon. I remember being very motivated and happy my first few months on it, but now I feel like I have to take it just to feel somewhat normal. On the days I don't take it the exhaustion and lack of drive are hard to bear.

I don't know if quitting right away is necessarily the best option in either of our cases. I mean we both take it as prescribed right? And it sounds like neither of us are abusing it. I am debating quitting as well, but I tried once and the withdrawal never stopped so I went back to taking it after a full month. Are you taking it with a prescription foliocb?

 

[keeponkeepnon]

I was once in the same position except it was within school at work it just made me an anti social nut. A few months ago I was on an exceedingly high dose just to feel functional. The depression related to the diminishing effects is troubling in and of it self. My advice would be if you need the money try lowering your dose minimally on each day you work so you can still function but it's not quite as taxing. Then when you are done working absolutely be done with it. It honestly feels like poison after a while does it not ? Also some thing to consider taking while on the Adderall AND when off are SAM-E & 5-htp. Then honestly as sillly as it sounds join the millions of caffeine addicts and start drinking coffee. I used to scoff at it while on the Adderall but when your off it it really helps.

I've been through the ringer on all sorts of prescribed stimulants for 10 years minus a year or two in there when I quit and looking back the years I was off were some of the best. Wish you luck. PM me with any questions.

 

[bronson]

I've seen adderall come damn close to destroying friends of mine. As you said, it starts out innocently enough, and things are great for a while. Just know that even without using you're still going to be a great efficient person. You'll be much happier and more productive in the long run since prolonged stimulant use start to provide a false sense of getting a lot done quickly.

As for how to get off of it best, I'm not really qualified, as I don't have the personal experience myself and am not one to speculate. But do everything you can to get off and stay clean, even if it takes multiple attempts. Good things are worth working towards as long as need be.

Try surrounding yourself with positive influences, and as you do start to feel better try to bring yourself back the the hobbies you used to really enjoy. I know it's not an easy thing, and I know how very dark things can seem when an addiction is at a bad point, but with effort you will start feeling more yourself little by little.

All the best, and hope to hear how things are going for you.