6 Days Clean!

[6 Days]

Hey everyone! I have been stalking these forums for a couple of years now and finally realized I need to maybe write something down to hold myself somewhat accountable.

I am into my 6th day without opiates. I had gotten up to 120-140 mg of either Roxis, Oxycodone, or hydros and I've honestly been taking them for about 6 years. I love the way the pills make me so much more energetic and basically like a super mom/employee but have always purchased illegally until all of a sudden it just hit me that I could be taking my son on vacations and spending more time enjoying life with him vs. constantly freaking out about running low.

No one in my life knows about this. No one. I have managed to hold onto an amazing career, be a great mom and wife, a good friend and sister.

What scares me more than anything is the lack of energy and my mind is so restless ALL THE TIME.

I have been taking Lopermide, L-Tyrosine, B6, a good Multi-Vitamin, Benadryl to sleep and I haven't missed a day at a full time, really tough job or missed a beat being a full time mom. I will say we've had a few more cuddly days than let's go on an adventure type days but I am doing my best to get through this without failing..again. I was 6 weeks clean earlier this year and my "friend" aka dealer stayed in contact to "check up on me"/offer me pills to get me through a tough day at the office and I took them up on it and spiraled back to more than ever a day.

Someone, anyone, please respond and let me know someone is in my shoes right now.

 

[6 Days]

*Edit to say* I know I'm clearly not a great mom, wife and friend if I've been lying to loved ones for years..I just realized I probably sounded like I'm obsessed with myself- not the case. I was just very good at hiding things.

 

[simco]

*Edit to say* I know I'm clearly not a great mom, wife and friend if I've been lying to loved ones for years..I just realized I probably sounded like I'm obsessed with myself- not the case. I was just very good at hiding things.

Please don't criticize yourself...you're doing a great thing by quitting. And addiction makes us feel bad enough about ourselves as it is. Seriously, it sounds like you're doing amazing.

While I can't say I'm going through what you're facing right now, I certainly did a few months ago. And I remember very clearly how hard it is. All of us around these parts do

I'm so glad you decided to say hello. So glad you're here. Please let us know if you have any questions.

 

[6 Days]

Please don't criticize yourself...you're doing a great thing by quitting. And addiction makes us feel bad enough about ourselves as it is. Seriously, it sounds like you're doing amazing.

While I can't say I'm going through what you're facing right now, I certainly did a few months ago. And I remember very clearly how hard it is. All of us around these parts do

I'm so glad you decided to say hello. So glad you're here. Please let us know if you have any questions.

Thank you SO much for the response! That made me almost giddy! I am so excited to be at this point in my life and I'm doing my very best to stay here this time.

 

[somnilicious]

Welcome 6 days.. I'm on day 16 myself but have had substantial clean time in the past. Hang in there. You are doing great and sound really tough.

 

[6 Days]

Welcome 6 days.. I'm on day 16 myself but have had substantial clean time in the past. Hang in there. You are doing great and sound really tough.

I can't wait to be at 16 Days, congratulations to you!! Thank you for the response, it's literally feeding my fire right now. I don't know why I didn't think to post here before. I have researched this forum trying to prepare myself for a really long time.

How is your energy level? I just went outside and played softball with my son and whew it kicked my butt but I made it through a few rounds I'm trying to stay super busy but I do crash semi often.

 

[somnilicious]

I visited the site for 10yrs before I ever signed up. My energy levels are actually pretty good at the moment but I am a prisoner in my home because of hurricane Irma and I will probably be losing power for a couple of days I know exactly what you mean by the comments feeding the fire. Sometimes it just helps to know your not alone.

 

[6 Days]

I visited the site for 10yrs before I ever signed up. My energy levels are actually pretty good at the moment but I am a prisoner in my home because of hurricane Irma and I will probably be losing power for a couple of days I know exactly what you mean by the comments feeding the fire. Sometimes it just helps to know your not alone.

Oh wow, I'm sorry to hear that! I hope everything passes with minimal harm to your community. My best friend lives in Orlando, we've been so concerned about her.

 

[Thinkwithportals]

You have a good mindset about this! Something someone told me really helped me in the beginning of my withdrawals was; "now isn't the time for serious introspection." (I don't know if that's exact, but you get it) be forgiving of yourself and positive over the fact that you are making this change. I am 28 days clean from Kratom (and intermittent oxy use). I still am having off days but push through, it is tough, but worth it. I am learning a lot about myself through the process and embracig it, as should you! You're doing great, keep us posted

 

[Kittycat5]

Im 11 days off heroin so we are pretty close. I also was an oxy addict for years and years but beat that about a year ago (I did take oxy once a few weeks ago but had a bunch of dope in my system already). Respect for getting through work and mom duties on basically a cold turkey kick. The light at the proverbial end of the tunnel is close my dear.

 

[6 Days]

You have a good mindset about this! Something someone told me really helped me in the beginning of my withdrawals was; "now isn't the time for serious introspection." (I don't know if that's exact, but you get it) be forgiving of yourself and positive over the fact that you are making this change. I am 28 days clean from Kratom (and intermittent oxy use). I still am having off days but push through, it is tough, but worth it. I am learning a lot about myself through the process and embracig it, as should you! You're doing great, keep us posted

Thank you for the nice response! I woke up this morning really lagging but I'm hoping that it works its way out of my system early this morning. I've been avoiding caffeine but made a cup of coffee to try to combat that!

Congrats on 28 days! Tuesday at 1 pm is 7 days for me and I am praying that it's uphill from here. I am not very familiar with Kratom, only from reading on this site, but I've learned that's a bear to deal with all its own!

 

[6 Days]

Im 11 days off heroin so we are pretty close. I also was an oxy addict for years and years but beat that about a year ago (I did take oxy once a few weeks ago but had a bunch of dope in my system already). Respect for getting through work and mom duties on basically a cold turkey kick. The light at the proverbial end of the tunnel is close my dear.

Thank you!! Congrats on 11 days to you! I hope that it stays this good for the both of us. the cold turkey at work wasn't as bad as I thought, I think positivity has helped some but it wasn't the easiest thing at times. It did help keep me distracted from the annoying withdrawal symptoms though so that's helped. I think it I would have taken off work, I would have seriously stayed home and wallowed in my pity. Just the kind of person I am I stay busy to stay away from bad thoughts. I even cleaned one of our rental houses this weekend to get it ready for a new tenant.

 

[panhead61]

Congrats on 7 days now! I know 100% where you are coming from. My situation, been steady on them for about a year. 6 months straight or close. Like you, no one else knows. And to think I've held my job, a very successful career, beautiful house, wife, no kids but a couple dogs! (Not saying that relates to kids lol) I never lacked for funds to keep my stash up! I myself have been clean for 8 days, suprisingly enough I felt a lot better today compared to yesterday!

And where I also read about you criticizing yourself on being a mother.

It's easy to get down on ourselves, contemplate our mistakes we have made, how great or small they might be. I know it may be hard but think of what you have done, instead of using more you thought about your sun and vacations and used that to get through 7 days of pain, and you did that with good intentions for you and your son, i have seen a lot of people walk out of their children's life, walk out of their careers, homes exc. choosing to use. Like me think about the good things you have done, or even the bad. And use it as drive to be a better person and do more good deeds. Me personally I use my wife. I want to be the best I can be!

Speech aside CONGRATS it's no small thing

 

[6 Days]

Congrats on 7 days now! I know 100% where you are coming from. My situation, been steady on them for about a year. 6 months straight or close. Like you, no one else knows. And to think I've held my job, a very successful career, beautiful house, wife, no kids but a couple dogs! (Not saying that relates to kids lol) I never lacked for funds to keep my stash up! I myself have been clean for 8 days, suprisingly enough I felt a lot better today compared to yesterday!

And where I also read about you criticizing yourself on being a mother.

It's easy to get down on ourselves, contemplate our mistakes we have made, how great or small they might be. I know it may be hard but think of what you have done, instead of using more you thought about your sun and vacations and used that to get through 7 days of pain, and you did that with good intentions for you and your son, i have seen a lot of people walk out of their children's life, walk out of their careers, homes exc. choosing to use. Like me think about the good things you have done, or even the bad. And use it as drive to be a better person and do more good deeds. Me personally I use my wife. I want to be the best I can be!

Speech aside CONGRATS it's no small thing

Oh wow you guys, I am an emotional roller coaster right now. I have been crying at my desk in my office for half of the morning. Still trying to be optimistic but ugh I hate this! I hate feeling. It's so much easier to be a machine at the office and now I'm an emotional wreck all of a sudden.

 

[KraziKat]

I know the feeling. The crying, the roller-coaster. It led me to relapse, and now I am back... Day 3 no pills, but using kratom and stims. Also have two kids that I must be un-sick for.

 

[6 Days]

I know the feeling. The crying, the roller-coaster. It led me to relapse, and now I am back... Day 3 no pills, but using kratom and stims. Also have two kids that I must be un-sick for.

Well you can push though this time! How old are your children? Mine is 6 and he has trouble understanding that sometimes I cannot go at 100% like he does and I was able to talk him into cuddling and watching movies for the two really bad days I had last week. 1. I was able to relax and 2. It felt so damn good to just sit and feel how much I love him. Congratulations on day 3!!! Please reach out if you need to chat, I will happily respond.

 

[KraziKat]

Thank you! My kids are 3 and 5, and I also work a stressful, full-time job -- which at the moment I am finding it extremely hard to get things done. I have so much on my plate and I'm just not doing much of anything... I'm on BL, here and now, when there are gazillion work-relates things to be done.

My wife knows of my struggle, but only to an extent. I got some great relief from smoking some weed, and she actually gave me a hard time about it, saying, "So this is going to be everyday" or to that effect.

I tried to explain, "A tiny hit of pot suppresses my desire to drink hard liquor and take opiates."

Theses are some trying times. Your success inspires me.

 

[6 Days]

Thank you! My kids are 3 and 5, and I also work a stressful, full-time job -- which at the moment I am finding it extremely hard to get things done. I have so much on my plate and I'm just not doing much of anything... I'm on BL, here and now, when there are gazillion work-relates things to be done.

My wife knows of my struggle, but only to an extent. I got some great relief from smoking some weed, and she actually gave me a hard time about it, saying, "So this is going to be everyday" or to that effect.

I tried to explain, "A tiny hit of pot suppresses my desire to drink hard liquor and take opiates."

Theses are some trying times. Your success inspires me.

Well that made me feel great, thank you! I am trying so hard to stay my chipper little self that I'm probably driving everyone around me crazy right now! Ha, so I booked a trip for next year with a travel agency over the weekend in a strict pay plan and if I start spending money now that I'm not supposed to, I'm held accountable with my kiddo because I made the decision to tell him. So now I know I'm not going to fail because I have never let this affect him and I sure as hell won't start now!

I definitely picked up something to smoke myself in the evenings and wow the improvement it made! I'm sorry she doesn't understand but I feel like there's such a stereotype with substances (no matter what they are) and sometimes people just don't get it.

My husband has no earthly idea what I'm going through. It makes me feel awful to keep it from him but I keep thinking that I've come through unscathed thus far, why rock the boat?

 

[6 Days]

Well after crying half of the day hidden in my office, I had a highly productive day conducted mainly through email and texts. The sound of a human voice would send me into tears all over again. I have since done homework with my child, cooked dinner, bathed him and tucked him away to bed. I then went outside, smoked a bowl overlooking our lake and I'm now laughing at how silly I was crying all day. It was a great day! I do have some aches in my legs and back but I took some ibuprofen and I'm going to watch Ozark until I fall asleep

Now tell me, how long does the RLS and the extreme sensitivity last? I'm kind of used to being this slightly cold hearted person at work and I think I'm going to miss that me.

 

[6 Days]

Congrats on 7 days now! I know 100% where you are coming from. My situation, been steady on them for about a year. 6 months straight or close. Like you, no one else knows. And to think I've held my job, a very successful career, beautiful house, wife, no kids but a couple dogs! (Not saying that relates to kids lol) I never lacked for funds to keep my stash up! I myself have been clean for 8 days, suprisingly enough I felt a lot better today compared to yesterday!

And where I also read about you criticizing yourself on being a mother.

It's easy to get down on ourselves, contemplate our mistakes we have made, how great or small they might be. I know it may be hard but think of what you have done, instead of using more you thought about your sun and vacations and used that to get through 7 days of pain, and you did that with good intentions for you and your son, i have seen a lot of people walk out of their children's life, walk out of their careers, homes exc. choosing to use. Like me think about the good things you have done, or even the bad. And use it as drive to be a better person and do more good deeds. Me personally I use my wife. I want to be the best I can be!

Speech aside CONGRATS it's no small thing

panhead- I'm not sure where my response went earlier but yay for 8 days!!! And of course dogs count as children! I don't know what I would have done without my crazy jerk of a dog the past week.

I am so thankful that I have managed to control myself enough to not lose my family, home, career. It hurts my heart for those who aren't able to push through and for some, odds are just stacked against them to succeed. I'm thankful that I was able to go buy the ingredients of the Thomas Recipe. I'm so thankful for a loving family, though no one knows what's going on, I still have everyone to chat with daily to distract myself. I have my laptop and smart phone to lay in bed while my family is asleep to quietly make a game plan of how I can better myself for them. So even though I have had some really crappy days the past week, I am still thankful for everything I have and I will do everything in my power to get past this. You reminded me a lot of myself when you gave your "speech", so there's mine