• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Fiending so hard rn

Not yet but I will soon, still got some left in my alprazolam and amphetamine sulphate supply so I can tweak and then put myself in coma with the aid of a couple of beers in addition to the alprazolam when the time is right. Can't keep going like this though, I can feel myself burning the candle in both ends, have gone from 94 to 80kg since february, should be generally happy with life as I just finished my master's degree, but my drug use is only escalating and I've become more indifferent to any healthy or economical consequences of using. Stigma or pressure from other people to change my ways I've never been particulary sensitive to, but now its developed to almost give absolute zero fucks what anyone would think about my ways. The supply is running low though, luckily the benzo usage is more recent and I'm not too fond of them so usage has been low. For amphetamines though, the dosages and frequency of use have grown to such ridiculous proportions I'm surprised I haven't lost my marbles yet.
 
bornabuser said:
Not yet but I will soon, still got some left in my alprazolam and amphetamine sulphate supply so I can tweak and then put myself in coma with the aid of a couple of beers in addition to the alprazolam when the time is right. Can't keep going like this though, I can feel myself burning the candle in both ends, have gone from 94 to 80kg since february, should be generally happy with life as I just finished my master's degree, but my drug use is only escalating and I've become more indifferent to any healthy or economical consequences of using. Stigma or pressure from other people to change my ways I've never been particulary sensitive to, but now its developed to almost give absolute zero fucks what anyone would think about my ways. The supply is running low though, luckily the benzo usage is more recent and I'm not too fond of them so usage has been low. For amphetamines though, the dosages and frequency of use have grown to such ridiculous proportions I'm surprised I haven't lost my marbles yet.
Click to expand...
fuck dude you sound like me in the near future ngl. Congrats on completing the master's. What'd you study? My shit's in religious studies and I'm researching late antique Egyptian burial practices.

And I wish you the best of luck with your situation man - I hope you make it through alright.
 
Axemancometh said:
fuck dude you sound like me in the near future ngl. Congrats on completing the master's. What'd you study? My shit's in religious studies and I'm researching late antique Egyptian burial practices.

And I wish you the best of luck with your situation man - I hope you make it through alright.
Click to expand...
Thank you, man! Did my master's in business so I should be able to find relevant work soon, but the jobmarket sucks big time atm lol. Hopefully I'll be able to sharpen up my act after I get a relevant job, because now I'm working as a grocery clerk/cashier late hours during the weekends as it pays almost the same as working monday-friday early hours. Unfortunately this leaves me a lot of spare time to do stupid shit like amphetamines. My motivation to stay sober is also lowered as I managed a tear my lower back during grappling training and then injured it more lifting weights the day after. Didn't feel it was that serious of a injury otherwise I wouldn't go lift weights the day after, muscle tears are so deceitful sometimes. Normally keeping myself fit and such would motivate to lower my usage but I still haven't recovered 100%, but I'll think I'll be able to get back in full training by end of november ish.
 
bornabuser said:
Thank you, man! Did my master's in business so I should be able to find relevant work soon, but the jobmarket sucks big time atm lol. Hopefully I'll be able to sharpen up my act after I get a relevant job, because now I'm working as a grocery clerk/cashier late hours during the weekends as it pays almost the same as working monday-friday early hours. Unfortunately this leaves me a lot of spare time to do stupid shit like amphetamines. My motivation to stay sober is also lowered as I managed a tear my lower back during grappling training and then injured it more lifting weights the day after. Didn't feel it was that serious of a injury otherwise I wouldn't go lift weights the day after, muscle tears are so deceitful sometimes. Normally keeping myself fit and such would motivate to lower my usage but I still haven't recovered 100%, but I'll think I'll be able to get back in full training by end of november ish.
Click to expand...
Shit brother I'm sorry to hear that. Does your back hurt all the time? or just when you try resistance/combat training? Not trying to act physiotherapist but when I pinched a mad nerve somewhere in my back a few months ago, I delegated myself to running a ton on the treadmill and spending endless time on the rowing machine - just to keep myself in the rhythm of things; the runner's high is also something I'll never tire of. Maybe lighter stuff like that could aid your recovery?

I used to work at the grocery store too in my undergrad - that shit is so brains-blowingly redundant when you're a college educated adult; But keep stacking your bread brother - maybe kill a few Js before your night shift (I used to do that before morning shifts LOL) to make it a little bit more enjoyable.
 
Axemancometh said:
Shit brother I'm sorry to hear that. Does your back hurt all the time? or just when you try resistance/combat training? Not trying to act physiotherapist but when I pinched a mad nerve somewhere in my back a few months ago, I delegated myself to running a ton on the treadmill and spending endless time on the rowing machine - just to keep myself in the rhythm of things; the runner's high is also something I'll never tire of. Maybe lighter stuff like that could aid your recovery?

I used to work at the grocery store too in my undergrad - that shit is so brains-blowingly redundant when you're a college educated adult; But keep stacking your bread brother - maybe kill a few Js before your night shift (I used to do that before morning shifts LOL) to make it a little bit more enjoyable.
Click to expand...
It's finally stopped hurting now so I go drilling or do some chill sparing 2 times a week, but not anymore than that for atleast 1 more month. Haven't done any weight lifting since the tear which was in late august, but I'm planning to start lifting again in december or january. After the injury I started doing very long (approx. 2 hours) walks in hilly and uneven terrain almost everyday, and it seemed to speed up the recovery considerably and helped stengthening my back muscles while minimizing strain. It sucks though, spent all winter, spring and summer killing in it the weight room, and then i hurt my back almost immediatly after the summer break lol.

The grocery store job isn't too bad tbh, but I've been doing it for too many years now and it gets pretty boring at times. Luckily tourist season is over now so I don't have to deal with enormous hordes of people constantly. Mostly just regulars popping by now, a good mix of people working in the city centre, normal people living there, and fellow substance enthusiasts living in the area. One positive about this job for sure is that it is forcing you to deal with a lot of different kinds of people which you otherwise would never interact with.

Regarding blowing a few Js I don't have a habit of smoking weed, can't get the dosage right causing me to either feel nothing or get completely spaced-out. Although I have met regular customers randomly when out drinking who have thought I smoke weed though, because I always seem so calm and unfazed even when there is a long queue and a very hectic atmosphere in the store lol. Suprised nobody has accused me of tweaking, not even my parents. My parents would sure as hell comment something if they were suspicious me of being high on stimulants, because if I seem slightly more lethargic than I usually am even from natural reasons, they will bluntly and immediatly ask if I've been drinking or taken any sedatives.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top