Relapse 3 days clean and I relapsed!!
- Thread starter Megamaniac
- Start date
Jesus. I can't take itReanimator13
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 16, 2017
- Messages
- 140
Ya Man... The insomnia really REALLY sucks. Took me 4 months to get some semi normal sleep. Still toss and turn alot. Good luck and hang in there... we have all gone through the blender of WD.
R13
R13
Megamaniac
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2017
- Messages
- 13
Hi all.
I haven't updated in a few days because for some weird reason I haven't been feeling very well. Lol.
Ok ...so, I somehow fell asleep thurs night around midnight and slept until around 630. Holy moly did I need it!!! But the victory was short lived. I didn't sleep again until yesterday (Sat). Painful. I only slept for 5 hours yesterday but I'll take it with a smile. Still having plenty of GI issues but it's only been 7 days so I'm sure that I will have at least a few more days of those. This sleep thing sux so bad. Valarian root doesn't even remotely make me sleep. I know that I just have to be patient.
I hope all are well.
I haven't updated in a few days because for some weird reason I haven't been feeling very well. Lol.
Ok ...so, I somehow fell asleep thurs night around midnight and slept until around 630. Holy moly did I need it!!! But the victory was short lived. I didn't sleep again until yesterday (Sat). Painful. I only slept for 5 hours yesterday but I'll take it with a smile. Still having plenty of GI issues but it's only been 7 days so I'm sure that I will have at least a few more days of those. This sleep thing sux so bad. Valarian root doesn't even remotely make me sleep. I know that I just have to be patient.
I hope all are well.
embryo923
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2014
- Messages
- 192
Try Passion Flower, Kava, and Valerian combined, in liquid dropper form if you can. I get it at Whole Foods. I drop the liquid in these big vitamin b12 capsules i have, I empty the b12 out and put the liquid in there and take a bunch on an empty stomach and I totally feel a very strong and even euphoric, nice relaxed feeling.
Megamaniac
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2017
- Messages
- 13
12 days in the books! Still getting terrible sleep but all G I issues are gone. I have passion flower coming today in the mail. I have my fingers crossed that it'll help me sleep. I'm gonna take it with valarian root. I do eventually sleep but I have to be awake for more than 24 hours. It's annoying and I can't really get much done like this. I'm able to sit still for longer and longer periods which is great! The past 2 days I have been a very ornery surly prick to everyone but my mood is better today thankfully.
I really hope I can do it this time. I plan on talking to a councillor for help with my mind grapes.
Wish me luck.
I really hope I can do it this time. I plan on talking to a councillor for help with my mind grapes.
Wish me luck.
Beenbetter
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2017
- Messages
- 200
Best of luck!!
Fill us in how you are doing when you can.
If only I was as strong as you!!!
Fill us in how you are doing when you can.
If only I was as strong as you!!!
Megamaniac
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2017
- Messages
- 13
Hi been better
I'm not strong I just made my mind up (for the 5th time) lol. This has not been easy at any point!! There have been times when I feel pretty good but the are short lived and those didn't start coming until day 5 and 6. It's been 15 days now and I'm still not 100% it is frustrating to say the least. This forum helped me tremendously and it can help you too. Reach out and ask for help here and from others. I did and it helped me.
I still feel like blah, when is that going to subside? I have very low energy levels which is unlike me, even before the opiates. I am making myself do things. I rebuilt the rear end of my 4runner which took 4 times longer than it normally would have but I did it and man did it make my body sore as crap. I felt like I lifted weights for days on end.
I'm just wondering when am I going to start feeling like myself again? I know that it is going to take time and that I have to be patient. Any advice or words of encouragement are welcome.
Thanks and hope all are well!!
I'm not strong I just made my mind up (for the 5th time) lol. This has not been easy at any point!! There have been times when I feel pretty good but the are short lived and those didn't start coming until day 5 and 6. It's been 15 days now and I'm still not 100% it is frustrating to say the least. This forum helped me tremendously and it can help you too. Reach out and ask for help here and from others. I did and it helped me.
I still feel like blah, when is that going to subside? I have very low energy levels which is unlike me, even before the opiates. I am making myself do things. I rebuilt the rear end of my 4runner which took 4 times longer than it normally would have but I did it and man did it make my body sore as crap. I felt like I lifted weights for days on end.
I'm just wondering when am I going to start feeling like myself again? I know that it is going to take time and that I have to be patient. Any advice or words of encouragement are welcome.
Thanks and hope all are well!!
simco
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2014
- Messages
- 2,246
Since everyone's different, it's hard to say how long you'll be feeling ragged. But what I can say is that this process is usually gradual. That is, you're likely to notice some improvements fairly soon. And over time you'll notice WD symptoms decreasing. Unfortunately, it can take quite a while to get to full relief from all symptoms.
What symptoms are you dealing with most right now?
What symptoms are you dealing with most right now?
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
- Joined
- Nov 3, 1999
- Messages
- 84,998
I remember having to remind myself a lot after getting away from a serious habit, like, “how long was I dependent on that stuff again?” It is so easy to want instant relief, but after spending however long using it is only understandable feeling back to normal without using will take some time.
Like simco said, just as learning to use is a gradual process, learning to live without is as well.
Like simco said, just as learning to use is a gradual process, learning to live without is as well.
Megamaniac
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2017
- Messages
- 13
So I just read your thread SIM and all I can say is wow. You are a strong dude. You too TPD. It was close to a solid year of use this time and I worked my way up to more than a g a day habit.
That being said. Holy fuck balls. The cravings are absolutely bananas. I've never had them like this before and it scares the piss right out of me. In the past when I have quit, as soon as I was past the acute part of wd I never looked back. Ha well I never looked back for periods of time or I wouldn't be where I am. Using again is on my brain a lot. Mainly for energy and sleep reasons. I did have a small bump in the road 4 days ago and used a small amount. It did give me some energy but not much. All it really did was set my skin on FIRE!!!! I have never had this happen to me and I'm glad it did. It didn't help me sleep and it didn't make me feel good. I literally wanted to rip my skin off. Kinda cool I didn't have a positive high.
SIM, how did the vivitrol work for you? I'm thinking about trying it.
You guys are amazing and Thank you for all your help and insight.
That being said. Holy fuck balls. The cravings are absolutely bananas. I've never had them like this before and it scares the piss right out of me. In the past when I have quit, as soon as I was past the acute part of wd I never looked back. Ha well I never looked back for periods of time or I wouldn't be where I am. Using again is on my brain a lot. Mainly for energy and sleep reasons. I did have a small bump in the road 4 days ago and used a small amount. It did give me some energy but not much. All it really did was set my skin on FIRE!!!! I have never had this happen to me and I'm glad it did. It didn't help me sleep and it didn't make me feel good. I literally wanted to rip my skin off. Kinda cool I didn't have a positive high.
SIM, how did the vivitrol work for you? I'm thinking about trying it.
You guys are amazing and Thank you for all your help and insight.
Megamaniac
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2017
- Messages
- 13
And to answer you SIM. I'm just super lazy. I have no energy at all. I have to make myself do anything. That and sleep and cravings. I'm taking passion flower kava and valarian root at night for sleep. Sometimes it works sometimes not so much. I feel like that stuff is lingering in the morning and making me drag ass. Don't get me wrong. I feel much better than I did the first ten days but still just blah... I only did 1 cap the other day but man it was fire and I had 12 days under my belt so I think I kinda had an allergic reaction to it. Which is great. I'll take any and all negative reactions to that crap. It just makes me stronger and want it less.
Thanks guys for taking the time to read and respond to this 40 year old idiot.
Thanks guys for taking the time to read and respond to this 40 year old idiot.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
- Joined
- Nov 3, 1999
- Messages
- 84,998
I think you’d be a good candidate for naltrexone at this point, despite my general aversion to that particular treatment.
I personally found iboga and other entheogens really helpful with overcoming the intense cravings of early recovery. But for context I was always a bit predisposed towards being a psychonaut and exploring sacred medicine.
Learning how to meditate and a willingness to try to be at peace with anything manifesting as my present moment experience, no matter how many obstacles I would encounter, this has been critical to my process. I think addressing obstacles like aversion, craving, romanticizing, restlessness and exhaustion (as in learning to practice various tools people employ to meet and relate to such situations in healthier, sustainable ways) was absolutely crucial.
It isn’t necessarily easy and it requires a lot of effort long term, but it is surprisingly do-able when one connects with practices they feel good and can engage in with a sense of authenticity and meaningfulness. Almost effortless when you connect with what feels right for you. A good start with this is connecting with role models you can authentically identify with as people who posses character traits you wish to embody.
It’s kind of like learning to love oneself, unconditionally. It’s such a gratifying adventure. In any case, recovery is all about exploring what feels right for each of us.
Have you explored much in the way of this kind of thing? You’re still just getting your feet wet in a sense, but you also have more resources than you are likely aware of in dealing with all this without having to merely rely on unhealthy behaviors. The more variety of the tools you have, the better able you’ll be to meet yourself where you are, at any stage of your process. It’s all about exploration and practice, as I said.
And btw, while I some definitely do describe me of a “spiritual warrior” these days when it comes to my willingness to be true to making a better life for myself, it’s about far more than just willingness or strength. IME it’s more about meaning and authenticity.
In learning to fall in love with yourself, it often does require strength, courage and bravery, but it also requires sensitivity, kindness, compassion and understanding. They call this skillful means in my community.
Sometimes it can be more difficult to be truly kind to ones self than it is to be forceful with achieving our goals. Sometimes strength requires kindness. Actually, it often does.
I personally found iboga and other entheogens really helpful with overcoming the intense cravings of early recovery. But for context I was always a bit predisposed towards being a psychonaut and exploring sacred medicine.
Learning how to meditate and a willingness to try to be at peace with anything manifesting as my present moment experience, no matter how many obstacles I would encounter, this has been critical to my process. I think addressing obstacles like aversion, craving, romanticizing, restlessness and exhaustion (as in learning to practice various tools people employ to meet and relate to such situations in healthier, sustainable ways) was absolutely crucial.
It isn’t necessarily easy and it requires a lot of effort long term, but it is surprisingly do-able when one connects with practices they feel good and can engage in with a sense of authenticity and meaningfulness. Almost effortless when you connect with what feels right for you. A good start with this is connecting with role models you can authentically identify with as people who posses character traits you wish to embody.
It’s kind of like learning to love oneself, unconditionally. It’s such a gratifying adventure. In any case, recovery is all about exploring what feels right for each of us.
Have you explored much in the way of this kind of thing? You’re still just getting your feet wet in a sense, but you also have more resources than you are likely aware of in dealing with all this without having to merely rely on unhealthy behaviors. The more variety of the tools you have, the better able you’ll be to meet yourself where you are, at any stage of your process. It’s all about exploration and practice, as I said.
And btw, while I some definitely do describe me of a “spiritual warrior” these days when it comes to my willingness to be true to making a better life for myself, it’s about far more than just willingness or strength. IME it’s more about meaning and authenticity.
In learning to fall in love with yourself, it often does require strength, courage and bravery, but it also requires sensitivity, kindness, compassion and understanding. They call this skillful means in my community.
Sometimes it can be more difficult to be truly kind to ones self than it is to be forceful with achieving our goals. Sometimes strength requires kindness. Actually, it often does.