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7 months after stopping, i'm still depressed.

C

champagnencocaine

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 17, 2017
Messages
17
I just don't know why it is but i'm pretty depressed after stopping speed 7 months ago, I just feel like all i'm doing with my life now is watching it go by, it's horrible.

Doctor won't do anything.

I take it this has less to do with drugs and more to do with my life situation, I just feel stuck badly.

I would eat more, but I don't wanna eat.
 
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It sounds like you could have post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS). It is something along the lines of that months after people stop, they still do not feel well. Please be careful, because for many it can cause a relapse. It sounds like exactly what you are saying. I would give it more time. For depression you could try a supplement called L-Tryptophan (check amazon or possibly a walmart). It has helped me with severe depression after MDMA abuse. Hope this helps, I have already prayed for you if it means anything.
 
Depression is a pretty common symptom of PAWs, but your life situation will also play a role, and IMO, a much bigger role. It isn't uncommon for someone to start taking drugs as a result of being unhappy or even depressed due to life circumstances. Taking away the drugs is only solving part of the problem that is rooted much deeper in our thoughts, feelings, behaviors and habits. The way we see the world affects how we interact with it, and how we interact with the world affects how we see it.

Sometimes you just have to force yourself to do what you know will make you happy and in time it will come. Happiness can take a lot of effort, a lot more than swallowing a pill or snorting a line.

Physical activity is a good why to build your appetite as well as many other positive things, like help stimulate "good feeling" neurotransmitters.

There is no simple solution, ime, but every little bit helps. What drugs were you using and for how long? Have you ever had any therapy or counseling?
 
Yeah exercise. Dont focus on the bullshit man. I've struggled with stimulants myself along with many members of my family. Exercise is my secret, even if you're running around like a floppy depressed jackass at first :/ hahaha
 
I don't know what your life situation is but when I quit meth the biggest help to my recovery was spending as much time with my friends as possible and purposely trying to get back to the things I enjoyed most, which in my case was music and football (soccer).
The exercise was a high itself....a very much healthier one.
 
I just feel like a bit of a cunt - someone's that abused drugs and damaged their dopamine receptors but this could just be depression.

There's a reason why people do not like addicts, is because they become like this after abusing drugs, like all edgy and negative, I hate it, really not the person I am. I still feel pretty achey and edgy, not nice (like the opposite of a body high). Really it's the opposite of my personality before starting this.
 
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Hey now, you are doing great. 7 months is awesome. When you were using you would never imagined that you could do this so take that as major accomplishment. Im at 8 months and just went through this type of thinking. The easiest way to change your negative thoughts is to change your focus. It sounds goofy but it works for the past and the future. This will give you time to enjoy the present moment. We spend more time thinking about the negative shit we have done and its not productive. Focus on the present, I have been using meditation as a way to remove myself from those thoughts, its guided on line easy access. I really feel you, life is what you make it. As others said exercise. I have to say that it has been the most important part of my recovery. I look forward to it and the results have been both emotional and physical. Just take your time and own your accomplishment, it’s huge.
 
As the above poster said, there are some things you can do. First of all, exercise. Everyone harps on it, and it's because it's really, really important. It does 3 things for you. First, it releases endorphins, which are the body's natural opiates. Endorphins help you feel better. If you start doing even 20 minutes of cardio a day, you'll notice the difference in how stable your emotions and thoughts start to get compared to now. Secondly, exercise will get you in shape, which makes everything about your body physically feel better. I used to be way out of shape when I was on opiates, and right afterwards I started working out with a lot of dedication. Within a month I had worked up some core muscles, and stood straighter, and I can't even describe to you how much better it has made everything in my life feel, it sounds silly but being strong and in shape physically feels SO much better. Lastly, if you're in shape, you feel better about yourself and more confident. Exercise truly is so important, if you're not doing it regularly, do it, you'll feel much better before you know it. It's hard at first but in a couple of weeks you'll like it. Join a gym, or the Y or something. Or if nothing else, run or bike every day and do pushups, etc. Look up exercises you can do to build strength, especially core strength, at home, if you can't or don't want to join a gym.

That should be the first step because it will help everything else. Besides that, you have to change your mindset. If you're sitting around not doing things that make you happy and thinking about how you're a "cunt" damaged drug abuser, you're going to feel like shit. Try to identify things in your life that make you stressed or unhappy, and try to remove or change those things if possible. Also think about what you like to do, what would make you feel good to do, and start doing those things. For me it was music. I had stopped playing music for 12 years, most of which I was addicted to opiates. I felt like that ship had sailed, and it had been so long I didn't even realize that it was a big hole in my life. After I got off opiates, I started playing music again and now it's the thing I focus on the most in life, it has given me so much joy and satisfaction.
 
Hey man , congrats on quitting it takes a lot of heart. I would recommend trying to find a doctor that works better with you and specialises or at least understands addiction. That, with a counsellor you can talk to and feel comfortable with, is a great step forward. Then you have two people on your team during this . Exercise, eat well and maintain your sleep and that will help everything so much more than sticking with the same GP who doesn't understand and trying to push on alone.
 
Keep going. It takes 2 years to recover from significant loss. The death of a loved one, divorce, serious injury...all kinds of traumatic life events. For most people it takes 2 years before their lives become "normalized" again.
Is there any reason to think your recovery will be any different? If you thought everything will be ok after 7 months (or whatever), no doubt you feel disappointed.
I think a more realistic expectation would be to look back in 2 years time and think to yourself...wow...that was a dark episode in my life...things have improved so much now...
Time passes. time will pass. It's the oldest trick in the book.
Keep going. You will be alright. In due time.
Best wishes.
Sincerely.
 
Derschieber said:
Keep going. It takes 2 years to recover from significant loss. The death of a loved one, divorce, serious injury...all kinds of traumatic life events. For most people it takes 2 years before their lives become "normalized" again.
Is there any reason to think your recovery will be any different? If you thought everything will be ok after 7 months (or whatever), no doubt you feel disappointed.
I think a more realistic expectation would be to look back in 2 years time and think to yourself...wow...that was a dark episode in my life...things have improved so much now...
Time passes. time will pass. It's the oldest trick in the book.
Keep going. You will be alright. In due time.
Best wishes.
Sincerely.
Click to expand...

That is a really good point. Recovery involves the loss of something that has been a huge part of your life.
 
I am at almost 8 months off opiates and still struggling with benzos but anyway my life is a total mess and I thought it would improve when I stopped with the dope. It did for a while, I was happy to not be waking up so deathly ill and feeling that way a lot of the time. Then reality set in and I realized I pretty much ruined my life. Been fucked up ever since. I would say at this point that I don't really care anymore. Losing touch with reality I want it to end. I had my fun I guess but when. When is anything actually going to change. I'm not just sitting around all the tie either but I do go through phases of that.

I regret ever getting into drugs like this at all. Wish I was a coffee fiend and smoked a little grass and left it at that.
 
^Wrll whats done is done, you cant change the past no matter what you do, we tend to subtly put ourselves down over the abuse we've done to ourselves and how it's affected the outcome of our life. Could've had that perfect job I used to dream about but now outta reach, coulda been married by now coulda been financially solvent by now etc etc. But all we can really do is accept that we did in fact fuck up our lives at one point in the past, forgive ourselves for it and leave it in the past and focus on taking the next step whether it a trade, a new hobby, and just taking things slow..

I was a major piece of shit in my tweaking days... Shoplifting as a hobby, feeling entitled to trash talking people I thought I had a problem with instead of cutting them out of my life, hustling people all day to pinch some out of their bag when I get it for them... Extreme extroversion, shooting meth and walking the streets all night, chilling and skeezy tweaker pads the whole shebang. I literally thought I was done for and there was no way out. I went to jail and even tried to end myself a few times. My reasoning was this is how I am and I'm a piece of shit so the more meth I do and the quicker I peace tf out of life the better. But it wasn't true, 6 months after stopping I got some semblance of myself back, and now about a year after I'm getting back in the swing of things.

What I'm trying to say is give it more time. There's always gonna be rough days at work where the exhaustion wears you down quicker than your co-workers who never abused meth. There's gonna be times where you get 3 hours of sleep and wake up with coffee and feel like you're on a shit comedown all day just because you didn't get enough sleep. The idea is you recognize that that's part of recovery, you accept that it's happening and you acknowledge that you can either A) keep trying or B) give up. Once you choose B enough times it stops being an option and you see that once you have enough sobriety.

When the cravings hit it can get so, so rough though. So rough. It's like it brings back comedown symptoms for the next few days after a strong craving/drug dream.
 
I don't really think it is the drugs. I was always depressed and now I am again.

I'm a dead man walking with my benzo habit though. And I am broke now so I'm waiting to run out so I can jump off a cliff (I'm dead serious). I get cravings to shoot up especially after getting bloodwork done but don't really care anymore. I'd rather look for peace elsewhere. If I could pay for my benzo habit enough to do a taper with val I'd stick around but I've fried myself at this point to the point of no return. I've been meditating on death for weeks. I can't quit the shit due to extremely intense daily panic attacks so I may as well move on from this broken body. The dope did me in. Abuse benzos when I'm off it and stop being able to function. I was a function heroin user and worked good jobs I have nothing now. I'm a joke. I'm nothing without a line up my nose. Took a long time to catch up with me but when it did... once it did I've been burning on the stake. I need money for the drugs and I can't get it and I can't find work and I'm so done and it's been building up for a decade and I'm so done it's not even funny I'll be dead in a week.

I can't wait to die. I had my fun and pretty surprised I made it to this relatively young age anyway. Wish I had the money to do myself in with a shot though as I have a fear of heights.
 
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champagnencocaine said:
I just feel like a bit of a cunt - someone's that abused drugs and damaged their dopamine receptors but this could just be depression.

There's a reason why people do not like addicts, is because they become like this after abusing drugs, like all edgy and negative, I hate it, really not the person I am. I still feel pretty achey and edgy, not nice (like the opposite of a body high). Really it's the opposite of my personality before starting this.
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People who don't abuse drugs can get like that too. I think it is a reflection of a generally negative thought process. People who use harsh criticisms toward others generally use it on themselves as well. People generally don't like being around negativity because it is sort of contagious. Just being around someone who is combative and harping on the world can stir up combative thoughts in others. We are all responsible for our own happiness, and sometimes this just means not being around negative people because it breeds unhappiness.

Depression is a difficult thing to deal with because a lot of the symptoms feed into it. Things like a bad mood make it hard to be around people, which leads to isolation and ultimately greater depression. Something I have been struggling to accept and live by is that I don't need to be a good or great mood always, and that I don't need to act out my bad moods. There isn't always a logical reason for my emotions in the current situation... meaning things like stress may put me in a tense or bad mood that may not match what is presently happening. For instance, I can be very irritable when I am in a bad mood and that is not the fault of anyone else. A technique called emotional grounding can help.

Give it more time.. in the bigger picture 6-12 months isn't very long at all. As you continue to heal and progress in your recovery, your old personality will start to return. I've noticed certain social interactions really spark a part of me I thought was gone, and for a brief time it feels like I have complete function again. It's these windows of hope that let me know that although I may always have the disease of addiction, I do not have to let it control my life forever.
 
Just wanted to say hi to you Shroomi.. it has been a while although I've sort of been following your story... congrats to you on all you have accomplished!! It may appear as though lyou're in a bit of a rut.. but just as you have in the past - I truly believe you will overcome this!! You seem like such a bright fella and have a lot going for you; so much to offer.. you can beat this benzo thing!. just like youve beaten other, very difficult things in the past!! This fellow Canadian believes in you!! ???..
Try to take care of yourself!!
 
Hi NorthernGirl you are too kind to write that and I agree with you. I've already started my taper, and if I quit H and oxy's there is no reason I can't do this too. I am resilient I got this. There is a point of no return and I am ready to come back. One of the worst parts of withdrawal is losing my intellect but I will get everything back and more. It won't even take that long. The days are flying by and nothing is changing why not get it over with?
It's the logical next step, and then I will be a pothead and almost have drugs out of my life. I can get the benzos under control at a low dose so I'm working with a doctor and not at risk. Depends on how well I'm going to be able to deal with the panic attacks but it was surprising how much my back pain has improved.
This is encouraging to hear. I believe I can do it as well. I wouldn't expect to be stable when I am approaching 8 months from opiates alone and have to give myself a little time (but not too much).

I'm trying not to lose too much weight, nutrients, or get too dehydrated. It's hard to keep physically active in withdrawal but one of the most important things to feel good.
 
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