Ugggh this is seriously fucking getting to me, so i need to rant, and here seems to be the only place i feel comfortable doing it, so hope no one minds! its either rant away or piss people off.. lol About 3 years ago now, my partner and i met another couple with kids who we became really good friends with pretty quickly.. the husband of the couple has a pretty kick ass band in the rock/goth kind of genre, and my husband plays guitar for the band..since meeting them they have lived a little over 5 miles away, a nice distance..but the last week or so we have been helping them move into a house thats litterly right up the freaking road, the same village, the same school for the kids..and i am kinda freaking out about it.. i dont handle obligation well, i tend to be pretty anti-people in general and have gone more reclusive than i ever thought possible for me, the past couple of years.. so they have started to call our place (jokingly of course) their 'second home' and they keep wanting me to watch the kids.. they have a 4 year old boy and a 1 year old boy who isnt yet walking, i myself have an 8 year old boy..i dont mind watching them from time to time, and while they were sorting the new house out i helped by keeping the boys a couple days in a row.. now i have to say, i love my son more than anything..ever.. and do not at all regret my choices to have him.. watching these two boys quite regularly, its made me absolutely realize i could never do it again.. fuck that.. my sons just turned 8 and is really quite independent and his own person.. why the hell would i chose to get pregnant again and start off from scratch with a new life in this world? i would have to be mental. -ok, more mental than i am already lol..but the point i am making with this, is that i have one child for a reason, my patients -rather, my lack there of- and my easy to stress out nervous sytem, i just cant have 2 more kids here all the time.. the problem with that is, i have a very difficult time saying no..especially to good friends.. but i refuse to become a 'built in babysitter' right down the road.. so, the stress of that brings in the stress of one day us and them having an argument and it getting ugly.. which is possible for a few reasons.. now if this does happen, we still have to deal with each other as we live in the same damned place! Grrrrs..The good side is the women mentioned gets a really nice script for hydocodones that she sometimes pays me in.. (far better than cash imo lol).. and they know about my over all love and passion for drugs of various kinds, so its pretty easy in that aspect.. i dont have to hide my true self from them..but i do feel i cant be entirely honest with them if they do piss me off because they seem very ..very easy to offend..On top of all that though, the women friend is incredibly hot, and of course as life goes, completely, 100% straight..not even bi-curious! Typical lol
Ok, rant over.. thanks for anyone who may have read this utterly pointless blogging session!
Ok, rant over.. thanks for anyone who may have read this utterly pointless blogging session!
