...100 peices

[neverwas]

this isnt bout what/who you will think it is.



theres a lump growing bigger
its lodged inside my throat.
i try to sip my tea and think happy thoughts.
i try to think positive
and smile and give myself a fake nod.

sitting here a hundred thoughts in my head.
how i cant do anything right.
how everything i try to do,
turns to shit in my hands.

but everything seems so fake right now.
how can i hold on to something that was never there?
an emptyness grows with the lump,
that gets bigger in my throat.
i want something solid.

i want what was never there...

i want it to stop
i want to will it all away.
but if i show the tears it brings
they all will laugh
you're not cut out for this. you're not even right.
id rather die, than live another day.
white flag goes up...
surrender and die.
give up the fight.

i cried the other day because i felt lonely.
i cried the other night because i was happy.
my cup of tea is going cold right now.
im crying because to you,

i am nothing...

everything seems to backfire,
in one way or certainly in another.
im always strong for everyone else.
but to war again?
my solidier can not march on.

so she builds a wall firmly around her.
to keep out the ones whom said they would never hurt her.
repatition
routine
it always ends the same.

with something good,
always follows something bad...
with something beautiful...
something insaine.

 

[E-girl]

but to war again?
my solidier can not march on.

so she builds a wall firmly around her.
to keep out the ones whom said they would never hurt her.

yeah hon but you cant shut yourself off from the world.... if you cant keep on trusting, even after people have hurt you, then what good is a life where you trust no one?

i used to be the most naive person in the world. i would trust everyone until they gave me a reason not to. but then i got hurt too badly, over and over, and i adopted a new motto -- everyone has to EARN my trust.

but i've found that's no way to live. life doesnt come with any guarantees that you wont get hurt. getting hurt is a lesson in itself, but dont let it break you or defeat you. just get up and face life again.

i've been feeling this way a lot lately too -- like i cant do anything right, and i'm so alone. but all you have to do is look around -- and you're not.

especially not here. [hug]

 

[neverwas]

everyone has to EARN my trust.

that motto is in my life to.

i've been feeling this way a lot lately too -- like i cant do anything right, and i'm so alone. but all you have to do is look around -- and you're not.

especially not here.

thanx for that that was touching to read.

i know im not 'alone' i have awesome people around me. but sometimes i just feel like im not enough for them.

i have great friends and i live with the most awesome guy ive ever known

i guess i just think to much

*hugs*

 

[frostyangel]

*tear* I wub you

i guess i just think to much

ditto

 

[Chaotic Action Man]

i cried the other day because i felt lonely.
i cried the other night because i was happy.
my cup of tea is going cold right now.
im crying because to you,

i am nothing...

like all your works this is really powerful stuff. i quote this stanza only because it rings so close to home. i keep wondering when my eyes are going to run out of water.

 

[neverwas]

wow thanx guys ur replies seem to always make me feel a lil better.

 

[EverythingsEventual]

I tried to find the best bits of this to quote that I identify with... but honestly, I couldn't pick and choose!

Everything about this piece is the way I was feeling only a few weeks ago, and I'm still feeling it to an extent although I think I'm now moving on from it.