so i start talkin to this hottie that i used to do drugs with alot n basically she wanted to me come over n fuck, n i have had sex in 4 months so i was all about it. when i get there, crack n heroin on the table. now this is shoulda when i jus walked out, but seeing that shit in front of me it was like i had no control what so ever. so i walk in n shes like sry about the drugs on the table, n of course me basically already high seeing the shit im like no big deal we say should get high.at first she was like no u been clean blah blah that lasted a minute n then we smoked h n crack for a cpl hrs, parents found out super let down n now i feel like a peice of shit n that im never gunna b able to stay clean for the rest of my life. n this 2 months was the longest i stayed clean
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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
2+ month clean n fucked up:(
- Thread starter kwhat
- Start date
Don't beat yourself up, that's going to do nothing productive for you. Accept that you relapsed, it shouldn't happen but it did. It's time to move on my friend, you took a turn in the wrong direction but you can certainly get back on path. You absolutely can not use again or else the obsession to use if it isn't already back will certainly be back like it never left. For future reference until you are extremely comfortable in your recovery or honestly potentially forever you need to cut out anyone you used with or reminds you of using. This is tough but you have to be selfish with your recovery my man, this is the rest of your life your trying to save you gotta realize that. I just started doing the right thing again after a 3 month speedball bender and I hate that it happened and I thoroughly destroyed my parents who were so happy I was doing the right thing only to find out I was back at it worse than ever it truly hurt. I beat myself up about it until my sponsor made me realize that if I keep dwelling on it I'll never move forward. It happened, nothing can change that but what you can change is what you do going forward. You can do this bro, just gotta truly want it which I can tell you do.
sonicwhite
Bluelighter
bro you have a good head on your shoulders even tho you messed up. I havn't had sex in 8 yr's because I am addicted to it. My testamony may touch you may not but, What 'm saying is when you put your mind to it and also from learning life skills. You would be alerted at her calling you and see the pattern. Once you see that then you can use what you learned from this experience into being more watchful......IDC if you have sex...Just you seem like you want to be clean so look out after the land mines and think with you head. The one on your shoulders.....
spork
Bluelight Crew
^Great posts. 
kwhat, You relapsed, that doesn't make you a piece of shit. That makes you human. Let it go and move on.
kwhat, You relapsed, that doesn't make you a piece of shit. That makes you human. Let it go and move on.
ad lib
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2013
- Messages
- 4,317
Relapse is part of recovery. Don't be too harsh on yourself, please.
Something that you may want to consider doing is cutting out the people from your life that you used to use drugs with. Our brains associate certain people, places, and things with drugs and that seems to trigger our brains to crave what we once had. As hard as it is, cutting these people that you used with, bought from, etc. out of your life is the best thing to do. It's near impossible to eliminate certain places, but the less potential triggers that you have available to you the easier it may be to resist temptation. I know personally if I saw my DOC in front of me I would probably either a) go crazy from the cravings and the fact that I don't use anymore, or b) give in. We're only human, we're not perfect. Paraphernalia doesn't trigger me, but if it is a potential trigger for you, I suggest removing that from your life as well.
What you can do is take this as a learning experience. You found out what can trigger you to make you use again, so in the future avoid situations/potential situations like this. It's nothing to beat yourself up over. Just accept the fact that it happened and put it in the past. Now that you know what triggers you, you are more apt to avoid those types of situations in the future.
Something that you may want to consider doing is cutting out the people from your life that you used to use drugs with. Our brains associate certain people, places, and things with drugs and that seems to trigger our brains to crave what we once had. As hard as it is, cutting these people that you used with, bought from, etc. out of your life is the best thing to do. It's near impossible to eliminate certain places, but the less potential triggers that you have available to you the easier it may be to resist temptation. I know personally if I saw my DOC in front of me I would probably either a) go crazy from the cravings and the fact that I don't use anymore, or b) give in. We're only human, we're not perfect. Paraphernalia doesn't trigger me, but if it is a potential trigger for you, I suggest removing that from your life as well.
What you can do is take this as a learning experience. You found out what can trigger you to make you use again, so in the future avoid situations/potential situations like this. It's nothing to beat yourself up over. Just accept the fact that it happened and put it in the past. Now that you know what triggers you, you are more apt to avoid those types of situations in the future.
thanks for the support everyone, the hardest thing for me is too jus remove all my friends outta my life since not everyone was an addict, had a lot of super close friends who jus drink n smoke n go to festivs n thats the hardest for me is to jus never talk to em again but i feel like i have too. im thinkin about going away to college this fall jus to get outta my town n meet new people where no one knows my past. i know geographical changes dont fix things cuz u always bring yourself with you but i feel like its the best thing i can at this time. i live in a smaller town n its like whenever i go into town its like i sold drugs there, shot up there, pretty much everywhere n its like fuck get me outta here .
sonicwhite
Bluelighter
It seems you have a fear that your going to relapse.....All I can say from that is I have it to but it gets easier in time.....Like facing it...I mean moving prolly would help you as long as you don't feed the desire and don't go looking for trouble. I have an addiction to pain pills....and I am just to lazy to go get them so resisting builds your inner conscience to where you know the pain your feeling now. It's kinda like that but when you get tempted and that is a alert that you should run from it....I know it's hard. My friends said I was stuck up and hated me for ditching them but hey I'm a new person and there banging meth.....Not that I'm judging anymoe. They just didn't do that before and I'm showing you that drug addiction just feeds off itself and the more you surrond yourself with the wrong crowd. The moretempting it becomes. I'm here for you and rooting you on. I'm not bashing you. Two months is very good.
spork
Bluelight Crew
^That sounds like the way it was in the town that I grew up in. I ended up moving to a bigger city with more drugs, but because there was more choices I was able to resist the temptation and for the most part keep away from them. Going to school helps a lot too because it keeps me busy and I want to do well. Do what you think is best for you. A fresh start might be just what you need.
RedLeader
Bluelight Crew
My relapses are always initially due to females. Which is ironic because after a few days back on the h, sex is the last thing on my mind. But the lesson is to STAY AWAY FROM USING FEMALES. Not only will they relapse, but they will have something you need, like a good dealer or a car, and they will use this to middleman the hell out of you. It won't seem that bad at first, since your tolerance is low, but pretty soon you ate spending X a day on her and 2X on yourself and you are stuck physically hooked. BAD!
Just start over. I think you will find that the second two months go by way faster than the first two. Good luck, I know how you feel.
Just start over. I think you will find that the second two months go by way faster than the first two. Good luck, I know how you feel.
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Just be sure your confident in your recovery before you go to college man cause as you know drugs are EVERYWHERE esp at colleges. I just went back to school in january after taking ~6 months off and came in with around 3 months clean. I found a good connect out there by chance and next thing I know I'm in a 3 month relapse that was 100x worse than my addiction before, and I'm taking leave now because of it. College can be stressful and tempting since it seems like everyone wants to party but if you can find the cool people who don't want to party you'll still have a great time.
My relapses were centered around women as well. The fact stands though that they didn't put the dope in my body, I did. I was just looking for an excuse to use honestly and I found it. A hot chick to sleep with and dope to make me feel good? Sounds like an addicts wet dream. But of course we all gotta wake up and we wake up realizing what we just did. We gotta dust ourselves off and get back in the saddle. No poor me. No blaming the girl. It was my fault for setting up the scenario. First thing we learn to do is change our people, places, and things which you obviously didn't do. I gave up my fiance and also another girl I loved to stay clean. My fiance said we could stay together if I still smoked but I know that wouldn't work out for me. Focus on yourself for a bit and forget about women for now. No one has died from lack of sex, though they may hurt themselves if they're out of lotion 
Tl;Dr
Change your people, places, and things, dust yourself off, and get back into recovery. You'll be alright my friend.
Tl;Dr
Change your people, places, and things, dust yourself off, and get back into recovery. You'll be alright my friend.