• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

A crush disturbing my life! Need help

P

Peekaboosound

Greenlighter
Joined
May 7, 2013
Messages
12
It's the first time I am reaching out for help about this subject. I have been married for 7 years. 3 years ago I met a guy who worked in a coffee shop I regularly went to... Instant attraction from both sides, that's where the fantasies began. I could not get him out of my mind and every time I went to where he worked brought me a step closer. It all ended when my husband got suspicious that there was some flirtation going on. I never go back to where he worked but I live close by and can see him regularly from far. Since 3 years I fantasize about him... Making love... Going up to him to speak... I can spend hours looking his name up on the Internet, Facebook... It even got so bad that I wrote him an anonymous note and sent it by mail. Am I crazy? It's not fair to my husband, I know. How to get this person out of my mind... It's like we have huge chemistry together...please help!
 
When you say you can see him regularly from afar, so you mean you're going by his house to look at him? Have you ever interacted at all besides flirting at his workplace? He might be married or in a relationship too for all you know. Having a fantasy or crush is one thing. But if you find after all this time, you're fixated on this man you have to ask yourself what's missing in your marriage?
 
Sounds rough. You're going to have to find a way to mute these feelings and figure out where they are coming from. Maybe at your core, you don't really want a relationship or maybe you want multiple partners, etc? Either way, you should do something before you end up cheating and damaging your partner. I hope you figure it out.
 
It sounds like sometimes is lacking in your marriage. I would suggest spicing your life up with your hubby! You've been together for a while--you just need a good adrenaline rush. Whip out the travel books or plan a little day trip going somewhere NEW doing something NEW and exciting!

You kind of sound like my father. Married for 15+ years and he sent flowers to a girl in the building across the street. (with a secret admirer note). Turned into a 1 yr relationship and destroyed the family.
 
Thank you for the quick replies!
I see him from far at his work place. He works at a coffee shop and is often outside serving drinks when it's nice. I will very often take a different root to my work just to pass by his work. I wait for the bus at the stop right in front of his work ( even though there is one closer) I search for eye contact with him and I feel that he does too unless it's my imagination. Verbalizing this all makes me feel like I have become a stalker ...! I love my husband very much. He is a very good person and we have a good friendship. But I am not very sexuality excited by him even though he is good looking guy! It's like I am craving for this first encounter run of adrenaline and excitement... It's taking up too much space in my mind over the years, I'm starting to think I might have a serious problem...I spend time getting pretty just to pass by his work it's as though I am making myself available when I'm not.
 
Oh, maybe... you should cheat on your husband WITH your husband. Do a little role playing. Like, meet at a hotel and get all dressed up.. but do it all with your husband. !!!

Also, yeah, well, my father did it-- 14 years of marriage and 3 children (4, 12, 13). It's really not that hard nor complicated.
 
I understand where you are coming from. I guess it must have been really hard for you as a kid to go through that. Sorry about that! I Will try and find ways to work on our relationship... To spice it up...thanks for the help!
:)
 
how would it make you feel if the situation was in reverse and your husband was sourcing out a female, sending her anonymous love letters etc. unbeknownst to you?

if you put as much positive mental energy into your marriage and husband as you do your "crush"; theres a possibility it could be as equally rewarding.

give it a try.

...kytnism...:|
 
Also, remember that this is just fantasy. You have no idea what this guy would be like in a marriage, in a relationship, or even in bed. He is just in your mind at this point. While I am not trying to discount the chemistry that's obviously there, it's more an indication of what you're missing in your current relationship than who he is.

I've been married for a long time and my wife and I are both working hard and are tired. I've been missing a spark like you're describing. But sex and spark don't last as long as the underlying relationship. Plus, (for a guy) unless you're young, how much sex could I really have? No matter how badly I want sexual passion, if I had to have one or the other, passion or a solid love and respect and raising a family together, I'd have to choose the second. I can live without the first - we've done so at various times in our relationship - but I can't live without the second right now.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top