trippingguy83
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2012
- Messages
- 10
First off I want to say thank you for reading this. If you actually get through it I thank you. I almost feel like I'm using a lot of words to absolutley nothing. If you can further offer insight and suggestions on how I can get over, I can't thank you enough. Can the scars be healed 8 years later? Whatever...here goes nothing
One of the reasons I finally registered was to talk about my experience with 2-ct-2. Unfortunately, the experience ended being the most traumatic event of my life. I suffered 2 concussions and many parts of the trip were blacked out.
I had the "fortunate" experience of having a flashback to that trip while tripping on shrooms last week. I wish I could talk about the first trip in more vivid detail.
I can say it was by far the most visual trip I've ever had. The shrooms I did last week actually produced SOME of the similar visuals which is probably part of the reason I had a flashback, but I will get to that later. That, and both times I do remember that I had the thought of "Oh shit...I'm tripping harder than I wanted to"
My experiences with psychedelics are as follows
2003, 20 years old, an 8th of mushrooms (eaten) - First time tripping, visuals are weak, trip lasted 4 hours or so. Some introspection but all in all a pretty uneventful experience.
2c-i, circa late 2003, (snorted) 5 to 7 mgs - Once again a very weak trip, some images while staring at clouds, minor euphoria, giggles. fun but once again uneventful.
2-ct-2, circa early 2004 (snorted) about 10 mgs - This trip I feel. Minor nausea for the first 20 mins or so. Minor visuals in the dark, like smoke figures but very mechanical. Some tracer effects, and some introspection. This also caused me to get arrested for DWI. I attribute this to my irresponsible nature towards hard drugs.
2-ci, circa early 2004 (snorted) about 10-15 mgs - By this time I feel I am beginning to be more experienced with hallucinogens. Audio and visuals seem to be related. Noticed concentric squares that look similar to those black and white optical illusions. I suppose you could descibe them as geometric. I go home later and stare at a lava lamp...I am able to control the lava lamp to a degree. I can break the blocks apart and reform them in geometrical shapes. I think I'm beginng to get the hang of this tripping thing.... Of course in retrospect I realize just how much of a fool I was. Nothing could have prepared me for...
2-ct-2, circa early 2004 (snorted) 20-25 mgs - I was not prepared for this. I heard plenty of stories of people freaking out on this stuff as well as having nausea and vomitting. I had never had a problem as far as my body was concerned. This led me to foolishly think I could handle double snorted dose. This fool thought he knew a thing or two about psychedelics. This fool was wrong. I wish I could describe the trip in detail but I can only remember bits and pieces. I remember the setting was NOT at good. I had just been arrested prior a couple weeks ago as a result of 2-ct-2. This led to irrational but paranoid feelings about the friends I was with. I thought they were mad and were planning to do something bad to me because I had rationlized in my mind that they thought I was going to rat on them. Suddnely, I'm thinking they are going to kill me.
2005 - present - 2-ct-2 left me afraid of psychedelics for over a year. Finally I decide to trip on acid. I have tripped a few times on "acid" or at least what I think was acid. one or two hits each time. The second time on acid I experience a minor point in the trip that almost beings me back to 2-ct-2 but I am able to suppress it. The general theme of death and universal existence being wiped and time "making sense." Thankfully it doesnt last long though much of the trip has me feeling anxious.
I should mention that on 2-ct-2 the comeup was almost fairly pleasant. the craziest visuals I've ever had. Light patterns from the trippy toys (like the ones you find at spencers) moving in a very mechanical fashion, and I am able to control them to a degree similar to 2c-i (is that open eye visuals?) Every single object was moving, being distorted in that cartoony fashion similar to mushrooms. I noticed my friend crushing up ice against the wall, banging it with something then throwing the pieces across the floor. Rainbow streaks follow the path of the ice crystals being flung. My friend hands me one of those rubber squeeze toys. I squeeeeeeeeeze with my right hand (I think it was my right lol) and I can "see" the whole right side of my vision being grossly distored, so there is very strong sensory distortion.
I now realize I am tripping really hard. I become extremely delusional. Its hard to remember whats going in my head but at some point (this is really embarassing) I think I can fly. And so I tried...to fly...out the window. I bump my head against the glass. Concussion number 1. So far this trip is not going well. My friends show their concern, but soon after the paranoid feelings crept their way back. Things are starting to happen in waves. At some point, I think to myself that I had died. My friends had just killed me, and I am dead. All I have to do is accept it. But I try to fight it. "I'm NOT dead" I tell to myself. I vaguely remember it being a seesaw battle with my friends subdueing me, calming me down, only to have me freak out again a few seconds later and me trying to fight it. Like i mentioned everything is happening in waves. My reality is practically gone. I have revealed some of my darkest secrets. (to this day i am still unsure WHAT was going on in my head or if my friends were condemning me for my secrets....) I calm down by trying desparately to accept that I am dead...but something isnt letting me. I tell myself that continuing to live is simply an illusion, a lesson disguised as an illusion, and somehow I must learn something before I can "move on." simply accepting that I am dead is difficult. "its not fair" i say to myself and I try ot fight. I bounce between pretending that I am accepting death to genuinely thinking that I want to accept death. And the fear is weird...I seem to bounce between two main fears (as well as many in between) the fear that I'm dead...and the fear that I am stuck in this world until I can learn a lesson that I will never learn. Eventually, my friend...knocks me out. I don't remember him hitting me. concussion number 2...this trip is NOT going well...
eventually I come down, through waves. I struggle a little bit but eventually I am "normal" with a goose sized bump on my forehead. I have a headache. I just want to go home.
There are some details of this trip I dont wanna reveal so I apologize for being very vague. I realize that leaving these details out probably has SEVERELY affected my ability to overcome and move past this traumatic experience. I dont know if I will ever be able to, because it involves the awkward situation of confronting one of my friends and reliving what I want to forget. I feel like the only way I could sit down with him would be to have some mdma or something. He is not a bad person overall, though he himself has had a dark past. He was known to be violent. I knew this before I tripped with him. I harbor deep feelings of resent towards him, though I know that it was 99% my fault for my bad trip.
The trip mostly revolves around the grand anxieties I have in life. It generally focused on time and death, belief in god, no god. Which kinda brings me to the shroom trip last week. I eat an 8th of shrooms and once again I find Im about the trip harder than I expected. I'm lying in my room and when I start to trip hard I curl up in my bed. I start to "remember" my 2-ct-2 trip. Phrases repeat themselves from my first trip. I try to tell myself that I am tripping. But "tripping" doesnt mean that I ate mushrooms and will eventually be alright. "tripping" means that again...I am dead...and life is an illusion. I try to keep telling myself that I am tripping but it doesnt work. My mind rationalizes just like it did on 2-ct-2. These thoughts themselves are becoming part of the nightmare. Bits of phrases from the last trip are repeating themselves.
"You can tell yourself whatever you want....."
I try to tell myself that I am simply remembering the 2-ct-2 trip because the experience is so similar...I eventually come again i waves...
Wow....sorry for the ridiculous post. Sorry that my old brain can't chronicle this experience into something more constructive and orgainzed. This post is about as messed up as my head. I flip flop between wanting to remember and analyze these trips because I do get bits and pieces of insight about my life...but I am too distracted by the emtional scarring which makes me just want to leave it behind. I want to thank you if you were actually able to get through the jumbled mess. If you have any suggestions on how I can organize and analyze my experiences so that they are more understanble I would appreciate it. I dont know if I could ever reveal the specifics of some of my thoughts. I feel there is only one person I could do that with but I am still traumatized 8 years later. I asked one of the other guys I was with dring the trip who is no longer in my area (2-ct-2) and all he did was pat me on the back, reassure me that I was just fucked up, and that it was okay. When I asked him what happened exactly, he mainly just talked about how I would be calm for a min...then freak the fuck out. A lot of help he was....
I think the main thing is how I can recover from this? I had flashbacks or ptsd....im not sure...about a year after the trip...mainly from marijuana. One flashback happened while sober. They lasted less than 2 min each time. Had one minor flashback on "acid" or what I was told was acid. Still not sure. And most recently the flasback I describe in my shroom trip. I very much want to explore psycehdelics in the future. I am 29 now and I feel I am a bit more responsible about this kind of thing, but the recent shroom experience leaves me with doubts. Perhaps (though it pains me to say) I might have to give up on psychedelics, or atleast tripping really hard. But part of me really would like to heal this part of my life so that I can explore the potential of my mind, but I feel like if I ever trip that hard i'm going to go into psychosis again.
One of the reasons I finally registered was to talk about my experience with 2-ct-2. Unfortunately, the experience ended being the most traumatic event of my life. I suffered 2 concussions and many parts of the trip were blacked out.
I had the "fortunate" experience of having a flashback to that trip while tripping on shrooms last week. I wish I could talk about the first trip in more vivid detail.
I can say it was by far the most visual trip I've ever had. The shrooms I did last week actually produced SOME of the similar visuals which is probably part of the reason I had a flashback, but I will get to that later. That, and both times I do remember that I had the thought of "Oh shit...I'm tripping harder than I wanted to"
My experiences with psychedelics are as follows
2003, 20 years old, an 8th of mushrooms (eaten) - First time tripping, visuals are weak, trip lasted 4 hours or so. Some introspection but all in all a pretty uneventful experience.
2c-i, circa late 2003, (snorted) 5 to 7 mgs - Once again a very weak trip, some images while staring at clouds, minor euphoria, giggles. fun but once again uneventful.
2-ct-2, circa early 2004 (snorted) about 10 mgs - This trip I feel. Minor nausea for the first 20 mins or so. Minor visuals in the dark, like smoke figures but very mechanical. Some tracer effects, and some introspection. This also caused me to get arrested for DWI. I attribute this to my irresponsible nature towards hard drugs.
2-ci, circa early 2004 (snorted) about 10-15 mgs - By this time I feel I am beginning to be more experienced with hallucinogens. Audio and visuals seem to be related. Noticed concentric squares that look similar to those black and white optical illusions. I suppose you could descibe them as geometric. I go home later and stare at a lava lamp...I am able to control the lava lamp to a degree. I can break the blocks apart and reform them in geometrical shapes. I think I'm beginng to get the hang of this tripping thing.... Of course in retrospect I realize just how much of a fool I was. Nothing could have prepared me for...
2-ct-2, circa early 2004 (snorted) 20-25 mgs - I was not prepared for this. I heard plenty of stories of people freaking out on this stuff as well as having nausea and vomitting. I had never had a problem as far as my body was concerned. This led me to foolishly think I could handle double snorted dose. This fool thought he knew a thing or two about psychedelics. This fool was wrong. I wish I could describe the trip in detail but I can only remember bits and pieces. I remember the setting was NOT at good. I had just been arrested prior a couple weeks ago as a result of 2-ct-2. This led to irrational but paranoid feelings about the friends I was with. I thought they were mad and were planning to do something bad to me because I had rationlized in my mind that they thought I was going to rat on them. Suddnely, I'm thinking they are going to kill me.
2005 - present - 2-ct-2 left me afraid of psychedelics for over a year. Finally I decide to trip on acid. I have tripped a few times on "acid" or at least what I think was acid. one or two hits each time. The second time on acid I experience a minor point in the trip that almost beings me back to 2-ct-2 but I am able to suppress it. The general theme of death and universal existence being wiped and time "making sense." Thankfully it doesnt last long though much of the trip has me feeling anxious.
I should mention that on 2-ct-2 the comeup was almost fairly pleasant. the craziest visuals I've ever had. Light patterns from the trippy toys (like the ones you find at spencers) moving in a very mechanical fashion, and I am able to control them to a degree similar to 2c-i (is that open eye visuals?) Every single object was moving, being distorted in that cartoony fashion similar to mushrooms. I noticed my friend crushing up ice against the wall, banging it with something then throwing the pieces across the floor. Rainbow streaks follow the path of the ice crystals being flung. My friend hands me one of those rubber squeeze toys. I squeeeeeeeeeze with my right hand (I think it was my right lol) and I can "see" the whole right side of my vision being grossly distored, so there is very strong sensory distortion.
I now realize I am tripping really hard. I become extremely delusional. Its hard to remember whats going in my head but at some point (this is really embarassing) I think I can fly. And so I tried...to fly...out the window. I bump my head against the glass. Concussion number 1. So far this trip is not going well. My friends show their concern, but soon after the paranoid feelings crept their way back. Things are starting to happen in waves. At some point, I think to myself that I had died. My friends had just killed me, and I am dead. All I have to do is accept it. But I try to fight it. "I'm NOT dead" I tell to myself. I vaguely remember it being a seesaw battle with my friends subdueing me, calming me down, only to have me freak out again a few seconds later and me trying to fight it. Like i mentioned everything is happening in waves. My reality is practically gone. I have revealed some of my darkest secrets. (to this day i am still unsure WHAT was going on in my head or if my friends were condemning me for my secrets....) I calm down by trying desparately to accept that I am dead...but something isnt letting me. I tell myself that continuing to live is simply an illusion, a lesson disguised as an illusion, and somehow I must learn something before I can "move on." simply accepting that I am dead is difficult. "its not fair" i say to myself and I try ot fight. I bounce between pretending that I am accepting death to genuinely thinking that I want to accept death. And the fear is weird...I seem to bounce between two main fears (as well as many in between) the fear that I'm dead...and the fear that I am stuck in this world until I can learn a lesson that I will never learn. Eventually, my friend...knocks me out. I don't remember him hitting me. concussion number 2...this trip is NOT going well...
eventually I come down, through waves. I struggle a little bit but eventually I am "normal" with a goose sized bump on my forehead. I have a headache. I just want to go home.
There are some details of this trip I dont wanna reveal so I apologize for being very vague. I realize that leaving these details out probably has SEVERELY affected my ability to overcome and move past this traumatic experience. I dont know if I will ever be able to, because it involves the awkward situation of confronting one of my friends and reliving what I want to forget. I feel like the only way I could sit down with him would be to have some mdma or something. He is not a bad person overall, though he himself has had a dark past. He was known to be violent. I knew this before I tripped with him. I harbor deep feelings of resent towards him, though I know that it was 99% my fault for my bad trip.
The trip mostly revolves around the grand anxieties I have in life. It generally focused on time and death, belief in god, no god. Which kinda brings me to the shroom trip last week. I eat an 8th of shrooms and once again I find Im about the trip harder than I expected. I'm lying in my room and when I start to trip hard I curl up in my bed. I start to "remember" my 2-ct-2 trip. Phrases repeat themselves from my first trip. I try to tell myself that I am tripping. But "tripping" doesnt mean that I ate mushrooms and will eventually be alright. "tripping" means that again...I am dead...and life is an illusion. I try to keep telling myself that I am tripping but it doesnt work. My mind rationalizes just like it did on 2-ct-2. These thoughts themselves are becoming part of the nightmare. Bits of phrases from the last trip are repeating themselves.
"You can tell yourself whatever you want....."
I try to tell myself that I am simply remembering the 2-ct-2 trip because the experience is so similar...I eventually come again i waves...
Wow....sorry for the ridiculous post. Sorry that my old brain can't chronicle this experience into something more constructive and orgainzed. This post is about as messed up as my head. I flip flop between wanting to remember and analyze these trips because I do get bits and pieces of insight about my life...but I am too distracted by the emtional scarring which makes me just want to leave it behind. I want to thank you if you were actually able to get through the jumbled mess. If you have any suggestions on how I can organize and analyze my experiences so that they are more understanble I would appreciate it. I dont know if I could ever reveal the specifics of some of my thoughts. I feel there is only one person I could do that with but I am still traumatized 8 years later. I asked one of the other guys I was with dring the trip who is no longer in my area (2-ct-2) and all he did was pat me on the back, reassure me that I was just fucked up, and that it was okay. When I asked him what happened exactly, he mainly just talked about how I would be calm for a min...then freak the fuck out. A lot of help he was....
I think the main thing is how I can recover from this? I had flashbacks or ptsd....im not sure...about a year after the trip...mainly from marijuana. One flashback happened while sober. They lasted less than 2 min each time. Had one minor flashback on "acid" or what I was told was acid. Still not sure. And most recently the flasback I describe in my shroom trip. I very much want to explore psycehdelics in the future. I am 29 now and I feel I am a bit more responsible about this kind of thing, but the recent shroom experience leaves me with doubts. Perhaps (though it pains me to say) I might have to give up on psychedelics, or atleast tripping really hard. But part of me really would like to heal this part of my life so that I can explore the potential of my mind, but I feel like if I ever trip that hard i'm going to go into psychosis again.
