Acid and dramatic Personality changes.

[dexter_stayne]

We all know the story. A good friend becomes heavily into LSD and you don't say anything, because criticism leads to denial and a further push I guess. But what shook me up was an experience I had on the weekend with a friend I'd known since school.
After Yr12 he got into the club/rave scene, and no-one minded, as we all were into it. But as we were raving maybe once or twice a month, it became a weekly habit for him. The all of a sudden a common friend invited him to try a microdot at a psy-trance hippy rave and he loved it. He ceased contact with us and last we heard he was attending these weekend long psychadelic parties with spiritual experience seminars and massive acid binges to complement them.
We saw him infrequently at the occasional doof, he was always off in the clouds, but still to some regard, the same funny little chum we'd known him to be. For a few months everyone settled down. We all got stuck back into uni and what have you, he became one of those mates you are concerned about but always remained a "well it's not me at least" kinda rhetoric.

Last weekend at a mate's 21st he was there, running from circle to circle big-noting his drug binge efforts, and we figured he was just over-enthused and would get over it. But towards the end of the night he became aggressive, rude and paranoid of everyone. Which might I add, was completely contradictory to the guy we once knew.
As we were leaving, he approached me and started pushing me around. At first I took it as a joke, thinking he's just messing with us. But the look in his eyes was pretty clear. He didn't recognise me at all, he was just plain out confused. He was always twitching and looking around him, completely scared that something was gunna get him.
He started to scare me too, getting really violent and abusive with a broken bottle in one hand. I'd had enough, grabbed my mates, hopped in the car and drove off, with this guy still kicking the wheel rims.

Now I've never been into acid, heard too many horror stories. I've tried it a few times, but I didn't really notice any effects, (probably due to the cocktail of other chemicals running through my blood). This has completely turned me off that lifestyle, and has made me cut my usage of everything down.
It makes you evaluate yourself, to see if the lifestyle you live changes you, for better or worse. I know at least I get a little irritable occasionally, but I'm still not one to fight ever.

Anyway my 2 cents. Peace
dex

 

[nickthecheese]

alkemoliks anonymouse

Unfortunately, not all "Life Changing Experiences" while on LSD can be positive ones. Sounds like this guy was hitting alice and lucy pretty hard though. I've always kept one idea in mind while consuming drugs; everything in moderation.

<opinionatedrant>

I also think that society is to blame for this kind of irresponsible drug use. It (IMO) all stems from the alcohol culture of "drinking more". Often in social circles, You are judged by the amount of alcohol you can consume, and subsequently, praise is given to those who can out drink others. This mindset has permeated into drug culture, and I think it is often an attitude that new drug users (ie filthy newbies*) bring with them. The whole notion of taking more to get "More fucked up", is extremely un-HM&HR (but occasionally a whole lot of fun).

</opinionatedrant>



* Chill out newbies I was only joking - everyone has to start somewhere

 

[eggo]

your mate may be trying to tell you some sub concious messages, he may realise he has gone too far, and maybe is trying to find a way back. Since you saw him at a old school party maybe he saw people that could help him. it could be hard for him to tell you what hes going though. and when you guys didnt seem/want to help him he may have felt rejected and violent towards you, though completely depending on the circumstances surrounding the party. you could organise to go talk to him when he is straight and see if he wants to go to the movies/coffee just to talk about how hes feeling, and what hes been doing lately etc. we all need support when certain things happen and its great to know that people are there to support you

 

[phase_dancer]

LSD is a powerful catalyst. It can unlock all manner of things in ones psyche or memory. It can make one reassess everything, it can make you face things which are difficult to resolve, it can help resolve an issue or it can make you too terrified to look again. All this and so much more...

Your friend could be suffering from anything, perhaps it has nothing to do with acid and was going to happen anyway. People are full of emotional time bombs. Sometimes they go off in little bangs, sometimes a trigger can can result in a much bigger accumulative bang. It may have been the tiniest detail during a trip which sparked a change. Who knows? Sometimes it's hard to look at someone who you think you know well in that situation and understand. It's like you don't know them -and you don't - but any profound realisation can do this.

If it's any consolation, I've known lots of people who have spun out or gone off on a complete tangent. Most of these people have bounced back to their former or better self.

One of these was and still is my best mate. We hung out together after meeting at age 12. Kina (not his real name) and I worked the summer silage and hay seasons, stayed out all night at 13, bought our first car together at 14 and shared our 21st's. Both our first girlfriends were also best friends and many years later Kina was my best man. So we've always been pretty close.

It was Autumn 1979 and our crew had all been into acid for about 18 months. Various trips had come and gone, some strong (red dragons) some weak - the usual story. Acid around at the time was in the form of purple or white barrels - short coloured pieces of what looked like chalky pencil lead. I only tried the purple barrels and must say I'd had the most amazing times....indelible memories of absolute joy. The white barrels were said to be much stronger.

At work one Monday afternoon I get a call from Kina asking if I could pick him up from his parents on my way home and he'd stay at our house. Within minutes of arriving I noticed something very different about my mate. Normally cool and collective, he was frantically running around trying to locate very odd things. He seemed obsessed in some old photo and I noted his mums concerned look as we left. On the way home Kina went on to ask repeatedly whether I thought it was OK to believe in god but not go to church (Kina was raised in a big catholic family but normally despised religion). I wasn't sure what to think. To make matters worse he also seemed desperate to get my reassurance that he hadn't been a bad person all his life.

Now this was deep shit from someone who always heckled me whenever I got too deep. I was worried. I asked him if he'd been tripping and he said it was a trip which had brought these realisations to him...he'd had 2 white barrels.

When we got to our place he got worse. A more experienced acid user also lived in the house so I had a whisper to him on the side. He'd seen this sort of thing before and said not to worry. He reckoned 2 weeks outside.

Two weeks! Fuck I thought, unbelievable! But it got worse...much worse. Kina had said he didn't want to smoke dope, deciding his new (self) perceived clarity was disturbed by it. But sometime during the evening someone gave him a joint and he lost it completely. Another mate decided he'd take him to his place for the night. I was worried as this guy had lots of drugs at his disposal.

Next morning his frantic mother rings me at work asking if Kina was with me. I said no, that he'd gone home with G. She started to panic saying "he's not well you know....he's taken some drug.....we need to find him. While she was on the phone to me he arrived home totally shattered and incoherent. Within 15 mins he was seeing a GP. By that time my friend had himself acknowledged that he needed help, but in the most indignifying manner the Dr insisted that he be committed for a minimum of 3 week to the local psychiatric hospital. This place was a stone's throw from where I was living.

Over the next few days things deteriorated further. On light medication for the first few days, at first it seemed he'd pull through, but then a friend, a young fiery nurse (who should have known better) stormed in and demanded he be released. Kina then became agitated and being the big guy he is, bashed 2 staff before lifting the doctor by the throat.

Largactil (Chlorpromazine) was to follow, a nasty drug. It's affect on Kina was deeply disturbing to all his friends who saw him. On the sixth day around 20 friends all showed up at once to see Kina at his worst. Among the stunned silence, Kina lifted his head with effort and asked that nobody visit in future as he couldn't stand the looks of horror on their faces. I was devastated, and thought I'd never to touch acid again. Others of our crew gave up drugs forever that day.

While all this was going on, the old acid guy kept saying " What are ya's worried about, he'll be fine in a week or so"

To cut to a happy outcome, we convinced Kina to sneak out during the day and come up to our house. The older dude was there and Kina spent most days chopping wood and helping round the house, before running down the hill to the hospital before the 4:30 round up whistle.

And sure enough he was fine. They stopped the heavy drugs after a couple of days and at the end of the 2nd week he came up for early review and was discharged.

I then got to hear his story of how he'd been drilled by his brother over all their childhood squabbles and then escaped to a park where a fire and brimstone priest held his attention for 3 hours. It all seemed to indicate the acid to me. I remember saying "I bet you won't be doing acid for awhile?" His response floored me. "Actually I'm going to do a trip this weekend" He felt he needed to go back and re-examine how and why the experience had made him feel like it did. His conclusion and to some extent my realisation, was that the acid merely catalyzed what was already inside of him. He's never looked back. He loves life, has a great business and family etc and still does the occasional fun thing but with a much better understanding of psychonautics

Sorry bout the long rant, but the point I'm trying to emphasise is that which eggo is suggesting; to not give up or shun your mate. Without knowing the details, my guess if acid was the catalyst, is that he'll be fine in time. As we grow older, it may seem like a sad reality but everyone is likely to know more than one close friend or family who really goes off the rails at some point in their life, drugs or not.

More often than not in my experience it is the absolutely straight unaccepting ones who usually find it hardest to get back. Perhaps some drug users, when dealing with extreme mental agitation, can draw from an arsenal composed of chemical induced emotional extremes which protects and strengthens the soul. That's my excuse anyway

 

[eggo]

i dont think BT can outdo that one, awesome in depth reply, makes mine seem so small 8(

 

[Fry-d-]

Great post pd.

 

[Urbanhog]

Yeah I kinda know where you coming from, while back I went on two months acid binge and after two months I stopped and landed back onto the earth from the acidland, I just got paranoid over stupid things, like looking behind my back every few minutes, checking the windows, and re-checking my car mirrors to see if "anyone" was following me, etc etc I just over-reacted over stupid tiny thing, and in 1-2 weeks I finally settled and things went back to normal, formed silly repeative habits like re-checking my bag every few minutes to make sure I have got everything with me and the house is all locked up and safe. But also finally got over that stupid repeative type of behaviour.

Just kept telling myself its the fucking acid fucking my mind, and I have got nothing to be paranoid over about it..... thinking and looking back..... it was a weird experience let me tell you.

Acid is not a kind drug if binged or abused too much......

Like Nick said..... take all things in moderation, but it can be hard sometimes if you just like the effects way too much

 

[shorza]

God i love p_d's storys!

 

[Hardicus]

Thanks for sharing guys!

Not much I can add to this, but i'd have to say perhaps try and get in contact with the guy again, and have a proper chat with him, not an intervention style chat, just sit down and hear what he has to say, and perhaps explain to him how you feel, that this change is scaring you. I dunno, might not be the best idea, could turn out badly, but if he was a close friend, perhaps it is something that you have to do.

 

[dexter_stayne]

So you guys are basically saying that theres no such thing as PERMANENT personality changes as a result of drug use?

 

[Urbanhog]

I think I am still fine (I think) but wouldnt surprise me if there was a reported case of someone with permanet brain or mental damage.... my experience after two months was very bizzare not too keen to go thru that again.... but... who knows....

 

[BigTrancer]

Great post p_d!

 

[SteveElektro]

So you guys are basically saying that theres no such thing as PERMANENT personality changes as a result of drug use?

I think you have the wrong idea.
There are definitely permanent personality changes that resulyt from drug use. I have undergone such an experience catalysed by ketamine.
What you have to understand is that drug use is not so much changing a person per se, it is bringing out a latent side of them which they may not have previously dealt with, a hidden sie that they may have kept below the surface.
When this is brought out by something like drugs, a traumatic experience or whatever, it can causes a lot of confusion. Usually though, this is just the person coming to terms with sudden realisations. This in itself can be a traumatic experience, but time almost always allows one to come to terms with themselves, and return to some shade of normality, often with a greater understanding of themselves than they would otherwise have.

 

[phase_dancer]

dexter_stayne wrote:
So you guys are basically saying that theres no such thing as PERMANENT personality changes as a result of drug use?

Not at all. But as far as acid being solely responsible for permanent personality changes, I think this is rare. Quite different is hastening a psychological process which would have likely happened anyway (aging is a killer for this ). Acid can be a strong realisation tool as said, so it's understandable that some people do experience a lasting altered perception of the world (looking/ thinking outside the square, so to speak).

Any "awakening" which is profoundly contrasting to how you've previously seen the world can stay with you and be impossible to ignore. But in this regard, how is acid that different to say world travel?

Most of us will have known shy types who travel abroad and return completely different people. On the other hand, some do the same trip, return to their home town and spend the rest of their lives as if they were unaffected by 1 year or 2 of world experience. Any realisations from that experience were obviously not profound enough to redirect their ideals or aims, or perhaps it was not a successful or enjoyable trip and didn't result in a shedding of the home "security-skin".

Acid dissolves the ego (with enough) often diminishing every form of security you've ever known. Primal instincts often arise as the higher brain registers confusion. Gruelling as the experience may be at the time, the user often returns mentally stronger, more independant and aware of his/her environment.

Every experience can change the personality. It may be to protect or nurture the soul after personal tragedy or it may be to stimulate after rewarding discovery. There's not many of us who claim we think much the same at 35+ as we did at 15, although depending at what age and circumstances these profound experiences or realisations arise, one may change little in who they are or more importantly, how others see them over a lifetime.

 

[Tabernacle]

For me every acid trip changes something inside, it's like at the end of each trip you've closed a chapter of your life and are begining another one. I believe hoffman called this the golden dawn effect and i feel it every time i have acid, i learn something about myself or the planet i live in and incorporate that new found knowledge into my everyday business. However, for some it is impossible to reconsile this new realisation into their existing reality it becomes their existing reality, the golden dawn turns into a two week nightmare of self introspection and eventually self loathing. It is here that you the friends and the family have to intervene. It's prolly a load of shit, but from my subjective experience it rings true. Anywhoo good luck to your friend hopefully he can progress from the state he's in or he was just a dickhead in the first place and you never realised it.
Phase_Dancer that post was pure gold, you rock dude!

 

[dexter_stayne]

yeah he was a dickhead thanks p_d

 

[Leprechaun]

Phase_dancer! Love the story... Just goes to show that human spirit is forever more complex then we think. It is compassion and faith in the strength of your friends that will bring about healing and realisation when it is most needed.

 

[dexter_stayne]

i was watching this thing on the ABC today about brain patterns...
they said an interesting quote
"the mind and its processes - i.e thought and personality used to be thought of as an intangible force and individualism. Only now are we beginning to realise that all these human characteristics are just cause and effects of diiferent combinations of repeating chemicals causing physical structural changes in the brain."

this got me thinking. are the effects of mind-altering drugs actually harmful or just reconstructive in some way?>

 

[Leprechaun]

But the chemicals are connected to the extern world.

The feedback loop that is conciousness exists and extends outside merely our own brain. A good example is this - Your hand is an extension of your brain, a tool is an extension of your hand. Therefore a tool is an extension of your brain.

The fact that you see the two as different is a construct of your perception. In essence all things take and give from each other. Drugs and chemicals are only one point on that loop. In which case, reductionist approaches can only ever present a small portion of the whole picture.

So in conclusion, my point is that just like anything else that can be used. It can be used to create and destroy. But for everything you destroy, you create something new and for everything that you create, you must destroy something. Thats the nature of change, feeback loops and entropy.

 

[SteveElektro]

Just remember people, there is no spoon

Out of interest Leprechaun, you read any Robert Anton Wilson? I tend to take the same approach you do, and I find R.A.W. to be a thrilling read, you may too.