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a question for the guys...

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starlet26

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 1, 2010
Messages
31
Location
pittsburgh
so...i was having this conversation with a male friend of mine about how long is the appropriate time to wait before having sex with a guy that a girl actually wants to date. this is not including one time things or a friends w/benefits situation. he sees no reason in waiting at all. he says it doesn't matter.

i, as a female was always told that if you have sex with a guy too soon he won't date you because he'll think your a slut. and guys will not date sluts. have sex with them, yes, but not date them. however, if we wait too long, the guy will lose interest and move on.

i have found in my experience its best to wait just a bit, but to do it before things get too serious because if we're not...um...compatable in that area then the relationship won't work anyway and i don't want to waste my time.

so guys? what do you think? how long are we supposed to tease you before we give it up?
 
i can see that...but its not always the case. i think the longer i wait the more expectation i put on it. if i really like this guy...i'm gonna want it to be perfect. however, if i haven't gotten to attached then there's not as much pressure for it to be perfect, therefore making me more comfortable. plus its always good to find out if your into the same things early on. just my opinion. i've been told i have a tendency to think like a guy when it comes to this stuff. thats what i get for having so many male friends. lol.
 
I have never "dated" a girl that I had sex with(especially oral) by the end of week 2. All girls that make me think they have other guys, and make me wait are the ones I end up dating. Don't make them wait too long though if you know what I mean.
 
I think it's good to wait, personally. it leaves a little to the imagination and makes the idea exciting. i would say as long as you're comfortable with (and you can tell that he's not going fucking crazy. i think that you'll know). i think if she has sex, (the idea of thinking a girl is a slut) i think the judgment is purely situational, i don't think it's preconceived. it's usually pretty easy to judge someone's character, in my experience, early on.
 
I'm sure different guys will have different feelings about this.

I've had sex on the first date with a several women and it never made me think less of them or not want to see them again. If anything, it left me wanting to come back for more because it was so good. It just told me that the girl enjoyed sex, found me attractive, and wanted to do it with me.

I know there are guys who are just interested in scoring another notch on their "pistol" and they might be happy to move on after they get what they were after. But those guys are probably going to move on anyway, either before they get what they want (because they are tired of waiting), or after you eventually do give it up.

The only women that I have wondered about being a bit slutty were ones who actually propostioned me before the first date, although it didn't always cause me to say no.

It seems to have become a rule to wait until the third date to have sex. I'm not agreeing with this, but it seems to have become rather common knowledge. A lot of guys might give up on you after the third date if nothing has happened by then, because they figure you aren't interested in a sexual relationship.
 
myrealname said:
It seems to have become a rule to wait until the third date to have sex. I'm not agreeing with this, but it seems to have become rather common knowledge. A lot of guys might give up on you after the third date if nothing has happened by then, because they figure you aren't interested in a sexual relationship.
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this is what i was always told. and its the same opinion most of my male friends have. i mean, if they really like a girl they'll wait longer, it goes situation by situation. they said that usually after the 3rd date they figure they're in the 'friend zone' and stop trying and if it happens it happens.

thanks for the feedback. :)
 
Ive dated a few girls I had sex with right after meeting

Never really worked out to well but sleeping with them quickly never discouraged me from dating them
 
just do it when it feels like its time for you. theres not like a definite time period like 2 weeks = sex. and yea just dont do it too soon or too late
 
It's situational. Whenever it feels right. I've dated girls I've had sex with on the first night and I've waited until until there is a bunch of sexual tension. I gotta say it's pretty awesome when you know you're gonna have sex (she's really into me and I'm really into her) but we take it kind of slowly. It definitely makes it hotter IMO. Like after you've been dating for a while how often do you make out and dry hump? IME not that often, so I don't mind stretching out foreplay and building the tension. Then when you finally have sex it's way hotter than a sloppy drunken hookup.

But I wouldn't give it any set time limit, it's completely situational.
 
I guess I could see the argument for a woman waiting long enough to figure out what a guy's motives are(unless she doesn't care). A lot of guys will claim to want to give them the sun and the moon until they get what they want, and then they become just another notch on the bed post.
 
GenericMind said:
I guess I could see the argument for a woman waiting long enough to figure out what a guy's motives are(unless she doesn't care). A lot of guys will claim to want to give them the sun and the moon until they get what they want, and then they become just another notch on the bed post.
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thank you for realizing that. most guys say we're crazy, that they're the exception to that rule, and they are...until you sleep with them...then POOF they're gone. this has happened in my circle of friends plenty of times. and you guys wonder why we have trust issues....

i personally would much rather a guy be honest from the start about what it is he is looking for....you never know...maybe i'm thinking the same thing...the lying is what makes it hard for us girls to trust anything you guys say.

and i'm not saying its all of you...just most of you that give the rest a bad rep.
 
No, it's absolutely true. Yes there are guys who are honest or that won't sleep with someone they don't love. And yes there are women that don't mind just having sex with no strings attached. But what seems much more prevalent, at least in my observations, is:

Woman meets Man.

Woman wants relationship.

Man wants sex.

Man leads Woman on until he gets sex.

Woman doesn't get relationship.


What a man is willing to do or say to get what he wants varies from person to person, and what a woman is willing to give up without a relationship varies in the same way, but it's almost always the same game.
 
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Listen, there are a ton of lonely guys out there who are dying to meet a steady girlfriend. If you haven't met them there are a couple of reasons. One: the lonely guys tend to be the shy, retiring types or guys who just find it emotionally difficult to handle rejection. Two: the guys who are just looking for another conquest have fairly strong egos that can handle rejection and they are more likely to approach a woman, and have had some experience doing so. Three: you gals are attracted to the assholes.

I think men and women do think about the issue of sex differently in the early stages of a relationship. Women seem to want to hold onto it as a bargaining chip until they figure out if a guy is a candidate for a long-term relationship. Men tend to consider a woman's interest in sex and her compatibility as a sexual partner as an important characteristic to be considered in determining if they are interested in having a long-term relationship with her.
 
myrealname said:
Listen, there are a ton of lonely guys out there who are dying to meet a steady girlfriend. If you haven't met them there are a couple of reasons. One: the lonely guys tend to be the shy, retiring types or guys who just find it emotionally difficult to handle rejection. Two: the guys who are just looking for another conquest have fairly strong egos that can handle rejection and they are more likely to approach a woman, and have had some experience doing so. Three: you gals are attracted to the assholes.
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this
 
Your best shot is to have sex when it feels right. Its a roll of the dice anyways. If you keep second guessing when the 'right time' is you'll blow the spontenaity of it. If the guy runs away as soon as he gets what he wants then he would have run away anyways wouldn't he? If I'm really attracted to a girl and I know she's attracted to me then it doesn't matter when (obviously I'd prefer not waiting too long, but I'll respect that). Then again I'm the kind of guy who wants to hang on to a good thing once I've found it.
 
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