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8 months sober down the drain because of kratom

DrinksWithEvil

DrinksWithEvil

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 25, 2009
Messages
29,632
hey guys i have been stressed out lately trying to figure out living situations. im 29 and been feeling really blah about life and the fact that i have nothing and its so hard to get ahead in the world..working at target for min wage etc...it just seems impossible to get ahead..i havent been going to meetings and been thinking about using for the last month...
finally i bought some kratom as a one time thing..i just got back and got some more. my cycle has started, and im afraid ill get kicked out of my sober house and lose my girlfriend. i knew all the consequences beforehand also...

i just hope i can pull myself out of this before it gets worse and goes to booze and heroin
 
Many people I have known who live in sober housing use kratom on the DL to maintain and avoid slipping back into more harmful substance use patterns. It is stressful, because you have to deal with lying to staff and such about your sobriety, but IMHO you gotta do what you gotta do.

Recovery almost never takes a straight, linear path. You have gained SO MUCH during your eight months of sobriety. Know that just because you have begun to use kratom does not in any way negate or diminish all of your hard work during that time. It also doesn't mean that you cannot continue making progress in your recovery. Recovery is not simply abstinence, it is finding ways to move ahead in your life, set your own goals meaningful to you according to wherever you are at, eventually finding ways of accomplishing them.

Just because you have decided to begin using kratom, that also doesn't mean you will necessarily continue using kratom indefinitely. It also doesn't necessarily mean you will end up in the same patterns of harmful substance use you found yourself with booze and heoin. How you choose to use kratom is entirely up to you.

Perhaps you would benefit from a period of maintenance from kratom until you feel more satisfied in other areas of your life? The biggest challenge, and greater joy once found, is finding meaning in your life. Substance use can both facilitate and hinder this process, depending on how you go about it.

Do you have a harm reduction plan related to your kratom use?
 
If you can rock his plan then right on... Me personally I'd go from sober, to 10 grams a day, too shoveling every scoop I could into my mouth chasing a very non existent high in the course of a week..... Opiates and me are like that.... Plus from my experience that shit PINS my pupils, easily as bad as subs/percs. I'd try to drop it now. If you've been through a real deal detox then kratom w/d while not fun, ain't really shit. I wouldn't fuck with the place that gives you a place to live and respect their rules and regulations. Just my .02.
 
ya i cant do kratom, i have no willpower. i know that they send my piss out to a lab and test for kratom.. but i still did it knowing that i would not have a place to live. hoping that 36 hours will be enough for it to be out of my system. its so shit that i decided to use knowing all the consequences, putting stres back on my dad who has cancer. letting my gf down who loves me to death.

i need to just hit some meetings and have enough will power to say no when i get stressed or bored. sigh.
 
I'm sorry to hear that DWE. I too hope it doesn't show up. It seems very rarely tested for, even by the best labs. Frankly I wouldn't be too worried about it unless you know for a fact it been caught in other UA tests.

Good idea to check some meetings out. Do you have any remaining kratom left? If you do, have you thought about what you'll do with it?
 
DrinksWithEvil said:
ya i cant do kratom, i have no willpower. i know that they send my piss out to a lab and test for kratom.. but i still did it knowing that i would not have a place to live. hoping that 36 hours will be enough for it to be out of my system. its so shit that i decided to use knowing all the consequences, putting stres back on my dad who has cancer. letting my gf down who loves me to death.

i need to just hit some meetings and have enough will power to say no when i get stressed or bored. sigh.
Click to expand...

You know what you've gotta do, then do it. There's always going to be stress and boredom in life. I'm battling with this myself. Brother we've got to find a way to become emotionally strong without a substance.
Can you talk to you GF about it when those feelings come up? I'm sure if she loves you she'll find a way to alleviate both ;).
 
^ Yep!

toothpastedog said:
Recovery almost never takes a straight, linear path.
Click to expand...

I agree, it's different for everyone. Some people don't even drink coffee while others accept using anything but their drug of choice.I have personally had difficulties in trying to sober up from opiates while taking any sort of substance that resembles opiates effects. Benzos too. I think kratom would fall in that category.

The important thing here is to realize this is a process and you've succeeded for 8 months and haven't really failed. This is just a hiccup! Start over and do it again. You can do this. If I did it you could it too! ;)

Sometimes being sober makes us extremely bored and for most people we find it difficult to have fun. I'd strongly suggest that you find something you would like to do, sports, skating, video games, travelling. Whatever suits you. Start an exercise it's gonna help you immensely you'll feel good about yourself. It might take a while until you are happy, but it's definitely better than it was before. One day at a time.
 
I am currently 13 days sober, counting the days like the tiles on the ceiling... I am currently using bali kratom as a temporary crutch because the methadone and sub route just didn't work in my favor unfortunately. I have a very close friend that is in sober living and he knows some people who use kratom every now n then when they have a wild hair up there ass. Although my opinion of kratom may be different than others, the fact is that you deff should respect the rules n shit. Basically what
toothpastedog
Click to expand...
said up top. stay strong my dude and be kind to yourself.

much love,
lucifer
 
i did end up flushing it down the toilet, now im trying to decide if i should tell my gf or not
 
What are her views in substance use disorder and lapses or relapses? How long have you been with her?

How do you think she'd actually react vs. what is the worst case scenario?
 
Don't beat yourself up. See this as a learning experience that tells you that you can't use opiates, or other drugs .

Start going to meetings again, and get a sponsor or if you have one talk to him or her. There's nothing wrong with having a girlfriend but focus on yourself and your sobriety and recovery instead of the relationship.
 
First off, congrats on the sobriety but most importantly MOVE FORWARD and forget about it...We are all addicts and great at justifications so look at it from this perspective---YOU TOOK AN ALL NATURAL PLANT!!! Yes--kratom is addictive and powerful but look on the bright side--it wasn't heroin...

YOU ARE STILL 8 MONTHS SOBER!!! KEEP IT UP!
 
toothpastedog said:
What are her views in substance use disorder and lapses or relapses? How long have you been with her?

How do you think she'd actually react vs. what is the worst case scenario?
Click to expand...

i told her. shes very understanding about my addiction. shes a normie. she was upset but willing to work with me i gave her my debit card to hold.
she said shes not going to like me now cuz shes going to be so hard on me calling me and taking me to meetings and such.
shes a great gf we have been together for 6 months..she knew i was a heroin addict and hep c/ no job etc etc. she bartends and doesnt drink
 
Sounds like a pretty good reaction. I hope you are able to achieve your goals vis a vis recovery right now and that she is able to clearly see your efforts and movement in favorable directions with your sobriety.

Sounds like you have found yourself quite a darn good partner! I am happy for you comrade :)
 
With addicts relapse comes with the territory. No one is immune. I had 15 years and relapsed. Struggled for ten more years and have got two years now. This seems to be a chronic condition and needs chronic treatment. So shit happens, it doesn't make you a bad person it makes you human. It's OK, just dust yourself off and do the best you can.

The only thing that concerns me, is the feeling blah and stressed out. This seems like it needs to be addressed somehow. And it always puzzles me that addicts and alcoholics do not avail themselves of help when they fall on their face and go splat. There are so many hands reaching out to help you up again if you only reach out to grab them.Their are Doctors who specialize in addiction medicine, every therapist in the phone book probably half their clients have substance abuse issues, anyone in the program who is solid will help you as best they know how. Because we keep what we have by giving it away. Any pastor or priest who is serious about loving humanity will listen to everything you've got. But the DIY mentality is so pervasive, it makes me sad because it prolongs the agony.



May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness,
May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering,
May all beings never be separated from the supreme joy that is beyond all sorrow,
May all beings abide in equanimity free from attachment and aversion
 
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