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Mental Health A&E for suicide prevention?

It'd be a shame if you killed yourself. Please don't do it! You have a personality that just...draws people to you. You really have something there. Being suicidal sucks, and I'm sorry you're going through it. You may be at the bottom of the barrel, but the only direction you can go now is up. Do you have any sort of outlet? Maybe writing, singing, playing an instrument, etc. Hell, even some type of physical activity. If all else fails, vent to us here! Please, please hang on. You'll be glad you did.
 
Please pagey, got to A and E. Ive nearly been there before at low points during my addiction, You are and adult. You admit yourself.
Next of kin should only be contacted if something serious, For example, you are near death. I know this as I work in the medical field.
(yes, Even during my addiction I held down a job and hid it).
It is extremely unlikely you will be sectioned, as this is very rarely done now, but it could be one outcome.
Please please got to A and E, you WILL get through it, and I wish you the best outcome possible.<3
 
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Though you seem to be feeling better atm I can see how exhausting this emotional rollercoaster must be for you. One of the things that stands out to me looking in from the outside (so take this with a large grain of salt, but do consider it) is that there is this persistent voice inside that says, "nothing I do will ever change my suffering". In a way, this voice is telling the truth and in another way it is an absolute lie. The truth is that life will always be full of suffering. We are alone and at a certain level we always will be. No one can save us from that fact. People we love will not love us back, or love us half-heartedly or selfishly or they will love us magnificently and then change or even die. There is no escaping the suffering. On the other hand, we can connect with love in so many forms. We can experience the joy that is always there for us in bonding with others through friendship, through sex, through shared experiences. We can experience the thrill of simply walking on this miraculous planet. We can learn to see suffering as transient as joy and become agile at living. When I forget how to live (and it happens to me all the time) I go to the beach. If you spend a day at a wild and tumultuous beach, watching the tide pull out 8 feet of sand and then within a matter of hours throw it all back again, and watch the waves build into these monstrous destructive forces and then die down and build and die down again, you begin to feel the rhythm of change and all the while the sea and the land are constant. Nature is a great teacher and a calming force for our species. I know that you live in the city and this can really separate you from this deep healing. But even in most cities, it is a short train ride to somewhere wild. Could you organize a day off with a friend or two if you don't feel up to going alone? Sometimes it can be more healing than anything.

A last comment about in-patient. I have called the crisis line (in the U.S.) several times in my life when I felt seriously suicidal. I asked to go to the psyche ward and did go. In all cases it was for the standard 72 hour hold and my experience was like Jackie's in that it was a safe little bubble for me to float in while I marshaled my own strengths. This can really vary county to county and state to state so I'm sure that there is not even enough similarity between countries to warrant my sharing this in your case but it may be useful for someone here to know that it was a positive experience. One of the things to think about however is stigma. In my case, I didn't care and didn't have to. That is different for every person however so I don't discount it. Stigma, when it comes to mental health is no small matter. It is right up there with the stigma that comes with addiction. However we can all lend ourselves to the fight against such ridiculous prejudice is something we should all attempt to do. It's one of my favorite things about Bluelight that here at least, that stigma is practically nonexistent.

Hang in there, beautiful, and see yourself as a strong swimmer. You are not stuck.<3
 
Okay well I ended up going to A&E this morning feeling kind of delirious after two sleepless nights in a row. I was seen by a psychiatrist pretty quickly and I spoke to her for quite a while and eventually left with a Xanax script which I really plan on using responsibly and NOT abusing, and an Ambien prescription. She said she didn't feel I needed to stay at the hospital or anything and that the meds should help me get myself back on track for the moment, but that I should talk to my psychiatrist about getting on anti-depressants and/or having more therapy sessions. So yeah, it went pretty well thankfully.
 
Yayyyy! I'm glad you're back and didn't need to stay, Pagey. <3 Just remember to follow up with your psychiatrist and to keep your own best interests regarding your health in mind. I know it feels damn good to be able to help other people, but when you're not helping yourself it's not as enjoyable. Lots of love, hun. I'm always here if you need to talk. <3
 
That's good Pagey. There's always a fear here that when you offer advice from your own experience on something like this that someone else will have a completely different experience that's a bit of a nightmare for them, so I'm relieved for one your experience was pretty much as I expected it to be, and for two that it seems to have been a positive one for you. I'm glad about that. Keep battling chick! :)
 
I am really glad that it went well. It was a very proactive thing to do and you should feel very proud of yourself for doing it. I know that you already know my reservations about the xanax. Is there anyone at all that you would trust to hold them for you as a back-up measure to take them only as prescribed?

Always keep in mind that going into the places inside that scare you the most are the only true path to self-acceptance and an ease with being. You need support when you are feeling fragile and vulnerable, but it is that very vulnerability that is the best teacher and provides you with an opportunity to grow. <3
 
Thank you spork, Sepher and herby :)

herbavore - I know, I'm a bit anxious about the the xanax as well considering my history with it. I really want to do it right this time though, and only use it when I really, really need it. I wish there was someone I could give it to but I don't want anyone to know I need it. It's stupid I know, but I'm so ashamed of everything that's been going on these past few days and I don't want anyone else to have any kind of insight into that. I feel like I've failed myself or something, I've never been such a mess as I was this week-end.

<3
 
you shouldn't feel ashamed nor want anyone to have insight into your problems. Maybe you need to open up more, deal with some of these feelings around drugs/yourself. I don't brag that i have a benzo script or anything but i also don't really care if anyone knows either. Many people like to only show the best side of themselves to others but really that isn't the whole picture and you can develop much better relationships/friendships if you really open up and stop caring what your family/other people think.

There is definitely a stigma against mental illness, there's no denying that and most people know such medications are used by people with some form of illness, so i can see why you don't want people to know but if that's the case you're also missing out on what could be a ton of support/help/understanding and empathy from others. There are more people than you'd think who struggle with life, because many people do put on their best face and hide the rest from everyone else.
 
Oh wow uh that would take a while to explain but the gist of it is that I absolutely despise everything about myself and think I would be doing the whole world a favor if I left it. I'm embarrassed about who I am and I feel like I have strictly nothing to contribute to the world so I don't feel like I deserve to be a part of it, I guess. I feel like I've tried everything to get better, whether it be the unhealthy route (drugs) or the healthy one (exercise, socialising, therapy...) and nothing has helped at all...it's just tireing in the end.
 
Pagey, you have so much to live for and don't want you to feel you have nothing to contribute. You're pretty, funny and smart. Even through your tragedies, you tried to hold it together. I wish I had some words of wisdom besides keep your head up. You can always start over, I've been through some shit too lately. You can message me anytime you need to talk. <3 I'm here for you.
 
Pagey said:
Oh wow uh that would take a while to explain but the gist of it is that I absolutely despise everything about myself and think I would be doing the whole world a favor if I left it. I'm embarrassed about who I am and I feel like I have strictly nothing to contribute to the world so I don't feel like I deserve to be a part of it, I guess. I feel like I've tried everything to get better, whether it be the unhealthy route (drugs) or the healthy one (exercise, socialising, therapy...) and nothing has helped at all...it's just tireing in the end.
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Who cares if you have nothing to contribute to the world? Your existence doesn't have to be justified by how much you contribute to society or how much you help others. Most countries don't even kill murdering child rapists for this reason, because life is sacrosanct and everyone has the basic right to existence no matter what they have or haven't done. So why hold yourself to a higher standard than everyone else? There's no requirement to be a good person in life. If you want to do good things by your own free will then that's good but just because you don't live up to your expectations about what kind of person you imagine you should be it doesn't mean you lose your self worth as a human being.
 
T. Calderone said:
Pagey, you have so much to live for and don't want you to feel you have nothing to contribute. You're pretty, funny and smart. Even through your tragedies, you tried to hold it together. I wish I had some words of wisdom besides keep your head up. You can always start over, I've been through some shit too lately. You can message me anytime you need to talk. <3 I'm here for you.
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Thank you, you can always feel free to message me as well <3
Artificial Emotion said:
Who cares if you have nothing to contribute to the world? Your existence doesn't have to be justified by how much you contribute to society or how much you help others. Most countries don't even kill murdering child rapists for this reason, because life is sacrosanct and everyone has the basic right to existence no matter what they have or haven't done. So why hold yourself to a higher standard than everyone else? There's no requirement to be a good person in life. If you want to do good things by your own free will then that's even better but just because you don't live up to your expectations about what kind of person you imagine you should be it doesn't mean you lose your self worth as a human being.
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I need to have something to contribute to the world because otherwise there's no point in my hanging on here. I hate my life, I'm miserable with it, so the only thing that keeps me going is thinking maybe I've got something to give to others, maybe there's a reason why I survived suicide attempts that should have killed me, maybe I have some sort of 'role' here. I don't care if that sounds stupid, it probably does, but I need to find a reason to be here and contributing something to the world is the only one I can find. And I'm not doing that.
 
I'm not judging anyone else, if you don't think you're worthless then you're not, I don't really have anything to say about that. I'm only talking about myself and what I need to give myself a reason to go on.
 
really you have to learn to love yourself, every aspect of yourself, it pains me to hear that people hate themselves. I spend the majority of the time in my life in my own head, with my own self, so i best get along with it for life to work. I don't want to pry or anything at the root issues but mine are in my upbringing, mostly my dad. I know you've had issues with ur dad as well, and so has my sister, we both suffer from self esteem issues, so maybe we can relate in that aspect but one thing i've learned is that you have to start appreciating the little things about yourself that make you, you.

i think you are just seeing things through those dark glasses of depression, there are two sides to the coin though. And that is life.
 
Thought I'd bump this thread cos irony of ironies, after all the advice I handed out ^up there^ I had to ring myself an ambulance last Thursday night because there was a very good chance I wouldn't have been here Friday morning if I hadn't, I was that close to having done with the whole sorry charade.

Best thing I could have done. I wasn't that drunk, I'd woken up still drunk with pretty much alcohol poisoning, I couldn't get the stuff down if I wanted to, two beers or something but I'd still been good as drunk all day. I was put into your usual little cubicle waiting for the nurses to get round to me, like they do. Took a couple of hours, probably to give me some time to sober up a little. Psych nurse came to see me first for an initial assessment, gave me Librium as a safeguard though to be fair I probably didn't need it, I don't get DTs. It was then a couple of hours more till the mental health crisis team got to me.

Loooooong chat with the crisis team, maybe half an hour of me just pouring out stuff, G*d knows where it all came from but they were so patient, gentle with me, so kind, they were truly lovely people to talk, it was such a relief having someone to speak to. We pretty much all agreed between us that I should stay overnight and we'd see how things looked in the morning. From there went into a small observation room to wait out the night.

Obs room was really quite funny, and fun. I know, last thing you'd expect, go figure, but there were five of us in there, all exact same reason. One had self-harmed already, one had been brought in by his partner cos he'd been drinking white spirit ( paint stripper basically 8o ), couple of other guys who'd called an ambulance like me afraid for themselves. We had a great night, best thing could have happened to me. We swapped war stories, chatted booze and drugs, mental health, the lunacy booze brings out in you, all sorts. We all enjoyed it, and as ever with places like these it kinda puts your own struggles into some kind of perspective talking to people worse off than you.

About 8am I was calm, sober, and considerably cheered up, asked to see the crisis team who immediately let me home. Bit shit: it's all very well ringing an ambulance but they don't take you home again. I had to walk the four miles or whatever it is but so what, I've done further, I regularly walk to town. Be prepared people, always make sure you pick some money up if you've got any! :\ Saw the addiction unit next day, back on a bit more of an even keel.

So, yeah, that's it really. It was exactly as per my previous experience really already noted above. Just typing this up to reiterate the point: there is nothing to fear and everything to gain picking up the phone and making the emergency call. It's a life-saver. :)
 
Sepher, I'm really happy to hear it went so well for you. Having fun in the observation room is probably the last thing I would have expected but it's fantastic you got to connect with some other people. Good for you for having the guts to call an ambulance and I'm glad to see you back among us and feeling better :) <3
 
Words can't describe how glad I am that you got that help when you needed it, Sepher. I'm extremely thankful that you're back here with us. <3 <3 <3
 
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