9 days clean, 9 days of W/D, it's gotta get better.

[SKGilroy]

I'm surprisingly proud of myself for making it 9 days. I've spent 15 years on tramadol: the first 12 years were legit but the last 3 I've taken 50-70 tablets a day. And no, I shouldn't be alive. But since I am and since I've made through th first week of absolute hell its time for to start life over. I've lost my house, my excellent job and my self respect.

Ive tried to quit probably 20 times. I made it 3 months once but couldn't get through the depression and exhaustion. This time it's different: no taper, I went from 2500mg on Jan 13 down to 100mg on Jan 19. As you can imagine the first 3 days just about did me in, the worst 72 hours of my life. I did use loperamide, a little klonopin and started Wellbutrin day 2.

On day 4 I finally told someone about my addiction. Holy shit, that alone made a huge difference. I know I'm nowhere near done with this. I've never seen a post from someone that has taken as much as I have for as long as I have. It seems like the PAWS for most clears up after month 3, sometimes month 6. How long will it take me, considering how much I've used? I'm anticipating a full year, maybe longer.

This is it for me. This is my time to succeed, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. The quote below runs thru my head constantly. I didn't come up with it but I don't know who did. Thanks for listening.

~It will never be easier to quit than it is today~


Also, please don't try what I did. I absolutely should've been under medical supervision but I'm a little stubborn.

 

[the last dose]

You have the right state of mind to quit for life and that quote is dead on right!. I was on oxy everyday for the last 20 years and quit after a long ween on black friday im like 57 days now off ops and i have that same mindset you have its what it takes to be successful. I didnt have too bad of wds because of my long painful ween but im glad i did. I had lyrica, clonidine, some weed brownies ford wds which worked really good, paws has been a bitch it gets better as you go but you have to earn it with exercise, supplements and the new koss bluetooth headphones i bought before wds are the best distraction i have them on all the time going for walks and working out. Where im at now id rather take a bullet then have to fill my pain receptors with a pill bottle in my pocket that follows me daily and without them im fucked!. Insomnia sucks bad in paws and some other stuff but you do and take what you can to slay that dragon because in the end you dont end up having to take meds around the clock to survive anymore. For me i would have delt with even more to end that bullshit. Day 9 now you got this best of luck!