A free fall into the Darkest void of the Drug World
'Priscilla
As of lately I've neglected a lot of my responsibilities and thus my financial, family and mental well-being have been greatly hampered with. The girl I'm dating, not to blame, is a factor in me losing control of my own life.
The girl, (Priscilla, not her real name) has put me in a position where she wants me to spend even more time with her than I previously had. That would require literally a full time day-to-day hang out session doing nothing constructive. If I were to do as she wishes, I could kiss my future good bye. Sure I may be able to live with her for a few months, but eventually I would grow weak. She would lose interest. And then Renz Envy has lost everything for a girlfriend.
I love Priscilla, but Priscilla likes speed. I'm not completely comfortable dating someone who can take a sex drug that gives the user sociopathic tendencies. I take speed too, but my sociopathic attitude is withheld by a framework of fundamental morals. She enjoys the high risk situations. Guns, fast cars, hot sex, organized theft. I enjoy art, science, novelty, and peace.
I've long suspected she was cheating on me fairly consistently. She denies it, but I watch her eyes dart up-to the left-to the right, when confronted with a question like, "Why did you disappear for 3 hours last night?". I've never been the kind to cheat. I understand a lot of people think it's fun to do something wrong and dirty, but in the end, the people who seek instant gratification at the expense of others always seem to be the ones begging for forgiveness. I consider myself a very seasoned lie detector.
To her I am greedy and selfish. Her life style took a turn for the worse one night when she was charged with drug possession. She is now on probation and has to quit her addictions. I am greedy and selfish, because I am not constrained due to my conservative approach when it comes to risk taking. In this case, the person in the back seat was selling an 8-ball of dope to what was clearly a police officer.
There is a unique feeling I get while in a position of danger:
1) Anxiety, unease, fight or flight response
2) Reaffirming that the situation is dangerous (I know that guy is a LEO and he doesn't want meth.)
3) My vibes anger everyone else as their internal cognition is so twisted that this situation seemed legit.
I left and got to my car. I was yelled at, called selfish and not deserving of Priscilla for my girlfriend. But folks, there's a lot of mice who dart for the cheese in the mousetrap, and they're all trapped. Later that night I got word that they had been sent to jail by a brigade of armored police. They had been set up 3 times that night.
Check mate. Drug career is over. Find a new life.
I even called out every set up. They thought I was paranoid.
No, Priscilla wanted to continue using despite her legal obligations. It wasn't until she began to crash, that I saw how weak she was. Fragile, anxious, broken, a once straight A student reduced to a homeless meth addict for the love of the game. I couldn't dislike her. I loved her despite the things she had done to me behind my back. The abundance of free drugs being in the friendship circle was obscene. I was no more guilty than she was. Perhaps I was using her for drugs, but then again I would rather be with her in a world without drugs than lose her in a world with all the drugs I ever wanted.
She cried. She refused to open up to me. It was time for Renz Envy to quit walking down the valley of incarceration-death and begin a new path toward glory. I want to provide a shelter for her and be with her all day. We love each other. But I'm afraid my words were all caustic.
"I want to help you, but I can't help both of us if I'm sinking. I want to be a good boyfriend with a loving family and friends, not a bum. I need time to make the money to provide for us." Renz Envy preached.
"Wow, That was a slap in the face." Priscilla complained, "If you can't be with me more often, I'm not going to be your gf."
It was like that. I was stuck in an uphill battle. She thinks I'm greedy and selfish for getting my destroyed life back on track. She may imagine that I can actually make a living as a white male, selling hard drugs and living constantly on the run with her. Hah. I'll be destroyed by both sides. Law and the organizations. Middle class white boys typically go off and do other things with their lives... Like becoming doctors or accountants. A drug dealer... Maybe marijuana, but meth? No. Talk about getting robbed for a living. Not like I could retaliate very well. That and almost every man I know ends up in prison.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
Girls? Well, the ones with a little brains, like Priscilla, are scary at drug dealing. Get two girls with a fairly rich man. Priscilla uses her charm to distract the unfortunate horny bloke while the second girl stashes his valuables in her purse. After the sex and love is over, the guy is given GHB, where he's too scatterbrained to know what was lost until they're long gone. This was a drug deal.
Drug deal(profit) + Valuables taken (Like credit cards, SSN, DL, gold, you name it) = Money. Not to mention girls get nearly half discounts on bulk prices. He thought he was getting a good deal, until he realizes he can't report them for fear of rape charges as he was administering them GHB.
I was never invited to the big hotel parties, with the intense sex, Breaking Bad level Methamphetamine, Wine coolers of GHB, Kush forests and the big bosses throwing their dollar bills at young attractive women. I never really felt I would fit in. I'm no crook. I'd clean a product and be a good business man, but the eyes of the law seem to glare back at my mind's eye as I daydream.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Priscilla was always invited to these hotel events. I can only imagine her getting sky high and having sex with one of the bosses. Getting money and more tools to satisfy her insatiable lust for power. GHB and meth is just about the last thing you want your significant other to take without you in the room. Talk about heart break.
Does Renz Envy care? He has no proof and the steps taken to get proof of Priscilla cheating are threatening to him, therefore Renz Envy will chill and treat her nicely. It's a thieve's world. We form relationships for personal gain. Some are investments, some are liabilities. Jumping straight to the, "you're cheating" card is exactly what everyone else would do, and thus they'd lose a bright, beautiful, independent girl with frightening ambition.
This concludes part one of Renz Envy's attempt to reach an emotional breakage point. Heart Break, Meth Psychosis, Alcohol withdrawals, Benzo withdrawals and other stresses. I hit the breaking point once and lost all sense of reason. During those 36 hours of hell, I had created so many hypothetical situations, that one of them actually turned out to be a very very intricate truth. Too accurate to be a guess. Yet it was a guess.
The following was written about:
Meth
GHB
Alcohol
Marijuana
Klonopin
Lyrica
Kava
L-tryptophan
Taurine
Gaba Plus
No drugs were used in the production of this fictional piece of work...
This article was created to give an idea of how the meth world runs. Feel free to criticize, I'm pretty much out of all that. PM me if you have any serious questions.(I will answer questions about culture, but do not ask names or hook ups.)
'Priscilla
As of lately I've neglected a lot of my responsibilities and thus my financial, family and mental well-being have been greatly hampered with. The girl I'm dating, not to blame, is a factor in me losing control of my own life.
The girl, (Priscilla, not her real name) has put me in a position where she wants me to spend even more time with her than I previously had. That would require literally a full time day-to-day hang out session doing nothing constructive. If I were to do as she wishes, I could kiss my future good bye. Sure I may be able to live with her for a few months, but eventually I would grow weak. She would lose interest. And then Renz Envy has lost everything for a girlfriend.
I love Priscilla, but Priscilla likes speed. I'm not completely comfortable dating someone who can take a sex drug that gives the user sociopathic tendencies. I take speed too, but my sociopathic attitude is withheld by a framework of fundamental morals. She enjoys the high risk situations. Guns, fast cars, hot sex, organized theft. I enjoy art, science, novelty, and peace.
I've long suspected she was cheating on me fairly consistently. She denies it, but I watch her eyes dart up-to the left-to the right, when confronted with a question like, "Why did you disappear for 3 hours last night?". I've never been the kind to cheat. I understand a lot of people think it's fun to do something wrong and dirty, but in the end, the people who seek instant gratification at the expense of others always seem to be the ones begging for forgiveness. I consider myself a very seasoned lie detector.
To her I am greedy and selfish. Her life style took a turn for the worse one night when she was charged with drug possession. She is now on probation and has to quit her addictions. I am greedy and selfish, because I am not constrained due to my conservative approach when it comes to risk taking. In this case, the person in the back seat was selling an 8-ball of dope to what was clearly a police officer.
There is a unique feeling I get while in a position of danger:
1) Anxiety, unease, fight or flight response
2) Reaffirming that the situation is dangerous (I know that guy is a LEO and he doesn't want meth.)
3) My vibes anger everyone else as their internal cognition is so twisted that this situation seemed legit.
I left and got to my car. I was yelled at, called selfish and not deserving of Priscilla for my girlfriend. But folks, there's a lot of mice who dart for the cheese in the mousetrap, and they're all trapped. Later that night I got word that they had been sent to jail by a brigade of armored police. They had been set up 3 times that night.
Check mate. Drug career is over. Find a new life.
I even called out every set up. They thought I was paranoid.
No, Priscilla wanted to continue using despite her legal obligations. It wasn't until she began to crash, that I saw how weak she was. Fragile, anxious, broken, a once straight A student reduced to a homeless meth addict for the love of the game. I couldn't dislike her. I loved her despite the things she had done to me behind my back. The abundance of free drugs being in the friendship circle was obscene. I was no more guilty than she was. Perhaps I was using her for drugs, but then again I would rather be with her in a world without drugs than lose her in a world with all the drugs I ever wanted.
She cried. She refused to open up to me. It was time for Renz Envy to quit walking down the valley of incarceration-death and begin a new path toward glory. I want to provide a shelter for her and be with her all day. We love each other. But I'm afraid my words were all caustic.
"I want to help you, but I can't help both of us if I'm sinking. I want to be a good boyfriend with a loving family and friends, not a bum. I need time to make the money to provide for us." Renz Envy preached.
"Wow, That was a slap in the face." Priscilla complained, "If you can't be with me more often, I'm not going to be your gf."
It was like that. I was stuck in an uphill battle. She thinks I'm greedy and selfish for getting my destroyed life back on track. She may imagine that I can actually make a living as a white male, selling hard drugs and living constantly on the run with her. Hah. I'll be destroyed by both sides. Law and the organizations. Middle class white boys typically go off and do other things with their lives... Like becoming doctors or accountants. A drug dealer... Maybe marijuana, but meth? No. Talk about getting robbed for a living. Not like I could retaliate very well. That and almost every man I know ends up in prison.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
Girls? Well, the ones with a little brains, like Priscilla, are scary at drug dealing. Get two girls with a fairly rich man. Priscilla uses her charm to distract the unfortunate horny bloke while the second girl stashes his valuables in her purse. After the sex and love is over, the guy is given GHB, where he's too scatterbrained to know what was lost until they're long gone. This was a drug deal.
Drug deal(profit) + Valuables taken (Like credit cards, SSN, DL, gold, you name it) = Money. Not to mention girls get nearly half discounts on bulk prices. He thought he was getting a good deal, until he realizes he can't report them for fear of rape charges as he was administering them GHB.
I was never invited to the big hotel parties, with the intense sex, Breaking Bad level Methamphetamine, Wine coolers of GHB, Kush forests and the big bosses throwing their dollar bills at young attractive women. I never really felt I would fit in. I'm no crook. I'd clean a product and be a good business man, but the eyes of the law seem to glare back at my mind's eye as I daydream.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Priscilla was always invited to these hotel events. I can only imagine her getting sky high and having sex with one of the bosses. Getting money and more tools to satisfy her insatiable lust for power. GHB and meth is just about the last thing you want your significant other to take without you in the room. Talk about heart break.
Does Renz Envy care? He has no proof and the steps taken to get proof of Priscilla cheating are threatening to him, therefore Renz Envy will chill and treat her nicely. It's a thieve's world. We form relationships for personal gain. Some are investments, some are liabilities. Jumping straight to the, "you're cheating" card is exactly what everyone else would do, and thus they'd lose a bright, beautiful, independent girl with frightening ambition.
This concludes part one of Renz Envy's attempt to reach an emotional breakage point. Heart Break, Meth Psychosis, Alcohol withdrawals, Benzo withdrawals and other stresses. I hit the breaking point once and lost all sense of reason. During those 36 hours of hell, I had created so many hypothetical situations, that one of them actually turned out to be a very very intricate truth. Too accurate to be a guess. Yet it was a guess.
The following was written about:
Meth
GHB
Alcohol
Marijuana
Klonopin
Lyrica
Kava
L-tryptophan
Taurine
Gaba Plus
No drugs were used in the production of this fictional piece of work...
This article was created to give an idea of how the meth world runs. Feel free to criticize, I'm pretty much out of all that. PM me if you have any serious questions.(I will answer questions about culture, but do not ask names or hook ups.)