Psyduck
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2008
- Messages
- 672
This trip report contains some personal and spiritual ingredients that may bore you. The story is rather long, so I added a video-fragment to spice things up. 
Mindset
Lately I have been very disoriented in my life (cf. this thread). I never toke the time to sort things out. I was convinced that it was the right time now... However, I must confess that I have been having a sleeping disorder the last couple months. Furthermore was I taking Ritalin (methylphenidate), non-recreationally, as a study-aid. One of the side-effects of this medication is that, in combination with sleep-deprivation, it causes mild depressions. The moment I started the trip I was slightly depressed...
The Cripple's Walk of Life
I toke an accurately weighed 40 mg capsule of 2C-B. I toke a shower, changed clothes, prepared my backpack and put some trance music on my Ipod. For some reason I put "Dire Straits - Walk of Life" on it too, which I found that very moment a bit ironic, but still amusing. Finally I went out for a walk to a really beautiful spot in the park, adjacent to a river, surrounded with beautiful bushes and trees,...
On my way to the park I already started to feel some of the effects. They were somehow different from those I had experienced before. My legs felt very tired and I could barely walk. I felt really cold and shivery too. I suspected these were just some of the side-effects of the 'coming-up'. I decided to proceed my walk, for some reason. Feeling more and more parallelized as time passed by, I finally arrived at the spot. I was happy I could sit down and relax. However, I was really in no mood to sort out the things I wanted to sort out. Actually, I wanted to go back home as soon as possible. I felt really bad physically. My mind was still fine. Just like a cripple I tried to move myself to the nearest bus-station. From there I managed to return to my apartment safely. When I finally reached my room, I dropped down on my bed and laid there for about one hour. I managed to take my laptop with me in bed. I felt completely numb. I couldn't move my arms or legs. I hoped it would be all over soon...
When I was lying in the dark, I saw a new email message entering my inbox from SomeKindaLove. I was able to open it. Since I had been lying in the dark for a while now, the light of the computer screen was blinding me. Also, the crazy color scheme of Bluelight made it impossible to read the message properly. I read the message the next day though. For some reason, I can't explain... and even if I could, I wouldn't, I felt much better. The numbness seemed to disappear. I could lift up my arms and legs again. Later I found out that I replied, intoxicated, that he cured me through some kind of DMT hyperspace (whatever that may be). Of course, it could have been coincidence....
The Walk of Life
I stood up and I started listening some trance music now. I just wanted to relax. The horrible past hours were over. The color-scheme of Bluelight was hitting me really hard now; really impressive. Random thoughts were now going through my head. Suddenly the song "Walk of Life" of Dire Straits started playing. This was awkward: I hadn't played that song all night. This was the first time (on psychedelics) I heard something which was not real. I decided to focus more carefully on my thoughts now...
"Stop to try control everything. Just let go!"
is what my mind said to me... This had an immense impact on me. It was so obvious now. Why do I want to control everything???
We humans are not supposed to control anything at all. We don't control the laws of physics! We don't control the destiny of our life! You don't just take some pill and assume that you will find all the answers of life. This is NOT how it works!
Sure, power feels great, knowledge is great. But they are, just like money, not the thing in life which makes you whole as a person. The following scene from the movie Fight Club was now playing in my head. It was not completely the same but most of the conversations seemed to match. I really don't know how this was possible. It had been a while since I saw that movie.
Start watching from 4:20
Some quotes
Very interesting scene. For me at least.
...
Up till now, when I hallucinated, faces (or people) popped up. When I stared very long at the same object, without looking away, I had the impression that the hallucinations were getting more serious/meaningful/emotional. Therefore, I mostly glanced away fast enough and did not stare 10 minutes at the same object. In the past, I seemed to be afraid to see something I didn't want to see. I never knew what the thing was that I didn't want to see... This time I decided to just let it go... I didn't want to be in control of my hallucinations anymore...
I was having beautiful OEVS and CEVs now. I entered a higher kind of psychedelics state; one in which I have never been before. I was seeing all kind of crazy things. Dancing trees, crocodiles, rainbows, too crazy to describe...I can finally move on to the next level. I have been saving some LSD and DMT for a month now. I finally feel that I'm ready for it.
Apparently I learned something after all: we don't control our destiny! Things like money, knowledge, power only blind us from other beautiful thing such as love and friendship on our journey.
I couldn't have said it better.
Peace
substancecode_2CB
methodcode_oral
Mindset
Lately I have been very disoriented in my life (cf. this thread). I never toke the time to sort things out. I was convinced that it was the right time now... However, I must confess that I have been having a sleeping disorder the last couple months. Furthermore was I taking Ritalin (methylphenidate), non-recreationally, as a study-aid. One of the side-effects of this medication is that, in combination with sleep-deprivation, it causes mild depressions. The moment I started the trip I was slightly depressed...
The Cripple's Walk of Life
I toke an accurately weighed 40 mg capsule of 2C-B. I toke a shower, changed clothes, prepared my backpack and put some trance music on my Ipod. For some reason I put "Dire Straits - Walk of Life" on it too, which I found that very moment a bit ironic, but still amusing. Finally I went out for a walk to a really beautiful spot in the park, adjacent to a river, surrounded with beautiful bushes and trees,...
On my way to the park I already started to feel some of the effects. They were somehow different from those I had experienced before. My legs felt very tired and I could barely walk. I felt really cold and shivery too. I suspected these were just some of the side-effects of the 'coming-up'. I decided to proceed my walk, for some reason. Feeling more and more parallelized as time passed by, I finally arrived at the spot. I was happy I could sit down and relax. However, I was really in no mood to sort out the things I wanted to sort out. Actually, I wanted to go back home as soon as possible. I felt really bad physically. My mind was still fine. Just like a cripple I tried to move myself to the nearest bus-station. From there I managed to return to my apartment safely. When I finally reached my room, I dropped down on my bed and laid there for about one hour. I managed to take my laptop with me in bed. I felt completely numb. I couldn't move my arms or legs. I hoped it would be all over soon...
When I was lying in the dark, I saw a new email message entering my inbox from SomeKindaLove. I was able to open it. Since I had been lying in the dark for a while now, the light of the computer screen was blinding me. Also, the crazy color scheme of Bluelight made it impossible to read the message properly. I read the message the next day though. For some reason, I can't explain... and even if I could, I wouldn't, I felt much better. The numbness seemed to disappear. I could lift up my arms and legs again. Later I found out that I replied, intoxicated, that he cured me through some kind of DMT hyperspace (whatever that may be). Of course, it could have been coincidence....
The Walk of Life
I stood up and I started listening some trance music now. I just wanted to relax. The horrible past hours were over. The color-scheme of Bluelight was hitting me really hard now; really impressive. Random thoughts were now going through my head. Suddenly the song "Walk of Life" of Dire Straits started playing. This was awkward: I hadn't played that song all night. This was the first time (on psychedelics) I heard something which was not real. I decided to focus more carefully on my thoughts now...
"Stop to try control everything. Just let go!"
is what my mind said to me... This had an immense impact on me. It was so obvious now. Why do I want to control everything???
We humans are not supposed to control anything at all. We don't control the laws of physics! We don't control the destiny of our life! You don't just take some pill and assume that you will find all the answers of life. This is NOT how it works!
Sure, power feels great, knowledge is great. But they are, just like money, not the thing in life which makes you whole as a person. The following scene from the movie Fight Club was now playing in my head. It was not completely the same but most of the conversations seemed to match. I really don't know how this was possible. It had been a while since I saw that movie.
Start watching from 4:20
Some quotes
- You are missing the point. This does not belong to us. We are not special.
- What do you want? Stay meta-purpose? You decide your own level of involvement!
- Fuck what you know, you need to forget about what you know. That's your problem! Forget about what you think you know.
- Guys what do you wish you had done before you die?
-Paint a self-portrait.
-Build a house.
And you? If you would die right now, how would you feel about your life?
Very interesting scene. For me at least.
...
Up till now, when I hallucinated, faces (or people) popped up. When I stared very long at the same object, without looking away, I had the impression that the hallucinations were getting more serious/meaningful/emotional. Therefore, I mostly glanced away fast enough and did not stare 10 minutes at the same object. In the past, I seemed to be afraid to see something I didn't want to see. I never knew what the thing was that I didn't want to see... This time I decided to just let it go... I didn't want to be in control of my hallucinations anymore...
I was having beautiful OEVS and CEVs now. I entered a higher kind of psychedelics state; one in which I have never been before. I was seeing all kind of crazy things. Dancing trees, crocodiles, rainbows, too crazy to describe...I can finally move on to the next level. I have been saving some LSD and DMT for a month now. I finally feel that I'm ready for it.
Apparently I learned something after all: we don't control our destiny! Things like money, knowledge, power only blind us from other beautiful thing such as love and friendship on our journey.
SomeKindaLove said:
I couldn't have said it better.
Peace substancecode_2CB
methodcode_oral
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