bunnyhentman
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2009
- Messages
- 344
I love psychedelics. While I've had difficult moments at times I've always been able to work through them and turn the experience around. I've seen other people have bad trips, and I think in several instances I've been able to help them through it. I knew that a bad trip could happen to anyone, in any circumstance, on any drug and any dosage.
However, having never had it happen to me in over ten years of experimentation I definitely didn't expect to have a completely shattering bummer on a mere 15 mg of an old batch of 2cb, a substance I've tried over 50 times.
Of course in retrospect I can see that while my setting was great (a fun party with my favorite music, lots of friends, and great decor in a venue I knew well), my set was a disaster waiting to happen. The last two weeks were really stressful for me -- money problems, work problems, family problems, and to top it off I slipped on ice and badly damaged my knee. At any other time I would have decided to forgo a psychedelic but I'd been looking forward to this event for a long time. I arranged to take the next day off work so I could party late and I wanted to make the most of it.
About 5 minutes after taking the 2cb I realized I really didn't want to trip. 15mg is a half dose for me so I figured it would just perk me up a little and make it possible for me to stay up longer. Instead as the 2cb started to come on I just felt worse and worse. I was trying not to focus on all the negative things I'd been going through. Instead, I developed an awful, heavy body load inside while outside the room became distorted, people dancing around began to look malevolent and cruel. Kind of like the ballroom scene in Labyrinth.
2 hours after taking the 2cb I went in the bathroom to throw up. While I was doing that, I had a thought I've never had before. Why am I doing this to myself? Why do I have to put up boundaries between myself and reality? That's what really set me off. I tried to find my girlfriend to tell her I was starting to have a bad trip. I felt awful because I knew I was about to ruin her evening. I ran outside without my coat to find her, and as soon as I saw her I dove into a full panic attack.
My girlfriend had taken a couple of different 2c's -- she was definitely pretty high. She walked me around the block so I could calm down but at that point I was hyperventilating and all I wanted was to abort mission. The street was unfamiliar and evil, even though I've walked down it in many states many times. I was incredibly disoriented and confused for such a low dose of 2cb. I couldn't understand how it was affecting me so strongly. I couldn't figure out what to do, how to get my coat and get home where I knew we had some valium. I've never needed to take valium to calm down a bad trip, but I'm glad I had the foresight to keep a little around for an emergency.
My girlfriend was shocked at my behavior, first suggesting I take more drugs or smoke some weed (wtf???). Then tried to get me to go sit down at a nearby friend's house for a bit. I started to agree, but panicked again and insisted she take me home. Actually, I insisted I could take myself home but I had no idea how to go about doing that.
After an infinite, whimpering cab ride we got home. Of course we couldn't find the valium and I had the chance to freak out again. I tried to take a shower but the water ran cold and convinced me the whole world was against me. My panic attack was turning into deep paranoia. Finally an old benzo was dug out of some dusty corner. I was amazed and grateful that it kicked in so quickly and calmed me right down. I'm normally a "you buy your ticket, you take your ride" kind of person but this time I would have done anything to make it stop.
As the panic wore off I felt ashamed and humbled. I considered 2cb to be the lightest, most recreational drug. I definitely didn't respect it on the level I respect LSD, psilocybin, mescaline, DMT or even other 2c's like 2ce or 2cp. Well, 2cb showed me that it's as powerful as any other psychedelic and shares the ability to force you to face your darkness whether you want to or not.
Just like I've heard other people say, the aftermath of this experience wasn't negative at all. I feel like I expelled a lot of negative energy that had been poisoning me. I learned a few lessons that night. If I'm going to continue to use these substances, I have to be more alert to my emotional state. Every day I have to act to change reality, not try to avoid it. I feel more empathetic/understanding towards people who don't like psychedelics. I learned that I can't make psychedelics play by my rules and I don't necessarily know as much as I thought I did about their rules.
I know that many people have worse bummers than this. I was able to keep my head together enough that I didn't cause a major scene. Even at its worst I knew I wasn't going to feel that way forever. If this had happened to me earlier in my experiences with drugs, I think I would have been turned off from experimenting with them to the level that I have. Now I know I'm not entitled to 100% good trips, I feel incredibly grateful for every good experience I've had.
However, having never had it happen to me in over ten years of experimentation I definitely didn't expect to have a completely shattering bummer on a mere 15 mg of an old batch of 2cb, a substance I've tried over 50 times.
Of course in retrospect I can see that while my setting was great (a fun party with my favorite music, lots of friends, and great decor in a venue I knew well), my set was a disaster waiting to happen. The last two weeks were really stressful for me -- money problems, work problems, family problems, and to top it off I slipped on ice and badly damaged my knee. At any other time I would have decided to forgo a psychedelic but I'd been looking forward to this event for a long time. I arranged to take the next day off work so I could party late and I wanted to make the most of it.
About 5 minutes after taking the 2cb I realized I really didn't want to trip. 15mg is a half dose for me so I figured it would just perk me up a little and make it possible for me to stay up longer. Instead as the 2cb started to come on I just felt worse and worse. I was trying not to focus on all the negative things I'd been going through. Instead, I developed an awful, heavy body load inside while outside the room became distorted, people dancing around began to look malevolent and cruel. Kind of like the ballroom scene in Labyrinth.
2 hours after taking the 2cb I went in the bathroom to throw up. While I was doing that, I had a thought I've never had before. Why am I doing this to myself? Why do I have to put up boundaries between myself and reality? That's what really set me off. I tried to find my girlfriend to tell her I was starting to have a bad trip. I felt awful because I knew I was about to ruin her evening. I ran outside without my coat to find her, and as soon as I saw her I dove into a full panic attack.
My girlfriend had taken a couple of different 2c's -- she was definitely pretty high. She walked me around the block so I could calm down but at that point I was hyperventilating and all I wanted was to abort mission. The street was unfamiliar and evil, even though I've walked down it in many states many times. I was incredibly disoriented and confused for such a low dose of 2cb. I couldn't understand how it was affecting me so strongly. I couldn't figure out what to do, how to get my coat and get home where I knew we had some valium. I've never needed to take valium to calm down a bad trip, but I'm glad I had the foresight to keep a little around for an emergency.
My girlfriend was shocked at my behavior, first suggesting I take more drugs or smoke some weed (wtf???). Then tried to get me to go sit down at a nearby friend's house for a bit. I started to agree, but panicked again and insisted she take me home. Actually, I insisted I could take myself home but I had no idea how to go about doing that.
After an infinite, whimpering cab ride we got home. Of course we couldn't find the valium and I had the chance to freak out again. I tried to take a shower but the water ran cold and convinced me the whole world was against me. My panic attack was turning into deep paranoia. Finally an old benzo was dug out of some dusty corner. I was amazed and grateful that it kicked in so quickly and calmed me right down. I'm normally a "you buy your ticket, you take your ride" kind of person but this time I would have done anything to make it stop.
As the panic wore off I felt ashamed and humbled. I considered 2cb to be the lightest, most recreational drug. I definitely didn't respect it on the level I respect LSD, psilocybin, mescaline, DMT or even other 2c's like 2ce or 2cp. Well, 2cb showed me that it's as powerful as any other psychedelic and shares the ability to force you to face your darkness whether you want to or not.
Just like I've heard other people say, the aftermath of this experience wasn't negative at all. I feel like I expelled a lot of negative energy that had been poisoning me. I learned a few lessons that night. If I'm going to continue to use these substances, I have to be more alert to my emotional state. Every day I have to act to change reality, not try to avoid it. I feel more empathetic/understanding towards people who don't like psychedelics. I learned that I can't make psychedelics play by my rules and I don't necessarily know as much as I thought I did about their rules.
I know that many people have worse bummers than this. I was able to keep my head together enough that I didn't cause a major scene. Even at its worst I knew I wasn't going to feel that way forever. If this had happened to me earlier in my experiences with drugs, I think I would have been turned off from experimenting with them to the level that I have. Now I know I'm not entitled to 100% good trips, I feel incredibly grateful for every good experience I've had.
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