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  • Trip Reports Moderator: Cheshire_Kat

5-MeO-DMT, First Time, I've decided to kill myself

H

herownwrite

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 10, 2005
Messages
234
I have tripped several times on mushrooms and acid, but have never tried any research chemicals or anything like that. My friends are all about it- most of them have taken 2CE and other such things multiple times.
Last night I was on 30 mg diazepam (about usual daily dose, not really feeling anything) and hanging out at my place with a friend of mine. All of the sudden she gets a phonecall from another girl we know, and this girl is calling from right outside my door, with a guy I've never met before. Not exactly perfect etiquette, but christ who the hell cares anymore...
Anyway, this fellow had some 5-MeO-DMT, which my friends have also tried and enjoyed. I figured I'd give it a go, after having read a little bit on it and heard so much about it, and as for worst consequence I thought, "Hey, it only lasts like 15 minutes anyway even if it does suck, and the Valium should keep it from sucking anyway."
Okay, let's cut to the last remembered scene- this guy is lighting the pipe for me, telling me to inhale and he'll tell me when to stop, and then i stop and i'm holding the smoke in till he tells me to let it go. I don't remember exhaling. Cut to next scene remembered: I'm on the floor beside my bed, and my hair seems to be very sticky. I immediately ask if I threw up- I didn't... it was much worse than that.
Apparently what happened to me (in the span of just about 15 minutes) is I sat up in bed and continuously screamed "Oh God!" until I "keeled over" and hit my head on the wall, and then lay on the floor loudly gasping for breath and screaming, or more like shrieking, as there weren't any words I was saying anymore. My friends said they sounded like painful screams. I was also dry-heaving, the only reason my hair was sticky was from bile or something. My apartment-mate also apparently came to the door and asked if someone was dying in my room, but they assured her it was okay.
But yeah- I wake up EXTREMELY confused, after a minute or so I recognize my friends and have them explain to me what happened, then I got in the shower to wash my hair out. I was so confused I couldn't remember why my one friend was there with this guy- I thought I had smoked salvia with my other friend!
So then this guy explains to me that the reason I flipped out was because my ego felt like it was dying. I've read about ego-death on this site before, and I never really understood it and I still don't now.
My friend's reaction to the hit, by the way, was a happy psychedelic wonderland. So this experience confirms the theory I've been forming in my head for a few years now- I AM NOT THE SAME AS NORMAL PEOPLE, I AM FUCKING CRAZY.
I am so depressed this morning, crying off and on and in general wigging out. I'm done with this and everything, I don't want to be a part of me anymore.
Please someone tell me if they ever had such an extreme reaction as this... not that it matters... oh God I'm done with it, I'm never tripping again assuming I do anything again.
 
Oh my sounds hellish. You've defintely put me off trying 5-meo-dmt now ive got half a gram and didnt dare myself to smoke it properly. I felt too much fear inside myself to what to expect ... put off now for sure!
 
Smoke some bud and take some supplements and just remeber all the side effects will be gone in a week if not a couple days
 
5-MeO-DMT is a rough one, there's no doubt about that.

You have to learn to let go ... my first time was god-awful and essentially put me off to all drugs for a year or two. I had nightmares about it for several weeks. But I realize that I had a bad time because I clung to my ego. It felt itself being torn apart and reacted with panic. The key, I think, is to understand that your ego will not exist and to let it go peacefully. It is only as nothing (without ego) can you see the absolute jaw-droppingly magnificent beauty of everything.

Take some time off but don't write 5-MeO off .. some day in the future someone will once again offer you the pipe - and if you're ready ... I suggest you take it.
 
metasyn said:
Take some time off but don't write 5-MeO off .. some day in the future someone will once again offer you the pipe - and if you're ready ... I suggest you take it.
Click to expand...

exactly
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it's not uncommon to be scared shitless of 5-meo-dmt, but don't let the fear own you.
 
I did some analysis of the reported side-effects, overall rating, etc. for several substances. From my data, about ¼ of people who try 5-MeO-DMT basically go though psychic, physical, and after-effect hell. Interestingly a like number also report no side-effects whatsoever. About ½ of folks are somewhere in between in their reports. I will go into that further below, but my main concern was the 2nd half of your header title… namely “I've decided to kill myself.”

Whatever you are thinking and whatever you experienced, choosing to end your life at this time would be a really poor decision. People have gone through some very similar grueling experiences before. Salvia, 5-MeO-DMT, & pretty much any moderate-high dose of any stronger psychedelic has the possibility of inducing a terrifying experience. Sometimes the after-effects linger on in the days & weeks afterward until fully processed. Choosing to make a serious decision about one’s life and existence should be best put-off untill one has effectively returned to psychological baseline and had a chance to process some of what happened.

Regarding future use or non-use of drugs, that is not something I can offer advice on. It is something that you will have to decide by your own lights and priorities. Some people report having an experience similar to yours and never using any psychoactive again, while others do come back and report ultimate positive effects once they are able to identify, confront, and work-through what ever fears/blockages/attachments are holding them mired in their present situation. In either case, the distance that time provides will offer some perspective for you. Just a few more specific comments and then some data at the bottom…


herownwrite said:
My friend's reaction to the hit, by the way, was a happy psychedelic wonderland. So this experience confirms the theory I've been forming in my head for a few years now- I AM NOT THE SAME AS NORMAL PEOPLE, I AM FUCKING CRAZY.
Click to expand...

Normal is a statistical data point not a mold everyone should fit perfectly in. Your friend’s reaction appears to be ‘normal’ for about 20-25% of people who try 5-MeO-DMT, just as your reaction also appears to be ‘normal’ for about the same % of people. What accounts for the differences experienced could be hard to say. But there is no reason to draw any general conclusions about your own normalcy, sanity, or general worth based on a single adverse reaction to a substance that people commonly report adverse reactions to.

herownwrite said:
I am so depressed this morning, crying off and on and in general wigging out. I'm done with this and everything, I don't want to be a part of me anymore.
Please someone tell me if they ever had such an extreme reaction as this... not that it matters... oh God I'm done with it, I'm never tripping again assuming I do anything again.
Click to expand...

Mood changes can be common after the ingestion of any psychedelic, especially if one has an intense experience. If one has a positive intense experience, one can easily experience an ‘afterglow’ or high on life feeling for days afterward or longer. A similar ‘funk’ can follow a difficult psychedelic experience and/or one where one is not able to fully integrate/assimilate the experience. The mood changes can be easier to handle if you recognize them for what they are and try not to get swept up in them. I wish I had seen this thread a day or two ago and been able to post then as likely the first 24-48 hours would have been the most disconcerting for you. Hopefully as you read this, your emotions (while probably still ‘off’) are settling down closer to your baseline.


Ok that boring data I promised:

There are 205+ experience reports at Erowid. 35 (17%) of them are billed as “Mystical Experiences” and 52 (25%) of them are billed as “Difficult Experiences.”

They can be found here: http://www.erowid.org/experiences/subs/exp_5-MeO-DMT.shtml

Some report 5-MeO-DMT is their absolute favorite compound while others would just as soon toss it in the rubbish bin.
A review of a small n sample that was conducted here on BL revealed the following reports regarding side-effects:
5-MeO-DMT: 12 Reports. 33% reported GI disturbance &/or Nausea; 25% reported Stimulation (Uncomfortable &/or Unwanted); 25% reported Delirium, Confusion, &/or Disassociation; 17% related each of the following: Headache (Sometimes &/or Mild); After Effects Prolonged (1 week+ &/or Severe after effects); & Sweating. 25% related No significant Side Effects.
The entire side-effect post can be found here: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=3473888&postcount=114

Last but certainly not least, please feel free to PM me here if you need to talk or vent or just ask a question…

I B
 
I have used 5-MeO-DMT three times now (once insufflated, and twice smoked). It is by far one of my favorite psychedelics, if you can even call it a psychedelic. It is so much more than that. I have never had any negative side effects from it at all. In fact, the next day, I couldn't tell that I had taken anything. However, there is always an aspect of fear that comes with the experience. It is very intense and ego shattering, so naturally there is going to be some degree of fear. Some experience it more than others.
 
You have had a very bad experience but do not dispair. You need to keep telling yourself that what happened to you was caused by a drug and that the negative effects of the drug and experience will fade in a couple of days, that you will be ok and will be able to have a happy and fullfilling life.

You will be ok. Talk to a friend about what you are going through, that should help.
 
Thanks for all the responses, you guys.
Especially illuminati boy- that really made me feel better about the whole thing, to know that people have had the same reaction to it that I've had.
As for measuring doses I really don't think I will ever try this again. I've tripped enough times on other things too by now that I think I've gotten everything positive that I'm going to get, and so psychedelics are not my drug. I have never had any deep spiritual revelations that other people report experiencing, but maybe it's because I was never looking for any.
It doesn't matter, from now on I'm sticking with my basics, the stuff that I know and enjoy the effects of. There's too much room for error in psychedelics.
 
I must say one thing for you: At least you recognize your limit or what you perceive as your limit. Better to quit while youre ahead then go off the deep end.
While on the subject of 5-MeO-DMT however I would like to add that low end doses are really fun as well. Ego remains intact and for 10-30 minutes you have some fantastic visuals and thought processes. I would describe it as enchanting. At the low end of the spectrum its very fun totally unfearful/nerve wracking. Just a happy little psychedelic jolt. Great for when you dont have the time for a long trip on a different substance and you just want something quick to ease your mind.
Just make sure you can measure well. It can be hard finding the low end of the spectrum for some people. 3mg can be full on for some 20mg for others and everything in between to boot.
 
Terrible... that guy is irresponsible and is the reason i wish drugs THIS strong werent able to get out and be available to people like that... When I have let my good friends try 5meodmt (RARE) i make SURE i know theyre ready... i tell them the exact dose im giving them.. and i weigh it many times on my scale.

I hope youre feeling better as of this time though :)
 
definately sounds like a mis-weighed dose to me as i had very similar happen to me in the early days of my research.i had got used to putting the tiniest amount i could still see on some foil and then vapourising it.it always makes me heave,not always physically sick(24 hr fasting sorts that one out)but always nauseous.one time i dosed myself by candlelight,i had a bag ready in case i was sick,but it was so powerfull it blew a hole straight through the bag and all over my friends houseboat.i didnt know what had happened,everything was covered in what looked like my insides(id also been drinking red wine)and i was absolutely terrified that part of my soul had been ripped out from me and swallowed up by a black hole to another dimension.it realy did scare the shit out of me and for a few moments i thought that was it.it was a very valuable lesson that i count myself lucky to have experienced at that particular time and with that particular chemical.had i of carried on with that cavalier attitude of eyeballing weights,i could have done myself some serious damage with the longer lasting research chemicals,imagine 24 hours of it,rather than 2 minutes,scary!hope your feeling more positive today.
 
1. You just took much, and were on valium, who knows what that does.
2. This kind of stuff has happened before to many people. If you don't believe it, read trip reports.
 
yes you just had too big of a hit. take a smaller hit next time. they make a HUGE difference
 
illuminati boy said:
Ok that boring data I promised:

There are 205+ experience reports at Erowid. 35 (17%) of them are billed as “Mystical Experiences” and 52 (25%) of them are billed as “Difficult Experiences.”

They can be found here: http://www.erowid.org/experiences/subs/exp_5-MeO-DMT.shtml
Click to expand...
id just like to point out that .. although im sure you have appreciated this already illuminati boy .. that the weighting of reports at erowid for good vs difficult cant really be used as a trusted determinant of numbers experiencing good or difficult times with the drug as there may well be bias on the part of those that have decided to submit a report there ..

eg .. as an example .. people might be more inclined to write up a glowing experience then put into words as a difficult and troubling experience ..
 
Heya man...
Don't worry your about as normal as you can get. Everyone goes through hell, but atleast once you get through it... You will be much stronger for it.

Anyway, on a harm reduction note!

PLEASE PEOPLE, START ON A LOW DOSE OF AN COMPOUND YOU HAVE NOT EXPLORED BEFORE! :)
 
It could've been much worse, at first I thought you freaked out, slammed your head into something and had a head wound, hence the sticking thing in your hair.
With this compound it would be smart to work your way up with the doses I think ;)
 
I'll add my vote to the 'took too much' camp. 5-methoxy-DMT is active at fairly low doses, and while it's normal to space out, 'flipping out' like that definately implies an overdose.

Use a scale and procede with caution.
 
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