2 weeks clean today!

[2dark2see]

I know that 2 weeks isn't much in the grand scheme of things but today marks 2 weeks since I've taken opiates. My addiction started out with just using norco 10s and when I had reached a point where I was taking 20-25 pills a day I switched over to oxys. I had stopped feeling the high from the norcos for the most part and taking oxy 30s felt great. But I soon found myself snorting ~150mg a day. That went on for awhile until I finally got tired of everything that goes along with keeping up a big oxy habit.

Initially I was able to get a hold of 7 of the 8mg suboxone strips and so 14 days ago I started taking the suboxone. I had initially planned on only using them to help with WD symptoms from going cold turkey 150mg oxy but since being on the subs my plans have changed a bit. I've seen how I still crave oxy at random times and know there have been days over this 2 week period that I would have gone back to my dealer if I hadn't already been on the subs (I stopped myself from going bc I knew that by already having taken my suboxone dose in the morning I wouldn't feel the oxys so why bother) so I've been able to work through urges that way. The subs have also really helped me get out of the daily pattern I was in with snorting oxy - I was able to break the "ritual" I was addicted to doing 5x day (basically every time I snorted oxy) and that has helped SO much.

Although I really really felt ready to quit opiates I'm still kind of surprised that I've made it to the 2 week mark. A month ago this seemed impossible. I'm aware that some people feel a person isn't really "clean" or sober if they're using suboxone, but honestly right now I don't care... this is what is working for me and helping me get my life back, and if suboxone is a part of that for awhile then that's the way it's going to be and it's just fine by me.

And although I know suboxone has made this process easier than going cold turkey, I still have hard days/hours/moments, etc. I started out on day one taking 8mg sub and now for the past few days I've been at 4mg and that dose seems to be working. I'd like to be maintaining at a lower dose, like about 2mg, but I'm not going to push it just yet considering it's only been 14 days.

This website and everyone here has been so helpful- thank you!! And to those who are contemplating sobriety I just wanted to share my early journey bc it wasn't that long ago at all that I was convinced I'd never be able to go 24 hours without oxy or norco!

 

[2dark2see]

I also wanted to mention a couple of the tools that have really helped over the past couple weeks - yes the suboxone is a big help but it doesn't take away all urges to use (at least not for me), maybe it's made them not as strong as they would have been, but it's not like suboxone has made this a walk in the park.

Anyway, I've been taking gabapentin and seroquel as needed for anxiety and sleep. And a couple days before I stopped the oxys I had started a new part time job and I've found working has helped A LOT with keeping me busy and my mind off oxy, as opposed to before when I wasn't working and couldn't get through the day without using bc I had nothing else to do.

I've also been going to DBSA meetings (depression bipolar support alliance) twice a week, and while it's not a substance abuse support group per se, many who attend have also struggled with some sort of addiction (we all know how high the numbers are of people who struggle with both addiction and some form of mental illness) and I myself have battled severe depression for a very long time. I do have a good group of friends and they all know all about my struggles with depression and anorexia, but none of them know about my opiate use.

So over these past couple weeks I've made some plans with friends, but it's been more of meeting up with them to have something to do (and to strengthen some friendships bc when I was high I preferred to stay home with my cat). I don't know if I'll ever tell my friends about my drug use - many of my friendships go back 20 years or more, so I guess as I get further along in this journey (I know I'm very much a newbie with only 14 days) I'll just see how things go.

Anyways, those are some of the things that have helped me get to 2 weeks....

 

[simco]

congrats, man (or woman)!!! two weeks off opioids is huge--an impressive accomplishment. I hope you fee plenty proud b/c you're doing great.

one side note... I hope you can let yourself off the hook a bit about whether or not using suboxone detracts from how 'clean' you are. the dogma of abstinence-only recovery approaches such as NA has traditionally forced led to feel defensive/ashamed about using tools such as subs, methadone, etc. however, in recovery, exactly what constitutes success is deeply personal. you are absolutely kicking ass. keep up the excellent work!

 

[2dark2see]

Thanks simco! I think we were both posting at the same time lol.. but I can't tell you how much what you said about suboxone use and the stigma attached to it means to me. I have second guessed myself many times when I think about using suboxone, and the fact that I do use suboxone has kept me away from looking into any type of twelve step program.

I'm not sure that would be a route I would have taken even if I wasn't taking suboxone so it's not a huge deal for me, but again, I really do appreciate everything you said - thank you!
Oh, and just an FYI I'm a woman

 

[Outsider31]

Congrats! My advice though...be careful with the gabapentin, don't take it for too long or you can have nightmarish withdrawals from that. I used gabapentin when I quit 160mg Opana ER per day. I've been using it for about the last 5 months and I'm having a hard time getting off it. If used for an extended period of time, do a slow taper to minimize discomfort. But congrats on 2 weeks opiate free, that's a big deal!

 

[TripMcnealy]

2 weeks is very good, so don't devalue what you have already done (even if you used sub to get there). I recently had my life go to shit for a bunch of reasons, and a big portion of it was due to my pain medication use getting out of control.
I took almost a month off using kratom to help control the wd symptoms, and have been succesfully controlling my intake. Pretty much needed a little reset and figure out all of the unhealthy habits and routines in my life that have built up throughout the years.
Can I ask how long you've been using? I've learned the most important thing, after realizing you have a problem, is to figure out why you use. I've taken breaks before, but this time I really looked at what was going on in my life. I really think exploring these areas will be key to maintaining your sobriety. (This is all just my opinion lol).
Be careful with subs. You should really fast taper with them, otherwise you get stuck with long acting opiate addiction instead. If you do it right you can comfortably taper completely off of them over 2 weeks-month, but if you feel the opiate blocking properties is what's keeping you from hitting up the dealer than obviously it's a better option. Nothing wrong with using tools to get you where you need to be. Congrats and good luck.

 

[Jabberwocky]

^Nice post Trip

 

[Captain.Heroin]

congrats on your progress

 

[EyesOpen]

I totally agree with Trip! 2 weeks IS a big deal off your DOC! That's awesome!

I am 64 days clean off of a 3 year sub habit (anywhere from 2 to 10 mg a day...I was always pretty inconsistent). Subs saved me from a very damaging methadone addiction but I ended up staying on them too long and abused them too. I justified it by telling myself I was in a much better place than with the methadone.

Just take the minimum amt of sub necessary and try to have a taper plan. Sub wds were not near as bad as wds I had from other opiates but tapering would have been a better plan than CT in retrospect.

You are heading in the right direction! Congrats on how far you've come!