Cosmic Mist
Bluelighter
It’s getting easier and easier to get up in the morning – I used to have so much difficulty, but now it seems that the cool air no longer discourages me from leaving my sleepy stratosphere, and crashing head first back into reality.
It’s not as easy as it used to be when I was a small child; when the weight of the world had not yet began to press its hard, ugly presence into my life. It’s easy to be free when you have nothing at all to worry about – easier still when you don’t care…
The early morning preacher crosses the stage numerous amounts of times as she tries to convince me that I should follow her in the name of a deity I no longer care to pronounce. She insists that she understands the way, truth and light of my predicament and can help me – all I need do is believe.
But belief is one of the most important things I have left to me, and I’m not about to waste it on some pretentious stranger, just because she asks me to. My belief is precious to me, and it’ll take more than pretty words to convince me to follow in another’s footsteps like that.
Isn’t it strange the way everyone seems to have an answer for all your life’s troubles and traumas? Soon they’ll have an answer for everything – I can just see it now:
Are you depressed because you’re ugly, old, or overweight?
Do you suffer from narcissistic tendencies?
Do you lack motivation even just to get up in the morning?
Well, with one phone call and just $19.95 per week, we can cure all your problems, with:
A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH…
No, but seriously, have you ever thought about it? Have you ever sat down and wondered why it is that you do the things you do? Why do you get up in the morning? Why do you study and learn? Why do you go to work each day? Why does the human race constantly strive to procreate at a rate unparalleled in history? Why do we try to land on Mars, or send people into outer-space? What is the point? Honestly, have you ever just taken a moment out of your time to sit down and ask yourself the pertinent question in life, the why?
I have been thinking a lot about this recently. It’s always been something that has sat in the back of my mind quietly numbing my senses, but now it’s starting to affect the way I see things.
The preacher continues her endless cascade of desperate metaphors and meaningless clichés, and I just sit here, week after week and ask myself why. Why does she believe it? Why does she preach it? Why does she need others to believe it? What can she possibly hope to gain? It all seems pretty hopeless to me – I mean, at the end of the day when all is said and done, what if she is wrong? Then what? Has she lived her entire life in vain, believing something completely fictitious to be true?
People are strange creatures – this is something I have always taken as truth. It’s as though they need to create meaning in their lives in order to feel that what they are doing is good and right. They need to feel justified. People never do things just to enjoy themselves, or to have fun. They need a reason. They don’t work because it brings them pleasure; they work because it brings them money. They lose themselves in the mysterious world where money validates, and nothing else is good enough. It’s true, and you know it. When was the last time you did any volunteer work, just because? Of course there will always be exceptions to the rule, but a majority of people will tell you that they don’t have the time because their work schedule is too busy, or because their kids take up too much time. No one will tell you that the reason that they don’t do volunteer work is because they don’t find it validating enough to be worth their time.
And why do people allow themselves to become a slave to the almighty dollar anyway? I mean, sure, it’s necessary to be able to eat and sleep somewhere sheltered from all of nature’s afflictions, but beyond that, why do they strive the way they do? What can they possibly hope to gain?
Some people say I have a very negative out-look on life, and that I should really try to find some meaning – something to focus on. I have always thought this to be a very interesting idea. The way I see it, they feel that I need some sort of distraction from the emptiness of life. They feel that my questioning subtracts from the quality of my life and that I should find some meaningless activity with which to distract myself for the rest of my life. I could become an engineer, build a bridge, and get the fuck over it all if I really wanted. But the point is that I don’t want that. I don’t want mere distraction, I want meaning – actual meaning. People tell me that my life will have no meaning is I don’t find it for myself, and they are right. That is why I question, that is why I search and probe. I don’t want to be another one of those people who lives their entire life without knowing why. I don’t want to wake up one morning and realise that everything I have dedicated my life to is a farce. People are always telling me that life is too short to waste, and they are right. That is why I need to find meaning in my life. That is why I seek the answer to the unanswerable questions of “Why am I here?” and “What does it matter anyway?”
So why then is it getting easier and easier to get up in the morning, I hear you ask?
It’s a good question, and one to which I don’t have the answer… perhaps I’ll sit and think on it a while…
It’s not as easy as it used to be when I was a small child; when the weight of the world had not yet began to press its hard, ugly presence into my life. It’s easy to be free when you have nothing at all to worry about – easier still when you don’t care…
The early morning preacher crosses the stage numerous amounts of times as she tries to convince me that I should follow her in the name of a deity I no longer care to pronounce. She insists that she understands the way, truth and light of my predicament and can help me – all I need do is believe.
But belief is one of the most important things I have left to me, and I’m not about to waste it on some pretentious stranger, just because she asks me to. My belief is precious to me, and it’ll take more than pretty words to convince me to follow in another’s footsteps like that.
Isn’t it strange the way everyone seems to have an answer for all your life’s troubles and traumas? Soon they’ll have an answer for everything – I can just see it now:
Are you depressed because you’re ugly, old, or overweight?
Do you suffer from narcissistic tendencies?
Do you lack motivation even just to get up in the morning?
Well, with one phone call and just $19.95 per week, we can cure all your problems, with:
A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH…
No, but seriously, have you ever thought about it? Have you ever sat down and wondered why it is that you do the things you do? Why do you get up in the morning? Why do you study and learn? Why do you go to work each day? Why does the human race constantly strive to procreate at a rate unparalleled in history? Why do we try to land on Mars, or send people into outer-space? What is the point? Honestly, have you ever just taken a moment out of your time to sit down and ask yourself the pertinent question in life, the why?
I have been thinking a lot about this recently. It’s always been something that has sat in the back of my mind quietly numbing my senses, but now it’s starting to affect the way I see things.
The preacher continues her endless cascade of desperate metaphors and meaningless clichés, and I just sit here, week after week and ask myself why. Why does she believe it? Why does she preach it? Why does she need others to believe it? What can she possibly hope to gain? It all seems pretty hopeless to me – I mean, at the end of the day when all is said and done, what if she is wrong? Then what? Has she lived her entire life in vain, believing something completely fictitious to be true?
People are strange creatures – this is something I have always taken as truth. It’s as though they need to create meaning in their lives in order to feel that what they are doing is good and right. They need to feel justified. People never do things just to enjoy themselves, or to have fun. They need a reason. They don’t work because it brings them pleasure; they work because it brings them money. They lose themselves in the mysterious world where money validates, and nothing else is good enough. It’s true, and you know it. When was the last time you did any volunteer work, just because? Of course there will always be exceptions to the rule, but a majority of people will tell you that they don’t have the time because their work schedule is too busy, or because their kids take up too much time. No one will tell you that the reason that they don’t do volunteer work is because they don’t find it validating enough to be worth their time.
And why do people allow themselves to become a slave to the almighty dollar anyway? I mean, sure, it’s necessary to be able to eat and sleep somewhere sheltered from all of nature’s afflictions, but beyond that, why do they strive the way they do? What can they possibly hope to gain?
Some people say I have a very negative out-look on life, and that I should really try to find some meaning – something to focus on. I have always thought this to be a very interesting idea. The way I see it, they feel that I need some sort of distraction from the emptiness of life. They feel that my questioning subtracts from the quality of my life and that I should find some meaningless activity with which to distract myself for the rest of my life. I could become an engineer, build a bridge, and get the fuck over it all if I really wanted. But the point is that I don’t want that. I don’t want mere distraction, I want meaning – actual meaning. People tell me that my life will have no meaning is I don’t find it for myself, and they are right. That is why I question, that is why I search and probe. I don’t want to be another one of those people who lives their entire life without knowing why. I don’t want to wake up one morning and realise that everything I have dedicated my life to is a farce. People are always telling me that life is too short to waste, and they are right. That is why I need to find meaning in my life. That is why I seek the answer to the unanswerable questions of “Why am I here?” and “What does it matter anyway?”
So why then is it getting easier and easier to get up in the morning, I hear you ask?
It’s a good question, and one to which I don’t have the answer… perhaps I’ll sit and think on it a while…
