aihfl
Bluelight Crew
Between Christmas and New Years, after 10 months of sobriety, I had a relapse which landed me yet again in detox. This time, I decided I need to take aftercare seriously and began "shopping" for intensive outpatient programs. I called one facility where I had been enrolled in an IOP several years ago and had two primary questions for them: 1. Is there a 12 step meeting attendance requirement, and 2. I am prescribed Ativan for panic attacks, which I am unapologetic about because I don't abuse them under normal circumstances and use it quite sparingly (I already have an alcohol problem, I would rather NOT have a benzo problem in addition to that) and that there were a handful of times during my 10 months of sobriety where the Ativan was the only thing standing between me and booze.
The intake therapist informed me that yes, they require attendance at 4 meetings per week outside IOP. I then told her I've been trying to recover using 12 step for 4+ years, and if it was going to work for me, it probably already would have. I then pointed out that 12 steppers always like to ask, "What's the definition of insanity?" and in my case, continuing to go to these meetings I find extremely boring, listening to people pontificate about God, drinking shitty coffee and dealing with meddlesome sponsors is insanity. She then went on to say that they require it because 12 step is EVIDENCE BASED. I wasn't even diplomatic at this point. I told her that if trying to pray away your addiction is what passes for evidence based treatment at their facility then I consider them a bunch of quacks.
She then informed me that if benzos turned up in my urine panel, that would be an issue and told me that there are plenty of alternative medications such as Vistaril (which I already take for general anxiety but is shit for panic attacks) and Buspar, which as far as my current shrink and I are concerned, is basically a placebo.
So this is why I have an issue with all this. I am enrolling at the IOP at the facility where I was detoxed, which is much more progressive. Rather than use the outdated 12 step treatment model (is any other condition treated the same way as it was in 1930?), they use the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's "Matrix Model," and they told me as long as my Ativan prescription is legit, their psychiatrist knows about it, and I'm not abusing it, then if it keeps me from drinking, by all means use it when you need it.
My rant all boils down to this: here we are, in the 21st century, where there really are science and evidence based treatment models, and the dominant treatment model is still stuck in the early 20th century and is supernaturally based. I was fortunate over the course of my drinking career I never got a DUI, but it's well established legal precedent now that AA is a religious organization and attendance CANNOT be coerced by government. You bet your ass if a judge tried to send me to AA I'd sue.
Rant over...
The intake therapist informed me that yes, they require attendance at 4 meetings per week outside IOP. I then told her I've been trying to recover using 12 step for 4+ years, and if it was going to work for me, it probably already would have. I then pointed out that 12 steppers always like to ask, "What's the definition of insanity?" and in my case, continuing to go to these meetings I find extremely boring, listening to people pontificate about God, drinking shitty coffee and dealing with meddlesome sponsors is insanity. She then went on to say that they require it because 12 step is EVIDENCE BASED. I wasn't even diplomatic at this point. I told her that if trying to pray away your addiction is what passes for evidence based treatment at their facility then I consider them a bunch of quacks.
She then informed me that if benzos turned up in my urine panel, that would be an issue and told me that there are plenty of alternative medications such as Vistaril (which I already take for general anxiety but is shit for panic attacks) and Buspar, which as far as my current shrink and I are concerned, is basically a placebo.
So this is why I have an issue with all this. I am enrolling at the IOP at the facility where I was detoxed, which is much more progressive. Rather than use the outdated 12 step treatment model (is any other condition treated the same way as it was in 1930?), they use the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's "Matrix Model," and they told me as long as my Ativan prescription is legit, their psychiatrist knows about it, and I'm not abusing it, then if it keeps me from drinking, by all means use it when you need it.
My rant all boils down to this: here we are, in the 21st century, where there really are science and evidence based treatment models, and the dominant treatment model is still stuck in the early 20th century and is supernaturally based. I was fortunate over the course of my drinking career I never got a DUI, but it's well established legal precedent now that AA is a religious organization and attendance CANNOT be coerced by government. You bet your ass if a judge tried to send me to AA I'd sue.
Rant over...
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Bike is a huge part of keeping myself sane, even though I live in LA and don't own a care anymore (it's faaar from a bike friendly city, but as I only tend to get bit by back drives on their phones in the more affluent areas like Beverly Hills and the drivers are always more than happy to write me a check so I don't sue them, I can deal) 8)
