Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
5-18-06
Yesterday I had decided that I probably wanted to ingest 18mg of 2C-I in the nighttime, and spend the night listening to good music and thinking. I'm aware from previous trials that 2C-I is quite a nice analytical tool, and I was definitely not disappointed in that respect. After hanging out with some friend until about 10:00pm, I went home, and proceeded to ingest the 18mg of 2C-I as planned, at about 11:00. Even though today is a work day, I figured it would be fine, because I handle lack of sleep quite well, especially when accompanied by a psychedelic afterglow. After I took the chemical, I laid down on my bed and started to watch some TV and occasionally doze off, waiting for the come-up.
What follows is a long-winded account of the philosphical diatribe that was coursing through my head increasingly throughout the night. The trip began a little shaky in that regard, and I couldn't quite seem to think of anything to write, but that was soon remedied, and once the floodgates opened, it would have been very hard to close them back up. If you don't care about my personal thought process during the trip, then skip to the bottom for an analysis, but you'll miss the entire report, because this trip was 100% about the intense analytical objectivity I experienced as a result of my mental and aural stimuli and 2C-I.
12:06 (T+1:06)- I'm finding that a useful way to channel my excess nervous energy is through moving my legs in little circular patterns, like a combination between a tap and a sway. It's actually making the come-up significantly easier.
12:20 (T+1:20)- Popped on Dark Side of the Moon for a little relaxation. Why does it sound like I've never quite heard this album before?
12:26 (T+1:26)- My typing accuracy is pretty dramatically affected, I've discovered. (ed: this went away) And the music is quite intensely massaging my brain and body. I think deviating from my usual tracey tripping music to Pink Floyd was definitely the right choice tonight.
12:30 (T+1:30)- This has quickly become entirely pleasurable. Yay! And we're just starting Time.
12:55 (T+1:55)- Dark Side is nearing completion. I think it's past time for a good hit or two from Mr. Vaporizer.
1:05 (T+2:05)- Time for Disc 2 of the Delicate Sound of Thunder.
1:22 (T+2:22)- I sometimes wonder why ketamine fascinates me so much. I mean, most of the time these days that I'm tripping indoors at night, I end up reading about ketamine trip reports. Currently, ketamine combined with DPT are the reports I'm seeking, and they're invariably.... awesome. There's not really a word to describe the cluster of emotions that these reports are making me feel. I occasionally struggle with the idea that I'm just sitting here, senselessly ingesting unknown chemicals while sitting in front of my computer, but it does help that the insights I've personally obtained from ketamine are heavily reinforced by eastern philosophy and spiritual practices, although why this should comfort me, I'm not sure. I come across this quote:
"She then proceeded to inform me that this human life, the life I know as life on Earth, is only one of many existences that I have and will continue to experience. She expressed that through practice, I could let go at any time of my current body, and move on to the next stage of my existence. In some respects, this seemed like a very familiar idea, such as that described by many eastern philosophies and religions. When one lets go of worldly thirsts, one can finally begin the path to understanding existence." -- Eric.Smerica, Erowid
That statement is so profound. When I read that, I wonder why it is, how it is, that the world has come to be in the sorry state that it is in terms of personal spirituality. Why has everyone forgotten that, in fact, this statement is literally true? When? I had certainly forgotten, until certain mental adventures served to remind me. Indeed, in the western world, telling someone that you literally believed this to be true would land you with some strange looks, at the very best. Yet, it is the absolute and literal truth. Why is it that, instead of practicing control over our consciousness and minds, we're rotting those very things away with our shameful wtbrasaf <-- This is my new word for that.
Well, I suppose we're not rotting our consciousness away, but merely masking it from ourselves senselessly. Meditation, in theory, has never made so much sense to me. I already realize that consciousness consists of many loops of thought, very much like a computer's operating system works. All of these subconscious movements of energy play into everything that our bodies and brains conspire to provide us with the illusion of time and space so deeply and seamlessly that it's only natural, I suppose, for a human to be unaware of it without putting thought into the matter. Of course, then, if one were able to consciously shut down various levels, that sensory information would be lost, leaving only the pure consciousness, much like the state produced by ketamine. That is so profound I can't imagine right now why there are people who attempt, quite successfully I might add, to squash this entire mode and avenue of thought, and in fact can and will ruin your life for it, instead.
When we're born into this world at babies, we are somehow bound to a specific new one-celled organism that is constantly evolving to become a human. Why is it that we have no memories of our lives until we reached a certain age, which seems to vary between people? Why is it that I don't start remembering my life until I was around 4 or 5, and vaguely even then in some sort of relevant context to the way I experience life now, but my girlfriend has distinct and clear memories beginning from 6 months old, verified through detailed descriptions of events with her mom? I think because I led a very idyllic childhood, whereas hers was rough from the get-go, with fighting parents and a divorce/abandonment, and a sense of personal responsibility to hold things together. She had to develop a strong ego very early on to help her deal with her environmental surroundings, and I really feel it has impacted her negatively since. On the other hand, I was lucky enough to experience an exceptionally wonderful and idyllic childhood that I become more grateful for each day, so my own ego had quite a luxury of time in which to slowly develop. Looking back while in psychedelic states often allows me to glimpse memories I had long since forgotten, just brief glimpses into my mind at that time, and it gives me shivers seeing how every successive step has led me to be who I am today, but when I was young, to be so unaware of all of this. It's just so beautifully ironic!
1:48 (T+2:48)- I've come to the conclusion that I've definitely not been fully in the "K-hole", as dubious a term as that is to me for some reason. Whatever you call it, I've been pretty far down there, enough to realize that I truly do exist as pure consciousness in some unfathomable way, in a very real sense. But I've not broken through to where I felt I was totally free of my mind - I still experienced myself travelling through ancient, deeply subconscious thought loops, inside my own brain. I really want to experience the total escape from the brain and into universal consciousness. I've done a significant amount of reading on the subject. I think the reason that the strong tryptamine and ketamine combo is often used for such purposes is because the ketamine allows for the physical process of removal from the body, while the tryptamine acts as the lubrication to escape the confines of the physical mind and join the universal mind.
In my opinion, there is nothing more psychedelic than this. It is the very definition of psychedelia, the very core of what everyone is trying to describe and experience. Other psychedelics may be more entertaining, and they may provide you with a uniquely and dramatically ALTERED perception of reality, and they may even provide profound, highly spiritual and instructive and illuminating experiences. But nothing strips away all the layers like ketamine with a tryptamine. Complete removal. The implications are staggering. But this is a very hardcore kind of trip to engage in regularly. And why should it need to be a regular event? Wouldn't once be enough? For that matter, isn't it enough that I've come to realize this very profoundly without having actually taken that final step myself? Probably. But then again, I keep uncovering new thoughts and experiences. The process of the self is an exhilarating journey... at every point you think you know it all, when in fact you know from previous experience that perception is a constantly-evolving thing.
1:57 (T+2:57)- So what is the phenethylamine's role, I often wonder? They're definitely my favorite in terms of enjoyable potential. For example, this particular 2C-I journey is particularly refreshing and easygoing, although I'm not really paying much attention to the effects that aren't on my thought process at the moment. Although, I do have a good amount of upper back and shoulder tension. But that's just a perception, like any other... there's nothing intrinsically bad or good about it. From an evolutionary perspective, pain teaches us that some form of danger is immediately threatening, so through continued exposure to it and its causes, we learn to associate bad thoughts and emotions with them. But there's nothing actually bad about pain; it's just another feeling.
Anyway, the phenethylamine, as I see it, is sort of an intermediary between the universe and the physical experience.
2:04 (T+3:04)- This quote I came across:
"There were probably around 10 different paths experienced involving the creation of the universe itself, most of which are too foreign to language to properly describe. One in particular was the fractal concept of our reality or whatever you want to call it being a fragment of an electron in an atom of another universe scaled larger than ours, and the same chain repeating in both ways. This was one of the parts that was very well visualized, and making the travel between all of those places in so short a time filled me with even more energy the next time I opened my eyes." -- FlowGnome, Erowid
I've believed this for many years now, and in fact began to believe it long before I ever dreamed of ingesting psychoactive substances. To have this belief fulfilled experientially, even by another, is so awesome.
In fact, this report is very excellent and thought-provoking! I mean FlowGnome's. The concept of religion and spirituality that most people have these days is sad. How could we have descended from such great heights into this pit of self-loathing and fear and repression and guilt that so many of the organized religions impose? What about those modes of spirituality are joyful, or enlightening, or worthwhile, or good? How is it that people are satisfied and willing to impose this upon themselves? Why is it that people will, with no doubt and a straight face, believe that there exists a large, masculine, singular identity who just so happens to be in the form that we are, except in our ideal of power and beauty, who, for some reason, really seems to have it in for us, his supposedly loved creations? That we're born deep, filthy sinners? Give me a fucking break! Actually, give everyone around the world whose lives hold no joy in the hopes of an elusive future ofsalvation a break! Give those who were slaughtered in the name of this concept a break!
Anyway, it just seems odd that people would easily believe this notion, but then to consider it ludicrous that we truly exist as pure consciousness, unified with everything, doesn't it? I mean, certainly they're both rather fantastical-sounding ideas, but I think equally plausible. Well, maybe not ewually at all... how vain is that, anyway, to craft "god" in your own image? It's directly against the morality of that religion, vanity is.
It just really bothers me what an enslaving "philosophy" (and I use that term lightly) it is, and unnecessarily so. We have the capacity to be unrelentingly joyous, living each moment in the now as if we had never lived a moment before, seeing the world anew with each breath. But through suffocating hierarchies of oppression, this is squelched in order to maintain social control over the masses. But all we have to do to escape it is remember that it's not real, although to our physical selves, oppression can be, though in the case of American religion, it's not because no one is enforcing it upon you. Just to remember that all the attachments we have, everything we are, everything we were and will be, all amounts to just another of our countless journies as higher-dimensional beings, and in the end, this life is nothing but a blip in the eye of infinity, soon forgotten. That's not to say we shouldn't love the gift we've been given; no way! We should absolutely treasure the gift of physical life, because it's really glorious if you let it be! Which is why it bothers me SO MUCH that such oppression and suppression of the natural feelings of joy and wonder and excitement and pleasure, senselessly and destructively. We should live each day as if it were our only day, and live it up to its fullest! But we would also do well to remember that in the end we can just let it go, and when things seem bad, all we need to do is realize it's transient, and rise above it, because it doesn't really matter.
2:28 (T+3:28)- Which CD to play next? The Animals, Dark Side of the Moon, The Wall... it's all equally fitting. I'll go with The Animals because I rarely play that one, even though I truly enjoy it.
(continued at the bottom: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=5794281&postcount=6)
substancecode_2CI
methodcode_oral
Yesterday I had decided that I probably wanted to ingest 18mg of 2C-I in the nighttime, and spend the night listening to good music and thinking. I'm aware from previous trials that 2C-I is quite a nice analytical tool, and I was definitely not disappointed in that respect. After hanging out with some friend until about 10:00pm, I went home, and proceeded to ingest the 18mg of 2C-I as planned, at about 11:00. Even though today is a work day, I figured it would be fine, because I handle lack of sleep quite well, especially when accompanied by a psychedelic afterglow. After I took the chemical, I laid down on my bed and started to watch some TV and occasionally doze off, waiting for the come-up.
What follows is a long-winded account of the philosphical diatribe that was coursing through my head increasingly throughout the night. The trip began a little shaky in that regard, and I couldn't quite seem to think of anything to write, but that was soon remedied, and once the floodgates opened, it would have been very hard to close them back up. If you don't care about my personal thought process during the trip, then skip to the bottom for an analysis, but you'll miss the entire report, because this trip was 100% about the intense analytical objectivity I experienced as a result of my mental and aural stimuli and 2C-I.
12:06 (T+1:06)- I'm finding that a useful way to channel my excess nervous energy is through moving my legs in little circular patterns, like a combination between a tap and a sway. It's actually making the come-up significantly easier.
12:20 (T+1:20)- Popped on Dark Side of the Moon for a little relaxation. Why does it sound like I've never quite heard this album before?
12:26 (T+1:26)- My typing accuracy is pretty dramatically affected, I've discovered. (ed: this went away) And the music is quite intensely massaging my brain and body. I think deviating from my usual tracey tripping music to Pink Floyd was definitely the right choice tonight.
12:30 (T+1:30)- This has quickly become entirely pleasurable. Yay! And we're just starting Time.
12:55 (T+1:55)- Dark Side is nearing completion. I think it's past time for a good hit or two from Mr. Vaporizer.
1:05 (T+2:05)- Time for Disc 2 of the Delicate Sound of Thunder.
1:22 (T+2:22)- I sometimes wonder why ketamine fascinates me so much. I mean, most of the time these days that I'm tripping indoors at night, I end up reading about ketamine trip reports. Currently, ketamine combined with DPT are the reports I'm seeking, and they're invariably.... awesome. There's not really a word to describe the cluster of emotions that these reports are making me feel. I occasionally struggle with the idea that I'm just sitting here, senselessly ingesting unknown chemicals while sitting in front of my computer, but it does help that the insights I've personally obtained from ketamine are heavily reinforced by eastern philosophy and spiritual practices, although why this should comfort me, I'm not sure. I come across this quote:
"She then proceeded to inform me that this human life, the life I know as life on Earth, is only one of many existences that I have and will continue to experience. She expressed that through practice, I could let go at any time of my current body, and move on to the next stage of my existence. In some respects, this seemed like a very familiar idea, such as that described by many eastern philosophies and religions. When one lets go of worldly thirsts, one can finally begin the path to understanding existence." -- Eric.Smerica, Erowid
That statement is so profound. When I read that, I wonder why it is, how it is, that the world has come to be in the sorry state that it is in terms of personal spirituality. Why has everyone forgotten that, in fact, this statement is literally true? When? I had certainly forgotten, until certain mental adventures served to remind me. Indeed, in the western world, telling someone that you literally believed this to be true would land you with some strange looks, at the very best. Yet, it is the absolute and literal truth. Why is it that, instead of practicing control over our consciousness and minds, we're rotting those very things away with our shameful wtbrasaf <-- This is my new word for that.
Well, I suppose we're not rotting our consciousness away, but merely masking it from ourselves senselessly. Meditation, in theory, has never made so much sense to me. I already realize that consciousness consists of many loops of thought, very much like a computer's operating system works. All of these subconscious movements of energy play into everything that our bodies and brains conspire to provide us with the illusion of time and space so deeply and seamlessly that it's only natural, I suppose, for a human to be unaware of it without putting thought into the matter. Of course, then, if one were able to consciously shut down various levels, that sensory information would be lost, leaving only the pure consciousness, much like the state produced by ketamine. That is so profound I can't imagine right now why there are people who attempt, quite successfully I might add, to squash this entire mode and avenue of thought, and in fact can and will ruin your life for it, instead.
When we're born into this world at babies, we are somehow bound to a specific new one-celled organism that is constantly evolving to become a human. Why is it that we have no memories of our lives until we reached a certain age, which seems to vary between people? Why is it that I don't start remembering my life until I was around 4 or 5, and vaguely even then in some sort of relevant context to the way I experience life now, but my girlfriend has distinct and clear memories beginning from 6 months old, verified through detailed descriptions of events with her mom? I think because I led a very idyllic childhood, whereas hers was rough from the get-go, with fighting parents and a divorce/abandonment, and a sense of personal responsibility to hold things together. She had to develop a strong ego very early on to help her deal with her environmental surroundings, and I really feel it has impacted her negatively since. On the other hand, I was lucky enough to experience an exceptionally wonderful and idyllic childhood that I become more grateful for each day, so my own ego had quite a luxury of time in which to slowly develop. Looking back while in psychedelic states often allows me to glimpse memories I had long since forgotten, just brief glimpses into my mind at that time, and it gives me shivers seeing how every successive step has led me to be who I am today, but when I was young, to be so unaware of all of this. It's just so beautifully ironic!
1:48 (T+2:48)- I've come to the conclusion that I've definitely not been fully in the "K-hole", as dubious a term as that is to me for some reason. Whatever you call it, I've been pretty far down there, enough to realize that I truly do exist as pure consciousness in some unfathomable way, in a very real sense. But I've not broken through to where I felt I was totally free of my mind - I still experienced myself travelling through ancient, deeply subconscious thought loops, inside my own brain. I really want to experience the total escape from the brain and into universal consciousness. I've done a significant amount of reading on the subject. I think the reason that the strong tryptamine and ketamine combo is often used for such purposes is because the ketamine allows for the physical process of removal from the body, while the tryptamine acts as the lubrication to escape the confines of the physical mind and join the universal mind.
In my opinion, there is nothing more psychedelic than this. It is the very definition of psychedelia, the very core of what everyone is trying to describe and experience. Other psychedelics may be more entertaining, and they may provide you with a uniquely and dramatically ALTERED perception of reality, and they may even provide profound, highly spiritual and instructive and illuminating experiences. But nothing strips away all the layers like ketamine with a tryptamine. Complete removal. The implications are staggering. But this is a very hardcore kind of trip to engage in regularly. And why should it need to be a regular event? Wouldn't once be enough? For that matter, isn't it enough that I've come to realize this very profoundly without having actually taken that final step myself? Probably. But then again, I keep uncovering new thoughts and experiences. The process of the self is an exhilarating journey... at every point you think you know it all, when in fact you know from previous experience that perception is a constantly-evolving thing.
1:57 (T+2:57)- So what is the phenethylamine's role, I often wonder? They're definitely my favorite in terms of enjoyable potential. For example, this particular 2C-I journey is particularly refreshing and easygoing, although I'm not really paying much attention to the effects that aren't on my thought process at the moment. Although, I do have a good amount of upper back and shoulder tension. But that's just a perception, like any other... there's nothing intrinsically bad or good about it. From an evolutionary perspective, pain teaches us that some form of danger is immediately threatening, so through continued exposure to it and its causes, we learn to associate bad thoughts and emotions with them. But there's nothing actually bad about pain; it's just another feeling.
Anyway, the phenethylamine, as I see it, is sort of an intermediary between the universe and the physical experience.
2:04 (T+3:04)- This quote I came across:
"There were probably around 10 different paths experienced involving the creation of the universe itself, most of which are too foreign to language to properly describe. One in particular was the fractal concept of our reality or whatever you want to call it being a fragment of an electron in an atom of another universe scaled larger than ours, and the same chain repeating in both ways. This was one of the parts that was very well visualized, and making the travel between all of those places in so short a time filled me with even more energy the next time I opened my eyes." -- FlowGnome, Erowid
I've believed this for many years now, and in fact began to believe it long before I ever dreamed of ingesting psychoactive substances. To have this belief fulfilled experientially, even by another, is so awesome.
In fact, this report is very excellent and thought-provoking! I mean FlowGnome's. The concept of religion and spirituality that most people have these days is sad. How could we have descended from such great heights into this pit of self-loathing and fear and repression and guilt that so many of the organized religions impose? What about those modes of spirituality are joyful, or enlightening, or worthwhile, or good? How is it that people are satisfied and willing to impose this upon themselves? Why is it that people will, with no doubt and a straight face, believe that there exists a large, masculine, singular identity who just so happens to be in the form that we are, except in our ideal of power and beauty, who, for some reason, really seems to have it in for us, his supposedly loved creations? That we're born deep, filthy sinners? Give me a fucking break! Actually, give everyone around the world whose lives hold no joy in the hopes of an elusive future ofsalvation a break! Give those who were slaughtered in the name of this concept a break!
Anyway, it just seems odd that people would easily believe this notion, but then to consider it ludicrous that we truly exist as pure consciousness, unified with everything, doesn't it? I mean, certainly they're both rather fantastical-sounding ideas, but I think equally plausible. Well, maybe not ewually at all... how vain is that, anyway, to craft "god" in your own image? It's directly against the morality of that religion, vanity is.
It just really bothers me what an enslaving "philosophy" (and I use that term lightly) it is, and unnecessarily so. We have the capacity to be unrelentingly joyous, living each moment in the now as if we had never lived a moment before, seeing the world anew with each breath. But through suffocating hierarchies of oppression, this is squelched in order to maintain social control over the masses. But all we have to do to escape it is remember that it's not real, although to our physical selves, oppression can be, though in the case of American religion, it's not because no one is enforcing it upon you. Just to remember that all the attachments we have, everything we are, everything we were and will be, all amounts to just another of our countless journies as higher-dimensional beings, and in the end, this life is nothing but a blip in the eye of infinity, soon forgotten. That's not to say we shouldn't love the gift we've been given; no way! We should absolutely treasure the gift of physical life, because it's really glorious if you let it be! Which is why it bothers me SO MUCH that such oppression and suppression of the natural feelings of joy and wonder and excitement and pleasure, senselessly and destructively. We should live each day as if it were our only day, and live it up to its fullest! But we would also do well to remember that in the end we can just let it go, and when things seem bad, all we need to do is realize it's transient, and rise above it, because it doesn't really matter.
2:28 (T+3:28)- Which CD to play next? The Animals, Dark Side of the Moon, The Wall... it's all equally fitting. I'll go with The Animals because I rarely play that one, even though I truly enjoy it.
(continued at the bottom: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=5794281&postcount=6)
substancecode_2CI
methodcode_oral
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