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Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

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I woke up this morning
determined to ride my bike again,
eat right and exercise...
But that was 8 hours
ago...when I was younger
and full of hope.

We do this. ❤♡👍🏼☺🕊
Keep trying. You can quit anytime but you always have to keep going !
 
Quitting (smoking) weed and alcohol today. I have a couple of weed brownies and some etizolam to get me through the week... but I'm so fucking bored right now. I'm going to have some acid.

EDIT: Well, fuck me, that was a bad idea. Now I'm peaking on acid while peaking on weed withdrawals. Brilliant. I'm a fucking idiot.

There are three brownies left before ground zero. I'm really not handling myself well today. I think I'm going to take some time off work for this one.

I'm also about two weeks into suddenly coming of dexamphetamine.
 
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birdup said:
Quitting (smoking) weed and alcohol today. I have a couple of weed brownies and some etizolam to get me through the week... but I'm so fucking bored right now. I'm going to have some acid.

EDIT: Well, fuck me, that was a bad idea. Now I'm peaking on acid while peaking on weed withdrawals. Brilliant. I'm a fucking idiot.

There are three brownies left before ground zero. I'm really not handling myself well today. I think I'm going to take some time off work for this one.

I'm also about two weeks into suddenly coming of dexamphetamine.
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I hope you're doing okay dude. Good on you for deciding to stop drinking and smoking weed!
 
Meditating just now I recognize the danger of my violent insanity but my most risky hatred is mainly for evil exploiters and tycoons at least?
 
n3ophy7e said:
Coming down from acid can be difficult at the best of times. Try again tomorrow :) <3
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My first time was the hardest I think SSRIs I was dabbling with not sure I took them daily as prescribed intensified the serotonergic drain became mute and lifeless for the rest of the night was fourth of July it sucked it was the happiest time of my life with three high school friends pristine Spiderman in a gorgeous park amazing trip my best despite the worst comedown
 
chinup said:
not drank yesterday or the day before. had mild cravings but nothing too serious. nice to feel properly rested.
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So I wasn't planning on it then about three I wrote down at work go to a meeting at seven didn't happen had three beers by then with two drinks yet to come but I cannot blame blue collar manual labor for this substance use any further the abuse makes it harder for sure and prevents me from getting skilled like someone working with his hands here but happy to

 
Well, tomorrow (morning lol) marks 2 weeks without alcohol.

Some days, read moments, are more challenging than others but overall its been alright.
Weed helps to an extent. It satiates my desire to be altered and doesnt produce a hangover (to the same degree anyways.

Now to start adding healthy activities into my routine
Then onto quitting nicotine

But for now one thing at a time
 
Zero days clean again. Fucking blah…

someone above mentioned how alcohol makes you depressed. It’s so true.

to the people who actually are clean and sober how do you do it? I can’t seem to get it and it takes so much out of me every attempt.

Is the only way 12 steps? People talk about “doing the work” or you won’t succeed? Do people think this is true?

now my dad is in a nursing home that has taken a lot of stress off my mum. I want to come clean and say I need to go get professional treatment because I’ll either be in the same position in another 10 years, or OD or whatever. We had a discussion about how she thought I wasn’t doing too well but I said I was fine as there was so much for her to worry about already.

but yeh keep trying everyone!

I’ll try be more supportive to people when I’m not so mentally drained.
 
Blankenstein said:
Zero days clean again. Fucking blah…

someone above mentioned how alcohol makes you depressed. It’s so true.

to the people who actually are clean and sober how do you do it? I can’t seem to get it and it takes so much out of me every attempt.

Is the only way 12 steps? People talk about “doing the work” or you won’t succeed? Do people think this is true?

now my dad is in a nursing home that has taken a lot of stress off my mum. I want to come clean and say I need to go get professional treatment because I’ll either be in the same position in another 10 years, or OD or whatever. We had a discussion about how she thought I wasn’t doing too well but I said I was fine as there was so much for her to worry about already.

but yeh keep trying everyone!

I’ll try be more supportive to people when I’m not so mentally drained.
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That's the age old question for sure. How do we stop doing drugs and alcohol and how do we not go back. No genius here but I firmly believe now that the only way is you simply have to want it bad enough and work at it daily. Things can help along the way like therapy or rehab but most don't really want to quit yet and that's why they go back.

They THINK they want to quit. And they KNOW they should quit. But in the end none of us quit until we have had enough. When we are truly ready to quit, we will. Because we will be done. And you will have cravings, and you will feel out of sorts for awhile, and you will struggle to do everyday things. But if you really want to be done, you will be and we find other things to occupy our time besides our addictions and desires.

Only took me 30 years to realize this so there's that. Hope it doesn't take you as long. Only when we can start to hate drugs ( and our life on them ) more than we love the high will we ever be successful.

Rehabs and therapists only work for those that are on board 100% and committed to quit. And work the program. Otherwise, we get a little smarter from having been in those programs but will ultimately relapse because we just weren't ready after all.
 
Pumpkin2021 said:
That's the age old question for sure. How do we stop doing drugs and alcohol and how do we not go back. No genius here but I firmly believe now that the only way is you simply have to want it bad enough and work at it daily. Things can help along the way like therapy or rehab but most don't really want to quit yet and that's why they go back.

They THINK they want to quit. And they KNOW they should quit. But in the end none of us quit until we have had enough. When we are truly ready to quit, we will. Because we will be done. And you will have cravings, and you will feel out of sorts for awhile, and you will struggle to do everyday things. But if you really want to be done, you will be and we find other things to occupy our time besides our addictions and desires.

Only took me 30 years to realize this so there's that. Hope it doesn't take you as long. Only when we can start to hate drugs ( and our life on them ) more than we love the high will we ever be successful.

Rehabs and therapists only work for those that are on board 100% and committed to quit. And work the program. Otherwise, we get a little smarter from having been in those programs but will ultimately relapse because we just weren't ready after all.
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How did you know you’d had enough?

because I’m at the end of my tether. I’ve felt like I’ve had enough so many times and it crushes me more everytime I go back to using.

I don’t see this as being an option to continue existing. Feels like ground hog day and ground hog day is a nightmare.

but hey there are moments of light and there are people that are worse off than me so fuck it whatever I’ll keep trying.
 
Blankenstein said:
How did you know you’d had enough?

because I’m at the end of my tether. I’ve felt like I’ve had enough so many times and it crushes me more everytime I go back to using.

I don’t see this as being an option to continue existing. Feels like ground hog day and ground hog day is a nightmare.

but hey there are moments of light and there are people that are worse off than me so fuck it whatever I’ll keep trying.
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We all, as individuals just know when we have had enough. You'll know too.

I'm telling ya you just don't hate it bad enough yet. Ever tried turning all that anger towards the drugs you use? Instead of hating yourself for using every day.....hate the drug instead.

I know you think it's corny and just rehab bullshit propaganda but you just will not stop using until you say enough is enough. There isn't anyone holding a gun to your head forcing you to use. Free will, man. Once we experience the luxury of saying NO.....we never go back.
 
I'm really pissed off now, been sober as a judge still and got my blood pressure down to a normal level the other week after it had been high. So I was chuffed with myself because I had been really doing my best to eat healthy and haven't been drinking much caffeine. Then today I go in and it's even higher than ever. Think it's anxiety related but I honestly don't know what else to do because I take CBD and am practicing meditation and I have been this way forever. Although am going through stressful time emotionally. Been getting really dizzy and weak a lot. A lot of that could be to do with havin low folic acid levels. Going to the gym etc. If all this doesn't work I dunno what I'm gonna do. Got a monitor for at home this week. Ah well, moan over, haha.
Blankenstein said:
How did you know you’d had enough?

I don’t see this as being an option to continue existing. Feels like ground hog day and ground hog day is a nightmare.
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I was extremely depressed and was physically ill to the point I couldn't function and everything was a mess. Also although I've not achieved much so far I'm ambitious and there's things I want to do other than drink. And I hated how I actually needed it rather than enjoyed and could choose when I drank towards the end. I also had no cash for other things I like and it was getting worse. I didn't even realise the damage that I was doing to my brain untill I started to get a bit of a clearer head a few weeks after maybe. You lose so many vitamins when you drink loads regularly. I swapped it to begin with with far too much coffee. you physically addicted? I can't imagine detoxing myself and going through physical and mental withdrawals over and over. Are you taking vitamin b12? Anyway - hope you get where you want to be.
 
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@Blankenstein so sorry you're having such a hard time. absolutely do get professional help. if nothing changes, nothing changes. so you need to do something differently.

as for 'putting the work in' even within the context of 12 step fellowships i never viewed it as just doing the steps. that would be one component of it if you were going that route, but you need a holistic approach. good diet, exercise, sleep, therapy, something fun, something creative, mutual support ideally irl,

until i started drinking again i had 2 years almost completely clean from all substances. 3 lapses in that whole time. and after the first 7 months which were extremely difficult as i had a lot of shit to work on and my brain took a long time to process and rebalance itself, it was just normal. i got to the hallowed ground of mostly never wanting to use and if i did it was easy not to. but that first 7 months, i fucking put the work in. my recovery occupied about 2 full time jobs worth of hours. i was doing recovery activities every fucking day. in the week i was out by 8.30 most days. i spent an inordinate amount of time on public transport getting between meetings and stuff.

and apparently that amount of work wasn't enough cos here i am. but my life is inordinately better than it was.

@iTry91 that's annoying about blood pressure. i've been having mine taken semi regularly and it does vary quite significantly. can you take a folic acid supplement? are you eating enough? feeling dizzy and weak sounds more like low blood pressure, i used to get it a lot when i was barely eating. have you spoken to your doc about all this?

i am feeling a bit odd today. very confused by some medical testing i've been having done. starting to get a bit paranoid that either there's something really wrong with me, or its actually all in my head despite multiple medical professionals having witnessed the symptoms.
 
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