acid, bipolar and medications

[blankcanvas]

I didn't really know where to post this..but I hope I found the right crowd to help me out here:
So I used to not believe that bipolar disorder was real, and that doctors were just diagnosing it left and right for the money(which could be a little true), and I was diagnosed when I was pretty young, so naturally when I hit my rebellious teens and started pretending I knew enough to have opinions on things, I decided that I was not bipolar because it was fake and that I could stop taking my medicine. Ever since then I've had bipolar tendencies such as randomly crying for very stupid reasons and it being immobilizing, and having huge surges of energy where I get really really excited about a project or something and can't slow down until it's done or I'll do some stupid, completely selfish shit that will really really hurt people that are close to me-that's pretty much what happened to convince me that I definitely AM bipolar. I did some stupid stupid shit that really hurt someone that I really love, so I immediately got on my medicine again and I've been feeling fine ever since.Before I was on my medications, when I would take acid, or any other hallucinogens(besides mescaline for some reason), I would go completely fucking crazy and not be lucid AT ALL. it would scare the shit out of my fiance and he'd think I had gone insane. I would walk around incoherently mumbling, pissing myself and thinking that it was ants crawling down my legs, and I went through different realities, each of them feeling as if it had always been my reality and there was nothing else. One for example was when I was at a festival, my fiance was pulling me through the crowd frantically looking for Valium to kill my trip, and I could hear everyone clapping a yelling for the people on stage. hearing that, I thought that my life had just ended and that the whole life I had just been an actress, and I was just now realizing it and I was so flattered because everyone was looking at me in admiration and I could hear all the world clapping for me. It was ridiculous-this kind of thing would happen all the time. every time I tripped. I thought I was mother earth once and I tried to explain to my fiance that I had the earth inside my stomach and he thought i was telling him that I was pregnant..so he has had some pretty bad trips because of me. anyways, I have read that bipolar people have manic episodes when they take acid and it makes some of them go crazy on it. Now that I'm on medicine it hasn't happened again which is really nice, but one of my medicines is really making life dull for me. It's perfect for getting to have those really special trips with my fiance and not having scary manic episodes, but it's killed my sex drive completely, it's made art extremely boring for me and art has always been my favorite thing in the world, and it's made me watch tv constantly and eat constantly because those are the only things that feel fun to me. So I'm gaining all this weight and my fiance can't do anything fun with me because I'm boring as shit..so I'm not sure what to do. I really really don't want to ever have a manic episode again-I can't ever have one..that episode almost ruined my life, and it was uncontrollable-there was no way to see it coming and once it happened, I wasn't the one in control. I can't risk that, but I absolutely cannot live like this-it's driving the both of us fucking crazy. I'm depressingly bored. I'm completely unmotivated. I have no idea what to do. If someone can help, it would be greatly appreciated.

 

[NeighborhoodThreat]

It's hard to read a big wall of text but here's my quick two cents...I know a person who has bipolar disorder and they used to take LSD very often (almost on a daily basis for just under a year and then once or twice a month since then, along with amphetamines, cannabis on a daily basis, and other psychedelics such as mushrooms and 2C-E).

Eventually they started going into a dissociative fugue state whenever they took psychedelics and I'm pretty sure their LSD use made their bipolar disorder worse. I know using psychedelics and some bipolar medications such as lithium is contra-indicated (meaning don't mix LSD and lithium) for this reason.

 

[blankcanvas]

yeah I've heard the lithium thing-I'm on depakote and lamitcal. the depakote is what I think is dulling me, but that's the one that's the anti-manic. I've never taken that often though! haha that's crazy! I've always been very cautious and conservative with my drug use. I don't even really smoke pot. I'll occasionally smoke, maybe every two months or so, and I went through a little bit of an amphetamine phase when I needed to concentrate in my classes(and boy did I concentrate!). But yeah...I had a friend who was in a dissociative fugue state for a long while-actually the whole time I knew him until very recently. He came out of it and he's completely normal. It's like he's a different person-he went from frequenting mental wards, talking to the anunaki gods, and smoking dmt every single day WHILE driving, to a completely normal nerdy guy playing video games every day. I'm also kind of worried that my taking acid even while on my medicine will eventually make me manic again even though the medicine is in my system. I don't know if acid caused it, or if it just finally kicked me in the ass, but I have read somewhere that bipolar can kick in kind of hard when you hit your twenties, and I just recently turned 21..eh anyways..thanks for your input. I'm on a rambling kick right now if you haven't noticed.

 

[Psychonautical]

a fugue state, that kind of sounds like my trip to shambhala.

I am, packing up my belongings to rave in the mountains for a week. Like a Ravenous Squirrel.


straight up, you are a person, you respond angrily to bullshit.
Its not too complicated, if something bothers you, you get upset, we all get upset in different ways.
Some of us have learned temperance.

Trick is don't do too many drugs, just enough drugs.

 

[neonsun]

Hey I recently had a manic episode which caused me to miss 2 days in a really big rave in Las Vegas..
I have talked to a therapist ever since, she said I could possibly be bi-polar. It runs in my family..
I don't take any medication, although I meditate every day which I think can help you as well.
I think lsd would be a fun experience, but right now I don't want to risk having that trigger a manic episode on that..
My advice is try meditating every day just a little bit. I think you will feel a lot better about your self and become more aware. It could put that spark back into your life again. It has for me.

 

[egofancey]

My advice is try meditating every day just a little bit. I think you will feel a lot better about your self and become more aware. It could put that spark back into your life again. It has for me.

I completely agree that meditation helps. I've started to notice the patterns and waves of my emotions which impact on my behaviour. I allow the peace of meditative states to slow my thoughts and moods, which in the longer term avoids me drifting into tumultuous streams of consciousness so frequently. My best guess is that it helps to re-align me with the outside world, rather than an inner dialog.

Much love for anyone experiencing frequent mood and behaviour changes and I hope we all become more grounded with the help of love