I've decided I'd like to document some of my memorable sexual encounters of the past. The good, the bad and the ugly.
The first that pops into my head is the heinous encounter involving a guy I had been on a few dates with. We hadn't fucked yet but after a night out I invited him back to my house, where I lived with my mum. I was 19. When we got home I was keen to blaze some weed and asked him if he wanted to share a joint or whether he wanted me to roll him his own. He opted for his own, and when we finished getting stoned he went to the toilet. I was totally ripped, sitting on my bed waiting for him to get out but after 20min he was still in there. I knocked on the door and he mumbled that he'd be out soon but another 15min went by and no sign of him. I knocked again and he said he was coming out this time, so I started getting undressed and folding back the quilt ready for us to get in and potentially have sex.
All of a sudden I see him standing in my bedroom doorway looking totally delirious. He starts taking off his jeans but as he does, I see him collapse in slow motion, ploughing into the tv on his way done. The force of his fall sends the tv and cabinet crashing right through the wall, creating an enormous hole in the plaster which he is now stuck in. Half his body is now inside the wall. I'm so stoned, and I immediately trip out, as he is out cold and doesn't appear to be getting up anytime soon. The cunt is totally unconscious! Then.. I hear the dreaded sound of footsteps down the hallway. The door swings open. It's my fucking mother in her nightie, coming to investigate the loud crash and finding a guy passed out in a hole in the wall with his pants around his ankles, and me standing there like a useless stoned person.
Mum is furious and starts trying to wake him up. He finally stirs, then looks around and sees what has happened. Mum storms off leaving me with this pole-axed unit, and he tries to get up and start fixing everything, apologising to me, completely humiliated. But I have no sympathy; I am so turned off my this dude and his amateur weed tolerance and feel sick just looking at him and the giant clusterfuck in front of me. I tell him to get in bed and he falls straight asleep snoring, and I laid there awake all night wishing he wasn't all up in my bed.
In the morning he said he couldn't get a lift home for another few hours. Fuck that. He lived an hour away so I got in the car in my pyjamas, drove there in silence and despite more profuse apologising on the way, as soon as he stepped out the car, I sped off before he even had a chance to close the door. I never saw him again, but will never forget that demolition night for as long as I live.
The first that pops into my head is the heinous encounter involving a guy I had been on a few dates with. We hadn't fucked yet but after a night out I invited him back to my house, where I lived with my mum. I was 19. When we got home I was keen to blaze some weed and asked him if he wanted to share a joint or whether he wanted me to roll him his own. He opted for his own, and when we finished getting stoned he went to the toilet. I was totally ripped, sitting on my bed waiting for him to get out but after 20min he was still in there. I knocked on the door and he mumbled that he'd be out soon but another 15min went by and no sign of him. I knocked again and he said he was coming out this time, so I started getting undressed and folding back the quilt ready for us to get in and potentially have sex.
All of a sudden I see him standing in my bedroom doorway looking totally delirious. He starts taking off his jeans but as he does, I see him collapse in slow motion, ploughing into the tv on his way done. The force of his fall sends the tv and cabinet crashing right through the wall, creating an enormous hole in the plaster which he is now stuck in. Half his body is now inside the wall. I'm so stoned, and I immediately trip out, as he is out cold and doesn't appear to be getting up anytime soon. The cunt is totally unconscious! Then.. I hear the dreaded sound of footsteps down the hallway. The door swings open. It's my fucking mother in her nightie, coming to investigate the loud crash and finding a guy passed out in a hole in the wall with his pants around his ankles, and me standing there like a useless stoned person.
Mum is furious and starts trying to wake him up. He finally stirs, then looks around and sees what has happened. Mum storms off leaving me with this pole-axed unit, and he tries to get up and start fixing everything, apologising to me, completely humiliated. But I have no sympathy; I am so turned off my this dude and his amateur weed tolerance and feel sick just looking at him and the giant clusterfuck in front of me. I tell him to get in bed and he falls straight asleep snoring, and I laid there awake all night wishing he wasn't all up in my bed.
In the morning he said he couldn't get a lift home for another few hours. Fuck that. He lived an hour away so I got in the car in my pyjamas, drove there in silence and despite more profuse apologising on the way, as soon as he stepped out the car, I sped off before he even had a chance to close the door. I never saw him again, but will never forget that demolition night for as long as I live.