2 months and counting...

I've made it to the 2 month mark on December the 6th, and its getting harder, NOT easier, like it use to!

My boyfriend (now ex) came to me two weeks ago asking for drugs, and I flipped out, I got clean for him, put up with all the pain and bullshit I put up with because of his pyschosis and he just doesn't care anymore, and if he ever gets better, I hope we can remain friends, but in order for me to stop being in pain, I've let go.

I probably sound like a heartless bitch, but my counselor said that the reason I am craving so much now is because subconsciously my brain says "yeah, lets do drugs because he wants to and we'll get closer together again" she is right but there is also the fact that I'm stuck at home with no money and I want to get out and go raving again!

Endless cycle of my life.

 

Not endless, if you choose to end it. As long as you don't give into it, temptation remains simply that: a temptation. You worked hard to get sober; you deserve to stay that way, and need to surround yourself with those who understand that (and distance yourself from those who don't).

 

Definintely not endless.
it CAN seem like the word 'Insanity' reads though.

'Repeating the same process over and over expecting a different result'

Kicking at a dead horse

indeed, with time will come some solace.

 

Just a thought here ... get clean for yourself. I wish you much success. But do it for yourself, not for anyone else. You're worth it; and no you do not sound like a heartless bitch, just an addict struggling .... you can do it!