LifeQuitter
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2024
- Messages
- 33
Second time doing this drug. First one got me fucked up bad for 2 days straight so I was hesitant to go again but today was another day in hell so here we go.
Visiting different town staying at a hotel with my mum before going to a friend‘s place. Woke up with insane pain like everyday. Looking for something to blow, running low on opioids and need to hold them off until Saturday so only thing left is some aPiHP and 3-meo-PCE. Blow a small line of the aPiHP feel a little bit better, start the day, notice that stuff doesn‘t hit me as good as it used to, pain coming back pretty bad quickly. Crawl back into my bed contemplating on what to do. Have to hold out on the opioids, so decided to do a very very small line of the PCE just to get by. Compared to all the other RC drugs the PCE has an extra skull warning symbol on it. I was really hesitant since I remembered last time. Pain was getting worse and worse so I just did it. Well, it‘s about 12h post application and I can‘t even fully remember what I did that day. I just remember I was walking around downtown feeling like my face melting off my skin, everything numb. Cold day and blisters on my feet after 5 hours of walking but not feeling a thing. My whole body and mind feel like the dentist‘s anesthesia. I remember I ate a burger but didn‘t even finish a bite and forgot to pay and was stopped. When I came back to the hotel my mum yelled at me as per usual. I was just sitting next her. Usually I would also raise my voice and shit but not this time. I couldn‘t even focus on what she was saying. Just sitting apathetically. Couldn‘t even focus on my own thoughts. Had a thought and forgot to finish thinking the thought. That‘s how it feels, constantly. Even now. That‘s why my sentencing is so weird. Can‘t think clearly. Everything feels detached and like a movie. I feel very very detached. Like living on another planet. Pain suppression still holds good though. Had some occasional spikes hitting but subsided pretty quickly compared to the hours and hours of screaming in agony lying on the floor crawled up in the fetal position (this is my life sober… btw I hate this shit. I hate drugs. I wanna be free but sober is unbearable).
Well I am just glad that the half time of this stuff is quite long. But idk how long I can do this for. I want this all to end.
Don’t do this drug it’s super neurotoxic and caustic and you will feel it. It fucks you up real bad. It has 3 danger warning symbols on it’s baggy for a reason. It’s not a fun high too in my opinion. Well maybe because I am just looking for pain relief. But if that wouldn’t be the case I wouldn’t find the dissociative aspect fun at all. It feels cold and zombie like. You can’t think well. All there is left is chopped thoughts, a numb body and mind and the stench of the chemical in my nose.
Hope tomorrow is going to be better pain-wise.
Visiting different town staying at a hotel with my mum before going to a friend‘s place. Woke up with insane pain like everyday. Looking for something to blow, running low on opioids and need to hold them off until Saturday so only thing left is some aPiHP and 3-meo-PCE. Blow a small line of the aPiHP feel a little bit better, start the day, notice that stuff doesn‘t hit me as good as it used to, pain coming back pretty bad quickly. Crawl back into my bed contemplating on what to do. Have to hold out on the opioids, so decided to do a very very small line of the PCE just to get by. Compared to all the other RC drugs the PCE has an extra skull warning symbol on it. I was really hesitant since I remembered last time. Pain was getting worse and worse so I just did it. Well, it‘s about 12h post application and I can‘t even fully remember what I did that day. I just remember I was walking around downtown feeling like my face melting off my skin, everything numb. Cold day and blisters on my feet after 5 hours of walking but not feeling a thing. My whole body and mind feel like the dentist‘s anesthesia. I remember I ate a burger but didn‘t even finish a bite and forgot to pay and was stopped. When I came back to the hotel my mum yelled at me as per usual. I was just sitting next her. Usually I would also raise my voice and shit but not this time. I couldn‘t even focus on what she was saying. Just sitting apathetically. Couldn‘t even focus on my own thoughts. Had a thought and forgot to finish thinking the thought. That‘s how it feels, constantly. Even now. That‘s why my sentencing is so weird. Can‘t think clearly. Everything feels detached and like a movie. I feel very very detached. Like living on another planet. Pain suppression still holds good though. Had some occasional spikes hitting but subsided pretty quickly compared to the hours and hours of screaming in agony lying on the floor crawled up in the fetal position (this is my life sober… btw I hate this shit. I hate drugs. I wanna be free but sober is unbearable).
Well I am just glad that the half time of this stuff is quite long. But idk how long I can do this for. I want this all to end.
Don’t do this drug it’s super neurotoxic and caustic and you will feel it. It fucks you up real bad. It has 3 danger warning symbols on it’s baggy for a reason. It’s not a fun high too in my opinion. Well maybe because I am just looking for pain relief. But if that wouldn’t be the case I wouldn’t find the dissociative aspect fun at all. It feels cold and zombie like. You can’t think well. All there is left is chopped thoughts, a numb body and mind and the stench of the chemical in my nose.
Hope tomorrow is going to be better pain-wise.
