Can't believe i've actually "done" it and kicked 7 years on Heroin. I feel so much fucking better, but not 100%. I honestly advise anyone and everyone to just get on with it and ride it out. Of course i have insane cravings but that's a given, ain't, it? Dunno why im posting this i just feel extremely happy at this moment in time! On wards and upwards, time to take life by the baws!
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H&R Moderators: streaM Freak
7 years a smack head, 7 days clean!
- Thread starter Opikit
- Start date
T. Calderone
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2010
- Messages
- 8,981
Well done, this is something to celebrate! Of course, you're going to have cravings. Remember what they say in the program about people, places and things. I'm going to move this to our Sober Living section if you don't mind. Welcome to Bluelight!
Congrats my friend thats a huge accomplishment for you. Its not easy to do but worth it in the end when you can finally feel happy about something besides heroin. I wish i could get clean and sober ive struggled with opiate addiction just a little longer than you i sold heroin and was doing an 8ball a day i was miserable. Now im on Suboxone tablets and feel alot better but still cant say im clean since buprenorphine is an opiate and i still smoke cannabis daily. Im happy for the moment though anything is better than being a heroin addict i always say being a heroin addict is the worst existance any human being can live. You got to change your whole life now to avoid cravings by not seeing any friends who get high still and not being in the same place you used to get high at since these are all triggers. Addicts once they quit their brain starts to forget the bad parts of drug addiction and starts to tell you its fine to use again remember how good it made you feel. This is why so many relapse they listen to that voice in their head telling them its gonna be okay if they use. Youll notice if you talk about drugs you may talk like you idolise the substance this is normal you just have to find hobbys/jobs/relationships that keep you busy.
Good luck i truly hope you beat this and never return. Its something youll have to always watch in your life but it will get easier with time even if yoir brain will always be an addict's brain. Meetings are good such as AA or NA so try to find some in your area
Good luck i truly hope you beat this and never return. Its something youll have to always watch in your life but it will get easier with time even if yoir brain will always be an addict's brain. Meetings are good such as AA or NA so try to find some in your area
TryingToGetBetter
Bluelighter
Huge congratulations on 7 days Opikit that's awesome! Welcome to Bluelight also! I love the people on here they have great things to offer to help you continue your sobriety. It's great to hear you are confident and facing this challenge head on. The grass truly begins to look greener every day you wake up clean. The urges can be rough or they can be managed. Keep thinking this positive and make the changes you know you need to and your life can completely turn around before you know it.
Trainspotter hit the nail on the head. I'm 9 months sober from a hefty 5 year opiate addiction and the only way I could have made it this far is by changing people places and things relating to the addiction. I highly recommend AA and NA and encourage you to get involved if you feel comfortable. I personally went to several NA groups near my home but never found one I felt comfortable in.
I wish you luck and look forward to offering any advice or support along the way.
Trainspotter hit the nail on the head. I'm 9 months sober from a hefty 5 year opiate addiction and the only way I could have made it this far is by changing people places and things relating to the addiction. I highly recommend AA and NA and encourage you to get involved if you feel comfortable. I personally went to several NA groups near my home but never found one I felt comfortable in.
I wish you luck and look forward to offering any advice or support along the way
.
Nice work!!! Many people can slip into a PAWS phase for some months in early recovery. Here are some links if you have not checked them out. Here is also a link for a thread that contains an explanation of the addictive cycle.
Addiction Guide
Congratulations on making it through the first tunnel!!!!
Addiction Guide
NSFW:
Congratulations on making it through the first tunnel!!!!
BlueSaffron
Bluelighter
Congrats! Keep staying positive
Buprenorphine
Bluelighter
dooood nice freaking job! Def keep it going man. I been struggling with opiate addiction for years and years. I am also now on buprenorphine for the last 5 years... So I am not clean but it def has helped me alot.
However, I can tell you that I did kick opiates cold turkey before. I was taking 8mg bup at the time now I take 16 lol go figure. anyway it was two years ago May I decided fuck it I am going to go cold turkey. So I locked myself in my dads house and went through a little over one month of complete bs. Anyhow I made it and for the next 5 months stayed completely clean.
But for my some dumb ass reason started getting morphine again just once a week bs and next thing you know I am well back into it. MY ADVICE TO YOU
IS ... The time that I stayed clean I had to find things that interested me. SO i took alot of walks I lived in a nice spot of the country and loved to walk in the mountains. I also found the love of Golf. But once the weather got cold again and stopped walking and golfing I guess I relapsed and eventually got back on the buprenorphine..... Anyway you need to find stuff that interests you and keeps you busy man that is the key KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK and I hope you stay clean man
However, I can tell you that I did kick opiates cold turkey before. I was taking 8mg bup at the time now I take 16 lol go figure. anyway it was two years ago May I decided fuck it I am going to go cold turkey. So I locked myself in my dads house and went through a little over one month of complete bs. Anyhow I made it and for the next 5 months stayed completely clean.
But for my some dumb ass reason started getting morphine again just once a week bs and next thing you know I am well back into it. MY ADVICE TO YOU
IS ... The time that I stayed clean I had to find things that interested me. SO i took alot of walks I lived in a nice spot of the country and loved to walk in the mountains. I also found the love of Golf. But once the weather got cold again and stopped walking and golfing I guess I relapsed and eventually got back on the buprenorphine..... Anyway you need to find stuff that interests you and keeps you busy man that is the key KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK and I hope you stay clean man
BlueSaffron
Bluelighter
^I agree. I honestly believe a lot of us take drugs because they fill a big hole in our lives. Even if on the surface it looks like there's not a big hole. So we get clean and it's the honeymoon period and everythings great... but then life goes on and we get less happy and start thinking about using again. It's not that we can't be happy without drugs - it's that there's something missing. I honestly believe if you live a truly fulfilled life (whatever that means to YOU) then you shouldn't have too many cravings. We'll always have some, and I think that's normal, but if you can fill that hole with something else, I think the cravings will be minimal and get even less over time.
Buprenorphine
Bluelighter
Exactly right and thats where I failed.. after the summer was over and the fall began and that crisp cold air and the leaves falling I went right back to my old habbit! I fken had it 5 months man clean now two years later still on it. Never take your sobriety for granted because you never know when your going to get it back !!
Best of luck and your future of being clean !! Your great
Best of luck and your future of being clean !! Your great
Ta man
You are semi clean man so don't let that put you down in the slightest, being on subby's beats chasing tenners!Congrats my friend thats a huge accomplishment for you. Its not easy to do but worth it in the end when you can finally feel happy about something besides heroin. I wish i could get clean and sober ive struggled with opiate addiction just a little longer than you i sold heroin and was doing an 8ball a day i was miserable. Now im on Suboxone tablets and feel alot better but still cant say im clean since buprenorphine is an opiate and i still smoke cannabis daily. Im happy for the moment though anything is better than being a heroin addict i always say being a heroin addict is the worst existance any human being can live. You got to change your whole life now to avoid cravings by not seeing any friends who get high still and not being in the same place you used to get high at since these are all triggers. Addicts once they quit their brain starts to forget the bad parts of drug addiction and starts to tell you its fine to use again remember how good it made you feel. This is why so many relapse they listen to that voice in their head telling them its gonna be okay if they use. Youll notice if you talk about drugs you may talk like you idolise the substance this is normal you just have to find hobbys/jobs/relationships that keep you busy.
Good luck i truly hope you beat this and never return. Its something youll have to always watch in your life but it will get easier with time even if yoir brain will always be an addict's brain. Meetings are good such as AA or NA so try to find some in your area
I will write full reply to you all at the bottom, multi=quoted for my thank you's. Thank you mate!Thans a lot mate, the boredom's killing me. NA Sounds good!Huge congratulations on 7 days Opikit that's awesome! Welcome to Bluelight also! I love the people on here they have great things to offer to help you continue your sobriety. It's great to hear you are confident and facing this challenge head on. The grass truly begins to look greener every day you wake up clean. The urges can be rough or they can be managed. Keep thinking this positive and make the changes you know you need to and your life can completely turn around before you know it.
Trainspotter hit the nail on the head. I'm 9 months sober from a hefty 5 year opiate addiction and the only way I could have made it this far is by changing people places and things relating to the addiction. I highly recommend AA and NA and encourage you to get involved if you feel comfortable. I personally went to several NA groups near my home but never found one I felt comfortable in.
I wish you luck and look forward to offering any advice or support along the way
I shall start my scholarship in PAWS right now!Nice work!!! Many people can slip into a PAWS phase for some months in early recovery. Here are some links if you have not checked them out. Here is also a link for a thread that contains an explanation of the addictive cycle.
Addiction Guide
NSFW:
Congratulations on making it through the first tunnel!!!!
Your the man!Congrats! Keep staying positive
I am the same, many detox's under the belt. Some out of choice, others not. This time wasn't out of choice but i've turned that around but i'll explain some stuff at bottom of post, just saying my thank you's etc.
Boredom was my main reason! From being the popular guy in highschool who got all the birds....to this. The fact im a junky really gets me down! Thanks bro#!
Thanks a lot man.
So i was really hungry this evening and craving a cig so i went to tesco for a wee pull. I got like a weeks worth of shopping and ended up getting lots of steak too. As this was my old way of life, i've let myself down and sold the steak, bacon, etc and i bought a ten pound bag, (0.1g).
I know i'm a total fuck up. I know i won't feel bad tomorrow as i previously done 8 days, used for 4, then done these 7.
If anything the sheer hype around banging up that .1 bag was unbareable, i've been so fucking bored man. I was climbing the walls all afternoon thinking of something to do. I need to buy myself a new ps3 controller as this will help ALOT.
After hitting up the .1 bag i was so disapointed and angry. I got next to nothing from it!! It will only enforce the fact taking gear is a total waste of time for me. I gain nothing from it and should have bought tobacco instead.
I know im gonna get a load of stick for relapsing after being so postive earlier.
Do you think i will be back to square one tomorrow? Or will i have maybe minor withdrawl symptoms tomorrow and maybe the next day? If i didn't go stealing i wouldn't have stole the meats and scored, lesson learnt which is the main thing. I never done this 7 days from choice, i get no money until the 12th, fucking universal credits at the DWP has fucked everything up!
I'm sorry for wasting everyones time. This is just my worthless life story i guess. I started at 16, im now 21. I am waiting on a methadone clinic giving me a start as i done 6 months clean on methadone before but my mum died and i relapsed last august and again today. I had my initial methadone appointment a week ago and i will get a 2nd appointment in the space of 3 fucking months. I'll hopfully be better by then as i done well with it last time although being chained to a chemist and getting chucked off 80mls was HELL. Much much worse than a scag rattle.
I was going to keep this minor relapse quiet but i may aswell be honest.
TL;DR. I took a bag thinking it would be alright and amazing but it was totally disappointing. Lesson learned and I won't be so excited next time, i was so hungry that i went out on the flog, which lead to the meat isle which lead to me selling some of my lift and my thought process lead to buyin a bag.
I've let myself down.
Why did i go from being very strong minded and determined to extremely depressed and slipped so fucking easily? I should have been strong enough to sell the meat and buy tobacco. I only went because i was starving.
It's such a vicious circle.
It's such a vicious circle.
BlueSaffron
Bluelighter
You didn't waste anyone's time. I've relapsed before, we've all relapsed. If it was as simple as up and quitting and never using again this forum wouldn't even need to exist.
At least you learned from it. It's something that needs to be reinforced: IT IS NEVER GOING TO BE AS GOOD AS YOU THINK IT WILL. It never feels like it was worth it. My relapse with H didn't feel worth it. You get this idea that you're going to cave once and it's going to be fucking amazing and worth it, and it never is. It never, ever is. Those amazing moments we had when we first started using will never be back, you know why? Even if you got amazing shit and had no tolerance, you're in a different mindstate now - you know you're an addict and need to stop and be clean. So how can you enjoy it like that? You can't. Even if it was good you'll end up feeling guilty and like shit.
It'll never feel like you think it's going to feel. Being sober especially in the beginning can make you obsess on it - I'm guilty of it too. "God if I could just do it once.. it would be so good". Nope. It'll disappoint you.
Anyway tho... no point in beating yourself up about it. Brush yourself off & keep moving forward
At least you learned from it. It's something that needs to be reinforced: IT IS NEVER GOING TO BE AS GOOD AS YOU THINK IT WILL. It never feels like it was worth it. My relapse with H didn't feel worth it. You get this idea that you're going to cave once and it's going to be fucking amazing and worth it, and it never is. It never, ever is. Those amazing moments we had when we first started using will never be back, you know why? Even if you got amazing shit and had no tolerance, you're in a different mindstate now - you know you're an addict and need to stop and be clean. So how can you enjoy it like that? You can't. Even if it was good you'll end up feeling guilty and like shit.
It'll never feel like you think it's going to feel. Being sober especially in the beginning can make you obsess on it - I'm guilty of it too. "God if I could just do it once.. it would be so good". Nope. It'll disappoint you.
Anyway tho... no point in beating yourself up about it. Brush yourself off & keep moving forward
It's just i've been here before so many time's. My back story is quite the fuck of fuckups tbh. My mum was an addict all my life and i hated the stuff, it was in no way related that i became the same. I used to run downstairs and drop kick people for "squaring" her up when she was dopesick (i was like 10) When i think back, OUCH. If someone was squaring me up and i was dope sick it would hurt like a motherfucker if my kid came and fucked that up. No wonder i got my ass kicked haha!
I was big and ugly enough at 13 to 15ish to take pills, whizz and everything inbetween that i made my own mind up. I smashed many people for offering me it until a close friend smoked it in front of me and i thought fuck it give me a try. Hooked since.
So when i had gear and mum was ill, i couldn't watch her rattle? I gave it to her and it works the same in reverse as fucked up as that is. For years we both used, it was easy, 2 incomes on seperate weeks meant a constant supply along with me punting eckies and MK. She even kept my stuff so we were bust safe. We got on the methadone and stayed clean 6 months to a year, 2012. I was the main MK dealer in my town, i supplied every area pretty much and we both were IVing the stuff excesivly.
She had NO veins, groin was dead too, so after such a massive length of time taking MK which drys even my veins up after 2 hits, i started to worry. It was clearly very danergous for both us. More so her. We would have massive arguements because i wanted to not take it. "You can't tell me what to do!" People said shit like you'd think we were a couple which hurt because it was so sick but i felt that i had to protect her as i always did.
She didn't understand that we were peddling the stuff to survive. The more we took the less we made. Anyway, after no MK for a few months even though i know she took it when i wasn't around, she was very delerious one night. Complaining of pains in her lungs. She often got sick throughout life so i thought perhaps it was some thing bad. I called NHS 24 when it got worryingly bad and over 3 days. Useless cunts needed her to confirm but my mum had a groin operation years before and went through hell being an addict they provided no opiates. They packed her wound daily to keep it clean with no opiates. Ouch!
I eventually called her doctor after my methadone clinic realized how worried i was. It was genious~! I called her doc out and he called a non emergency ambulance.
Turns out she had endocarditis. After a week long battle, she seemed on the up and up until it spread to her lung which then collapsed. We made the dicision to turn the machine off and i never got to speak to her after her lung collapsing. This was without a doubt the hardest and most emotional period on my entire life. It still doesn't feel real. It hurts typing this. I miss her so much, as fucked up as my story is she was my mum. She was my emotions guardian and i've been lost without her. This all happened in july of 2013.
I ended up back on the gear after my 6 month to 1 years hiatus and got chucked off my methadone, and here i am!
I was big and ugly enough at 13 to 15ish to take pills, whizz and everything inbetween that i made my own mind up. I smashed many people for offering me it until a close friend smoked it in front of me and i thought fuck it give me a try. Hooked since.
So when i had gear and mum was ill, i couldn't watch her rattle? I gave it to her and it works the same in reverse as fucked up as that is. For years we both used, it was easy, 2 incomes on seperate weeks meant a constant supply along with me punting eckies and MK. She even kept my stuff so we were bust safe. We got on the methadone and stayed clean 6 months to a year, 2012. I was the main MK dealer in my town, i supplied every area pretty much and we both were IVing the stuff excesivly.
She had NO veins, groin was dead too, so after such a massive length of time taking MK which drys even my veins up after 2 hits, i started to worry. It was clearly very danergous for both us. More so her. We would have massive arguements because i wanted to not take it. "You can't tell me what to do!" People said shit like you'd think we were a couple which hurt because it was so sick but i felt that i had to protect her as i always did.
She didn't understand that we were peddling the stuff to survive. The more we took the less we made. Anyway, after no MK for a few months even though i know she took it when i wasn't around, she was very delerious one night. Complaining of pains in her lungs. She often got sick throughout life so i thought perhaps it was some thing bad. I called NHS 24 when it got worryingly bad and over 3 days. Useless cunts needed her to confirm but my mum had a groin operation years before and went through hell being an addict they provided no opiates. They packed her wound daily to keep it clean with no opiates. Ouch!
I eventually called her doctor after my methadone clinic realized how worried i was. It was genious~! I called her doc out and he called a non emergency ambulance.
Turns out she had endocarditis. After a week long battle, she seemed on the up and up until it spread to her lung which then collapsed. We made the dicision to turn the machine off and i never got to speak to her after her lung collapsing. This was without a doubt the hardest and most emotional period on my entire life. It still doesn't feel real. It hurts typing this. I miss her so much, as fucked up as my story is she was my mum. She was my emotions guardian and i've been lost without her. This all happened in july of 2013.
I ended up back on the gear after my 6 month to 1 years hiatus and got chucked off my methadone, and here i am!
TryingToGetBetter
Bluelighter
I'm with the fam right now but wanted to tell you to keep your head up. The worst thing you can do is mull over the relapse. I've relapsed many times it took me a several tries and many changes to get it right. You didn't waste our time you made a mistake and you've owned up to it. Move on and learn from this experience you can do this if you are truly determined. Your mood is going to change from highs to lows for a while.. it just takes time.
First off, congratulations on your 7 days clean.
Since you had a tiny relapse your withdrawals will probably be barely noticeable it at all, certainly doesn't worry about it until it happens, then find yourself some activities to distract your mind. A benzo might help with any withdrawals you do experience. I'm sure you can handle it.
Focus on your primary motivations to quit completely, this should be enough - if it isn't, maybe you're not ready to quit, or need to reevaluate what's important for you.
And lastly, don't celebrate prematurely I learnt this from my multiple attempts to give up various drugs, esp. smoking, "last one today" 8) Once you've been clean for 1 year, and all temptations to relapse are banished from your mind, as a consequence of real psychological change, then you'l be in a position to help others, and give advice and share what worked for you. Making you a valued contributor to the community.
You're still making progress, but think of what you're trying to achieve, and think about it often. That's my advice.
Since you had a tiny relapse your withdrawals will probably be barely noticeable it at all, certainly doesn't worry about it until it happens, then find yourself some activities to distract your mind. A benzo might help with any withdrawals you do experience. I'm sure you can handle it.
Focus on your primary motivations to quit completely, this should be enough - if it isn't, maybe you're not ready to quit, or need to reevaluate what's important for you.
And lastly, don't celebrate prematurely
I learnt this from my multiple attempts to give up various drugs, esp. smoking, "last one today" 8) Once you've been clean for 1 year, and all temptations to relapse are banished from your mind, as a consequence of real psychological change, then you'l be in a position to help others, and give advice and share what worked for you. Making you a valued contributor to the community. You're still making progress, but think of what you're trying to achieve, and think about it often. That's my advice.
Buprenorphine
Bluelighter
Yeah, man damn thats the cycle of our lives man I am telling ya. I knnow exactly what your going through. The hesitation, the up and downs. Like One day your like yeah I can do this. Then the next day is raining and you got nothing to do and you just get those memories as the rain is falling outside with that darkness outside.
How many times man how many times.
You def shoulda got that ps3 controller that will def help alot.
I know for a fact if I had my super nintendo working when I had that 5 months clean during the summer maybe I coulda made it thhrough the fall and winter becuase I love super nintendo lol.
The main point if stopping the scag is that you really really really gotta want it. That is the hardest part because going back to that hesitation is always what gets ya. Like you want it then you dont...
I know the feeling man i know it.
If you can get back into methadone I guess you can do it. But after 7 days man you had it. Any use after going clean for a while def affects you.
So Still mad ups for going 7 days. I guess from here on out we'll see how it goes.
The way I see it is, if you want it go for it, you got support right here, if not thats ok too because I know what it feels like to be a opiate user.
How many times man how many times.
You def shoulda got that ps3 controller that will def help alot.
I know for a fact if I had my super nintendo working when I had that 5 months clean during the summer maybe I coulda made it thhrough the fall and winter becuase I love super nintendo lol.
The main point if stopping the scag is that you really really really gotta want it. That is the hardest part because going back to that hesitation is always what gets ya. Like you want it then you dont...
I know the feeling man i know it.
If you can get back into methadone I guess you can do it. But after 7 days man you had it. Any use after going clean for a while def affects you.
So Still mad ups for going 7 days. I guess from here on out we'll see how it goes.
The way I see it is, if you want it go for it, you got support right here, if not thats ok too because I know what it feels like to be a opiate user.
Buprenorphine
Bluelighter
also sorry to hear about ur mum man. and its wild that your from Scotland lol you know the movie trainspotting? lol you gotta check that out sometime if you have not seen it lol
anyway, seems like you like to shoot your stuff, maybe if you get back onto methadone or whatever try taking it orally or snorting it or something to get rid of that memory of bootin ?
Hope things get better man
anyway, seems like you like to shoot your stuff, maybe if you get back onto methadone or whatever try taking it orally or snorting it or something to get rid of that memory of bootin ?
Hope things get better man
Thanks for the advice man! Yeah a handful of benzos would sure be great but im broke until the 12th of
september, ouch. I think going on the jungle juice (methadone) is maybe for the best. I had a habit before i'd
finished puberty so i feel like a complete robot without opiates, at least it's controled with methadone. I keep my
opiate armour lol. Yeah i feel like an ass, "i've totally done it!" relapses x hours later! 24 Hours down yet again, go me, lol...
Im glad someone can relate, this forums agold mine! Totalyy man,so many trials and tribulations!! My man DMX sums it up well in "Who We Be""
"(uh-huh) My ups, and downs (uhh), my slips, my falls (uhh)
My trials and tribulations (uhh), my heart, my balls (uhh)
My mother, my father, I love 'em, I hate 'em (uhh!)
Wish God, I didn't have 'em, but I'm glad that he made 'em
(uhh!) The roaches, the rats, the strays, the cats (what, what?!)
The guns, knives and bats, everytime we scrap
The hustlin, the dealin, the robbin, the stealin (uhh!)
The shit, hit the ceilin, little boy, with no feelin's
(damn) The frustration, rage, trapped inside a cage
Got beatin's 'til the age, I carried a twelve gauge
(aight!) Somebody stop me (please!), somebody come and get me
(what?!) Little did I know, that the Lord was ridin with me
The dark, the light (uhh), my heart (uhh), the fight (uhh)
The wrong (uhh!), the right (uhh!), it's gone (uhh!), aight?
"
ifes just a rollercoaster, maybe we have no control whatsoever? Perhaps we are all just stuck on this ride wit it's many ups and downs...Thats prob my dark passenger subconsciously convincing me to have another hit lol! I'll get there ;-) PS3 controller is gettingg bought asap to keep me busy cause it truely does help!
Gaming defo helps and when i get paid im gonna buy a pad! I can't help wondering if im only staying clean because im broke. If i had money i'd maybe be koed somewhere....I just dunno. I really would like to want to change but i guess i'm not. Or maybe i am. I knowi cant go on like this.
and as for booting, i got the needle feever bad bro, if im takings stims or any shit i gotta IV it. Mephedrone is the bomb IV. Ahh, can feel that feeling in my stomauch thinking about it!
I went to meth clnic today, still on dat waiting list and they are analysin the list daily so i appologized for missing appointments last time i was accepted and that i would 100% make it. Hopfully she puts a good word in
Course i've seen trainspotting man! It glamorizez the life too much i think and the gear is nowhere near that strong irl over ere' but its an awesome film! Fingers crossed we get a yes votefor independance and we can take advantage of the police swittch over, big orders!
Thanks for your support man i really appreciate it. Wherebouts you from? You doing good yeah?