5 days off bupe. Advice?

[LifeWorthLiving]

So this is my first post, but been coming here sporadically for years.
I'll start with a short intro I think.
I'm 29 male American, I have a 1 year old daughter,full time job and a history of addiction since I was 15.

My only vice right now is prescribed bupe. Which I am getting off of. I had a schedule all made out which I messed up on last week and the end of the week before. Which I realize makes me seem pretty weak since I only made it 1 day going without and totally screwed up my taper schedule.

My last dose was last Wednesday. 4mg iv. I know stupid. But I know its a problem and I've gotten rid of my means to do it that way. My habit has been pretty much 2 to 4mg iv a day everyday for the past 4 years.

I've got my appointment coming up very soon, which I'm not sure if they will call me in for a test to see if im actually totally off it or not. Im thinkng its very likely. If I don't do any I should test clean for it.

I very strongly believe I have the will to do this but I had a weak point last night, I went out to see if maybe the trash didn't get pickes up or maybe the beer can I stuck my
Tools may have stuck to my trash can. I know if that can woulda been there I woulda retrieved them and done another dose. As I didn't find them I settled for a set of frustrated push ups and a shot of vodka.

I guess im just looking for some positive words from some one that has succeeded in doing what im trying to do. If I understand correctly I may have screwed myself a bit by jumping from 4mg to 0 but my provider didn't really give me any guidance. Also maybe some suggestions on what will help me in the coming days with WDs and possibly other weak points to come.

I have at my disposal a bunch of gabapentin (which I normally don't take), clonazepam (I use as needed 1 to 2 mg, more recently though), vyvanse (I take every week day). Is there anything I should ask my doc for to help me?

My main issues so far are the cravings,No Energy!,body aches, anxiety. Im feeling good this morning but i been sleeping in way to late and im afraid i won't make work on time or be able to perform much if im sick.

 

[G_Chem]

I did pretty much exactly as you did at exactly the same time along in my buprenorphine using career. 4yrs in i too tried jumping off at 4mg, it was pure hell. I’m not trying to scare you cuz some make it off at that dose but for most that’s a pretty high amount to CT. I made it 12 days I think where it felt the withdrawal hadn’t even peaked yet.

You need to find a doctor that will taper you properly and you need to use sublingually. Right now your jumping off a high dose and still have a needle fixation, the likelihood of relapse and possibly dying due to all the fent is high.

I’m currently at 1mg and even that feels like a lot on days I don’t have it. I’m trying to get down to .25mg or less before making the leap. There are doctors out there willing to slowly taper you down.

There’s other routes too but again be careful man, I worry with the IV use being a real thing that it’ll push you to shoot something else just to appease that need. It took me awhile but eventually you do lose that want to IV. I’d focus on getting that under control first before going off buprenorphine completely but that’s just me.

-GC

 

[Stassi202]

So this is my first post, but been coming here sporadically for years.
I'll start with a short intro I think.
I'm 29 male American, I have a 1 year old daughter,full time job and a history of addiction since I was 15.

My only vice right now is prescribed bupe. Which I am getting off of. I had a schedule all made out which I messed up on last week and the end of the week before. Which I realize makes me seem pretty weak since I only made it 1 day going without and totally screwed up my taper schedule.

My last dose was last Wednesday. 4mg iv. I know stupid. But I know its a problem and I've gotten rid of my means to do it that way. My habit has been pretty much 2 to 4mg iv a day everyday for the past 4 years.

I've got my appointment coming up very soon, which I'm not sure if they will call me in for a test to see if im actually totally off it or not. Im thinkng its very likely. If I don't do any I should test clean for it.

I very strongly believe I have the will to do this but I had a weak point last night, I went out to see if maybe the trash didn't get pickes up or maybe the beer can I stuck my
Tools may have stuck to my trash can. I know if that can woulda been there I woulda retrieved them and done another dose. As I didn't find them I settled for a set of frustrated push ups and a shot of vodka.

I guess im just looking for some positive words from some one that has succeeded in doing what im trying to do. If I understand correctly I may have screwed myself a bit by jumping from 4mg to 0 but my provider didn't really give me any guidance. Also maybe some suggestions on what will help me in the coming days with WDs and possibly other weak points to come.

I have at my disposal a bunch of gabapentin (which I normally don't take), clonazepam (I use as needed 1 to 2 mg, more recently though), vyvanse (I take every week day). Is there anything I should ask my doc for to help me?

My main issues so far are the cravings,No Energy!,body aches, anxiety. Im feeling good this morning but i been sleeping in way to late and im afraid i won't make work on time or be able to perform much if im sick.

First off, you are being WAY to hard on yourself. Take it easy, this whole process is going to take time. I understand what you’re going through, i will not say i know exactly how you feel, bc i am not you. Also, I am prescribed bup and have been taking it strictly as prescribed since August 2018, after getting out of rehab for the 35th (yes, you read that correctly) time, overdosing (3rd time in 6 months) in front of my parents while my father kept me breathing until help arrived. Before all that, I was addicted to sniffing heroin for about 15 years. I know that withdrawing from bup is HORRIBLE, I have watched many people go thru it and my heart literally goes out to you. That being said, try to slow down. I’ve seen people take 2-3 months to completely come off of bup, and methadone as well. I was in a methadone clinic for 3 years, purposely never went above 160 mg because I knew I needed to taper off of it one day. Going to that clinic every day at 6 am, waiting in long lines, watching people nod out all over the place was hell...oh, and I got kicked out once too. Hell. Pure hell and never again.
I’m not promoting other drugs, but if you have access to some low dose Xanax or Ambien, that would help a lot. BUT...BE CAREFUL WITH BENZOS. Mixing any opioid with any benzo can be extremely dangerous, even deadly.
So, like I said, I personally do not have experience with tapering off of bup, but I did taper down to zero with methadone and surprisingly it wasn’t very hard, maybe bc it was supervised. Honestly, it wasn’t long before I was doing heroin again, which is why I have absolutely no intention of getting off of bup anytime soon, maybe never. If I do, I’ll be dead for sure. My cravings are seriously out of control, and the biggest thing bup does for me is kill the cravings. It does not get me high; if I take too much I throw up. I have NO desire to do any opiate at all, and that’s one of the best things to ever happen to me as far as I’m concerned. The shit I did to fund my heroin addiction was fucked up, for lack of a better description.
Sorry for writing you a book here, I hope you read this and if you get anything from what I’ve written, I hope I’ve helped you learn that you will get thru this, that you’re not weak by any means if you relapse and I hope you are able to slow down and accept that kicking is not going to happen overnight...if you ever want to chat, I’m around

 

[cowboycurtis]

I too came off this exact dose, although I had been on it for months, not years. 48-72 hours went by after my last dose and I thought I was fine, but the next day it all hit me. It was relatively mild, but it just would not go away. The meds you have might get you through it, but if you can get more bupe I would recommend at least working your way down to 1 mg. I've heard lots of conflicting evidence, but I believe even though 2 mg is the smallest manufactured dose it is really more of a mid-point in a proper taper.

As for the shooting, you might wanna stop that too. It's extremely dangerous to IV bupe and it's only gonna reinforce that needle fixation. Like @G_Chem said, it does go away, but you gotta stop doing it. Knowing there's no rush has stopped me from IVing any bupe or methadone, but I understand that fascination and I've certainly shot up water just to relieve that sensation. Time heals all things.

 

[LifeWorthLiving]

Thanks I read all 3 of yalls post.
First off thanks for even taking the time.

Also I do have access to more bupe. At my disposal although under a lock and key, rather. The thing is , the other scripts I get I can continue to get and not have to pay so fucking much to be in the sub program im in right now. The money id save has to be used for childcare very soon.

And yes I agree theres no rush to iv bupe but it does give that relief I so look forward to after working my ass off all day. And I think it just reminds me of past times because I have been an iv user of many drugs since I was 16.

So here I am again I have made it up til almost 5pm on Monday without using any bupe but im feeling very tempted again. My appointment got put off for right now due to scheduling issues. And I don't know their requirements on people that are switching over. Like if I could continue to use the rest of my bupe to continue a slower taper but I am conflicted with even thinking about that.
Since I'm switching programs i gotta be fit into the schedule. So im supposed to hear back soon.

I didnt sleep a wink last night. And I tried ever trick i know. Kpins, antihistamines, alcohol. Been sweating and very anxious but no gi symptoms yet and I think the gabapentin is helping with any pain. Unless I just haven't hit that point yet. Actually I did have some aches and pains last night. And the day before. 1200mg gabapentin a day, is that possible that that is a cure for the pain associated with bupe wd.
Idk my minds a mess. And im gonna be very frustrated if I can't sleep tonight.
Do yall think they would discontinue my other meds and further delay me if I tested positive for bupe upon entry to this new program. I told them I didn't want any more bupe scripts. Ok im going on and on. Gone stop. Thanks