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Relapse 3 days clean and I relapsed!!

M

Megamaniac

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Joined
Mar 21, 2017
Messages
13
Hi all
I'm new to this so I hope I'm posting in the right place.
So my story goes like this. I have been using roughly a gram a day for about a year. I had 8 years clean and then I was in a car accident and given plenty of diluadid and a script of roxys to boot. So of course being the idiot that I am I went crazy for about 4 months then I quit ct using gabapentin and temazapam. So that lasted about six months and now here we are a year later.I have been using for a year and I'm up to a gram a day habit. So I'm kicking again, I'm over this shit and I'm clueless as to why I do this to myself.
I have been using gabapentin only this time which sucks for sleeping. I had 3 days clean as of noon today and I just went and used. I just snorted .25 of h. Is this going to start me back at zero? I am going to get more gabapentin tonight and hopefully some temazapam for sleep. I'm scared that I just pissed the last 3 days down the drain. Any advice is helpful.
Also I took a small piece of a sub yesterday which actually seemed to make my wds worse
 
Last edited by a moderator:
You probably weren't all the way in withdrawal yet, and it put you into precipitated withdrawal.

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through; stay strong.
 
Have you considered trying an extended detox, like six months one buprenorphine or methadone? It sounds like it would provide you with some much needed stability. You accrued a significant amount of time before, so you already know you are more than capable of it. I have a feeling it is just a matter of you finding yourself enough support to keep you stable, and pharmacotherapies like ORT can plan an important role in that.

Are you able to take a hot bath or something? That always makes me feel better when I am kicking. Ditto with listening to music and taking a leisurely walk somewhere to do something small and nice for myself (like getting myself my favorite snack treat for the corner store or street vender).
 
I dont think your starting from scratch now and with more gabapentin on hand i would stop all ops and go for it! Really sounds like you want to end it mentally and thats a BIG hurdle!.
Check comfort med threads here very informative and maybe add to your comfort meds. Im surprised gabapentin doesn't help with sleep i found lyrica gave me more sleep than xanax, thats the only benzo i had during wds.
Good luck!
 
Hey, Megamaniac... I'm curious what happened after that .25 you snorted. I can't imagine that set you back very far. How are you feeling today?
 
Megamaniac said:
Hi all
I'm new to this so I hope I'm posting in the right place.
So my story goes like this. I have been using roughly a gram a day for about a year. I had 8 years clean and then I was in a car accident and given plenty of diluadid and a script of roxys to boot. So of course being the idiot that I am I went crazy for about 4 months then I quit ct using gabapentin and temazapam. So that lasted about six months and now here we are a year later.I have been using for a year and I'm up to a gram a day habit. So I'm kicking again, I'm over this shit and I'm clueless as to why I do this to myself.
I have been using gabapentin only this time which sucks for sleeping. I had 3 days clean as of noon today and I just went and used. I just snorted .25 of h. Is this going to start me back at zero? I am going to get more gabapentin tonight and hopefully some temazapam for sleep. I'm scared that I just pissed the last 3 days down the drain. Any advice is helpful.
Also I took a small piece of a sub yesterday which actually seemed to make my wds worse
Click to expand...

Hope you avoid going back. I don't believe it will start you back over at 0 on the withdraws, but giving in will lead to the domino effect that could end you back up into the habit. It can be difficult at times saying when beating yourself up and becoming hopeless.

Just try not to fear the withdraws and tough it out. As said earlier, if you are finding it extremely difficult to quit the habit, I would look into a maintenance program like suboxone or methadone (avoiding methadone as it can itself be difficult to get off) but both have their advantages.

Post back with an update on your progress.
 
I was definitely able to sleep last night which was great. After the .25 I wasn't "high" I just wasn't sick feeling anymore. Even now I still feel fine. I have yet to take any nerontins and it has been almost 24 hrs since my hiccup with no wds as of yet. I'm just worried that I'm starting from scratch.
As far as using a long term taper, I would rather just do it and get it over with. I have done this before and I can definitely do it again. I want my life back.
Yes I have access to hot baths which have always helped me in the past. Do you guys think that I will have to start back at square one?
 
I don't think you'll be back at square one. Good luck!
 
I just wanted to add the the well formed consensus here...

Megamaniac said:
I was definitely able to sleep last night which was great. After the .25 I wasn't "high" I just wasn't sick feeling anymore. Even now I still feel fine. I have yet to take any nerontins and it has been almost 24 hrs since my hiccup with no wds as of yet. I'm just worried that I'm starting from scratch.
As far as using a long term taper, I would rather just do it and get it over with. I have done this before and I can definitely do it again. I want my life back.
Yes I have access to hot baths which have always helped me in the past. Do you guys think that I will have to start back at square one?
Click to expand...

Naw, the progress you made isn't just going to up and disappear. You probably have some bumps in the road ahead to look forward too, but those days you had/have already managed to wrangle will sure help.
 
Ok. So I have used the past couple days but here I go again. It's been 24 hours since I've used. I took 2 gabapentinsecs 300 MG today and it knocked me out for several hours. I'm still feeling fine as of yet. I only have 15 left and don't want to use them up to fast. I'm hoping since I had those 3 days under my belt that it will be easier this time. Not necessarily easier but not as physically hard. I also was able to pick up some Xanax this time around which I didn't have a few days ago. That is going to help me sleep I'm sure, I hope. When I had the 3 days clean I started out wrong I think. I started taking the gabapentin too soon. I began taking it 2 days before I actually started to kick. I intended on kicking when I started the gabapentin but I used for 2 more days like a dummy.
Anyhow, wish me luck this time cause it's going to take more than just luck and I know that. I'm going to save the Xanax for night time unless I really need one throughout the day.
Thanks everyone for your support and words of encouragement. It is not lost on deaf ears.
 
Hi all. It's been awhile but I'm back. I am on day nine CT. It's been a long very hellish 9 days but I'm really happy that I stuck it out this time. Most of the symptoms have passed. Just still dealing with feeling a lot of aches and pains to insomnia. My appetite even came back today. I have been eating like a fat kid!! I'm still having a hard time sitting still but I'm hoping to get some sleep tonight, for more than just an hour. The main reason why I can't sleep is because I can't sit still. I have found myself sitting completely still today...without even trying, so that's huge.
I had a different mindset going into it this time. I kept reminding myself of how much I really wanted this and that I had to be stronger than the drug. I've been able to do it once before on my own. Not until finding gabapentin or neurontin. The first time I CT'ed I had only been using for a few months, 4 or 5. So it was easier than this time and much shorter. The first time i started feeling better after day 4. Not this time.
I'm finally getting through the "fog". Anyhow, goodluck to all, it can be done!!!
 
Mega: Great job on getting to day 9... that is huge!! Things should slowly... yes slowly... get better, and the worst of the physical symptoms should be past by now. My insomnia lingered for awhile, but we are all different. Take care!
 
Hi all
I am retarded.
It has been a while since I've dropped in and that is because I have been using. I met a girl that I actually liked and for so.e really stupid reason I thought I could just use a little bit here and there and all would be fine. Lmao
Obviously that did not work. I ended up getting hooked again. As per usual. So then I would try to kick which we all know isn't fun nor fast. As I would get to day 4 or 5 my girl would start asking questions about me and what was wrong with me and why I wasn't working or doing anything so then I would just use to be able to work and so on and so on. It became a loop.
But not this time.
I told her everything. Which she already knew something was definitely wrong. But she was actually kinda relieved that it wasn't another girl or that I just lost interest in us. It feels amazing to get this off my chest. Oddly enough she was and is very supportive. I went 4 and a half or 5 days clean last week but I was taking a buttload of restoril/temazepam I don't remember much. Then I used sat and Sun. Ran through a ball of raw. I last used sun night. It's Wed night now and I don't have any benzos nor any ganja.
Some way some how it's been 3 days and I'm already starting to feel better. Don't get me wrong I'm nowhere near 100% I'd say I'm about 60. But it's only day 3. I'm guessing that last week is making a difference?
I really don't know. But I do know that I can do this. I haven't had the urge to use this time. All I am focused on is getting and staying clean. I told my brother and my girlfriend. Both know now so I have a way of being held accountable. I also have their support. Which is huge right now. Yes both were angry and yes I heard a ton of crap. A ton!!! But now I'm on the path I want and need to be on. Thankfully!!
I just hope that I'm not being too optimistic and that I'm not about to hit a brick wall. It scares me that I'm not feeling super crappy like day 1 and 2. Anyone have any ideas or input on this ? All I am taking gabapentin and that is it. I ran out of benzos yesterday. Wish me luck everyone. I am not a sissy and I'm not going to be controlled by anyone or anything. Especially a substance that tries to take everything from you.
 
Hi Megamaniac!

We're both retarded lol. God knows why we use....again. And again. And...yet again.

A quick backstory: My doc is IV heroin. I was clean for 1.5 years. Then I started using on average 2 times a month at about 3 days straight each time-give or take For over a fucking year now I want to stop completely but can't seem to. I will stop for 10 days use for 3. Stop for 20 days use for 2. On and on. It's screwing my life up. Plus I have "kindling" - I go through w/d.

I also have a connect for subs. So I was taking them in between. Not insane amounts. But using them pretty regularly. Now I think I have a small sub dependence. I'm currently taking loperamide for it.

I havent used in a little over a month-it's the longest I've made it in over a year. But there's a catch That's only because I'm not home and have no access to dope. I'm from Pa and I'm in Fla currently We are down here due to family related things-my husband's father passed away. So we're here with his mom. We're returning to Pa soon. I'm concerned. I'm not gonna lie.

My cravings were horrible up until about 2 days ago - I just realized that. (That my cravings toned down).

I have no answers why your w/d symptoms are less severe this time. But run with it. It's a blessing. Possibly coming clean w your gf and brother is helping somehow. Whatever the reason-take it as a gift, consolation prize--whatever and get well! Put a recovery plan together and do it. I'm rooting for you.
 
You should look into maintenance. It seems this getting on and off thing has become a cycle from you. I'm on methadone and it has changed my life for the better in incredible ways. I don't crave opiates anymore which is a miracle. Think about it
 
^yes. ORT. That's in the plan for me as well Mega. Happy that has worked so well for you cj <3
 
Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement. I have thought about methadone or subs. I have tried it in the past and I just end up getting hooked on that stuff which is worse to kick than dope imho.
I didn't get any sleep last night. Not even a few minutes. Which really sucks but I know that eventually I am going to crash. I'm definitely looking forward to that happening. I really feel like crap. The sleep thing is one of the worst parts of withdrawal. For me at least. I took some valarian root a bit ago and it definitely makes a difference in being able to sit still. My body is just learning how to do the stuff it used to do on its own again. I just have to be patient and remember that this is not going to be easy or painless. Sleep will come. I know it.
I hope all of you are doing well and hanging tough like NKTB. Some of you may get that. Lol. To those who do.
I'm struggling but I am going to make it. I'm on day 4 now. The last 4 days feel like 4 years. God I hate this drug.
It can and will be done!!
 
Of course going on ORT is completely your call. But before you discount the idea, keep in mind that acquiring a physical dependency on something like subs or methadone is VERY different from carrying around a full blown addiction. Maintenance can be really helpful for stabilizing your life...steady supply, reduced illegality, etc.

Maybe worth considering?
 
The insomnia sucks. I didn't sleep at all last night. And I'm at my mother in laws house. No tv to watch. I have to be quiet. Every time I leave the bedroom the damn dog tries to attack me. 8:)!. This trip to Florida has been brutal. Between my father in law dying and the hurricane -I'm so ready to go home.

Yes-sleep will come. You're doing great. For me, ORT-will allow me to get clean time and put together a strong recovery plan I need it To paraphrase what Sim said- yes it's a highly personal decision but meta done or subs is a different ballgame than heroin addiction. It's worth thinking about at least. Hang in there Mega. :)
 
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