Yes, that's a big gripe for me as well. The idea of bigotry has been weaponized by the left. They confuse preference with hatred (transphobia, bigotry, racism, etc).
The word transphobia gets tossed around way too lightly and arbitrarily.
I have no problem with trans people, I support them on almost everything, I give them their due respect... but I would never date one for any reason even if I found them objectively attractive.
I don't even need to explain why not, because it doesn't fucking matter. I like the color green, nobody asks me WHY I like green and not purple. Because it doesn't even matter and ultimately none of their business.
If I were to sum up my criticism of trans people it would be that they expect their life choices and expectations, which go against established normality, to be immune from criticism. Sorry, life doesn't work that way.
Things or people that go against established norms are subject to harsh opinions. That's math, not hatred.
I might as well call anyone who judges me for being an alcoholic a hateful bigot. I was born this way (?). You don't want to date me or hang out because I drink alcohol? Is that hateful? No.
I've had many male gay friends in my life. I've been hit on from them many times. I've never been called homophobic for saying no, sorry, I'm straight.
As I've said before, I think the trans movement could learn a thing or two from LGB people and their successful movement in the 80s/90s. Seek legal equality, not social equality. Find your own space socially. I think gay people pulled that off gracefully.
Ultimately, I think the trans movement has some growing pains to deal with, both figuratively and literally.
I very much agree with you. I believe in some cases the confusion of preference with hatred or criticism with hatred is innocent and a product of being young, confused and mislead. However I believe in a lot of cases, especially when it comes to those in the media, certain activists or the wealthy people pushing these agendas it is very much intentional. Words like "transphobic", "homophobic" and "racist" are being used to shut down discussion. They won't hesitate to change the definition of these words, or make up new ones (as Dave Chappelle pointed out) to win arguments. They have successfully hijacked compassion and goodwill.
For example, no one wants to be labeled a racist, so the instinct is to do everything in one's power to deny being a racist if one is called such rather than to provide a philosophical explanation for why preferring one's own race in certain situations might actually make sense and not violate any moral principles.
The irony to me is the fact that the supposed tolerant people, who just don't want to be bullied, seem to think it's perfectly ok to bully anyone who questions their ideology. I just don't see how it makes sense to bully people into accepting an ideology that is supposedly all about acceptance anti-bullying.