bongdong
Bluelighter
Hey @chinup, I don't have all the details of your eating - weight - exercise endeavour in mind, perhaps that's why I'm writing this, to give you an 'outside' view. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with ambition, but you seem VERY goal driven. And when it does not turn out the way you want it to, a whole motivational structure (that apparently effects a bunch of other things too, like your not drinking, the feeling of achievment through progress etc. ...you well-being essentially) is in danger. That modus operandi is (amongst other things, like not being sustainable) prone to suffering. Guess how I know that. 
Judging weight loss (resp. yourself) on a weekly basis looks like a grim business.
You know how many factors go into this equation? A lot! E.g. once the body experienced series starvation, it can change/shift food partitioning (how it uses the energy it gets) drastically and it can take a long of time to change/reverse that. I know that's probably not what you want to hear. And there is a point where progress will fade, e.g. when you actually achieve the weight you wanted. What then?
(On the side, and I don't want to plant doubt in what you are currently doing, but you seem to go all out in your running? PB after another, which of course is a boost I understand. Do you give your body the chance to utilize fat during exercise?)
I'm not lecturing and trying to say that I have figured it all out, but I have a situation in my life where the goal oriented approach fails or failed. Driven, like you, I couldn't give up the achievement modus, ..and:
I feel, calmly working on the causes that will potentially bring about what you want and trying to be satisfied or rejoice in that seems the way to go. (What else can one do, really?) If it doesn't work out over time, focusing on different causes isn't a big shift, it certainly doesn't involve the collapse of all motivational structures, and this failure/loathing and erecting something else, chasing after the next thing business any more.
Sorry if this rant got too abstract, I had good intentions..
PS.: How goes the saying? The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Judging weight loss (resp. yourself) on a weekly basis looks like a grim business.
You know how many factors go into this equation? A lot! E.g. once the body experienced series starvation, it can change/shift food partitioning (how it uses the energy it gets) drastically and it can take a long of time to change/reverse that. I know that's probably not what you want to hear. And there is a point where progress will fade, e.g. when you actually achieve the weight you wanted. What then?(On the side, and I don't want to plant doubt in what you are currently doing, but you seem to go all out in your running? PB after another, which of course is a boost I understand. Do you give your body the chance to utilize fat during exercise?)
I'm not lecturing and trying to say that I have figured it all out, but I have a situation in my life where the goal oriented approach fails or failed. Driven, like you, I couldn't give up the achievement modus, ..and:
I feel, calmly working on the causes that will potentially bring about what you want and trying to be satisfied or rejoice in that seems the way to go. (What else can one do, really?) If it doesn't work out over time, focusing on different causes isn't a big shift, it certainly doesn't involve the collapse of all motivational structures, and this failure/loathing and erecting something else, chasing after the next thing business any more.Sorry if this rant got too abstract, I had good intentions..
PS.: How goes the saying? The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Anyhow, I'm now comitted to stay away from this jazz at least until some parts of my life go in a new direction, whatever this may look like. The year isn't that old, yet went through withdrawal two times.., am I stupid or what? I'm not a masochist..
The 'sunny' sides become a bit more apparent and so more appreciative, like not being dependent on <something> while being in the midst of a fucking pandemic. I used to dismiss or dub this, but it for sure has created some background anxiety (in addition to..) while using. I seem to do more things, more engaged, even get shit done once in a while. 
Bit more available to the few people I encounter..
But sleep is there at least, so..
Quite some time ago, I got so sick of this shit (these mind games - I think that's what it is..) that I actually started to give some priority to trying to understand and working on this, against all odds. (Desperation can make you a savage.) Not saying I've figured it out (yet), but it effects soo much that it seems really worthwhile and 'real enough' to make it a priority, at least for me. I mean that's something, isn't it? And when 'the world fails', I turn to that (or try to) and at times it's a genuine antidote to hopelessness. (Sometimes not.) Do you know what I mean?
