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I can see myself now
after all these suicide days and nights,
being wheeled out of one of those sterile rest homes
(of course, this is only if I get famous and lucky)
by a subnormal and bored nurse
there I am sitting upright in my wheelchair
almost blind, eyes rolling backward into the dark part of my skull
looking
for the mercy of death
Isn't it a lovely day, Mr. Bukowski
O, yeah, yeah
the children walk past and I don't even exist
and lovely women walk by
with big hot hips
and warm buttocks and tight hot everything
praying to be loved
and I don't even
exist
It's the first sunlight we've had in 3 days,
Mr. Bukowski.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
there I am sitting upright in my wheelchair,
myself whiter than this sheet of paper,
bloodless,
brain gone, gamble gone, me, Bukowski,
gone
Isn't it a lovely day, Mr. Bukowski
O, yeah, yeah pissing in my pajamas, slop drooling out of
my mouth.
2 young schoolboys run by —
Hey, did you see that old guy
Christ, yes, he made me sick!
after all the threats to do so
somebody else has committed suicide for me
at last.
the nurse stops the wheelchair, breaks a rose from a nearby bush,
puts it in my hand.
I don't even know
what it is. it might as well be my pecker
for all the good
it does.
 
“I kept a picture of me kissing my dad’s corpse on the forehead in my wallet for years. I’d break it out any time someone showed me a baby picture, just so they would know how it ends.”
-doug stanhope
 
I have gotten so used to melancholia
that
I greet it like an old
friend. - Charles Bukowski

"There is a loneliness in this world so great that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of a clock. - Charles Bukowski
 
Percy Bysshe Shelley 1792 – 1822


I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: “Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert . . . Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
‘My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!’
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.”
 
Aesop Rock - Kodokushi

I shouldn't even be here, mum's the word
I burn down the house, I gum up the works
I'm the wrong vibration to summon to Earth
When the cuffs break, better make enough of the cure
I go proto-human, I'm so unruly
Architect of my Kodokushi
En garde, hop in the box of chopped arms
On the blocks beyond the pop art stockyard

Got a red phone right to the inside
I could turn a ribcage into windchimes
You don't wanna engage, kiddo, it's a burden to bear
It's a whirlybird, nervous in the surface-to-air
I lost count of the cooks, every coward and crook
Every memory or semblance of an, "Out of the woods"
I'm two unrubbed elbows well in the weeds
Even the good eye couldn't find the edge of my seat

Oh, potpourri of confusing powers
All mashed together and shooting outward
Intel gleaned from the prince of dark
Scarecrow every ten for infinity yards
When a spirit and vessel consider living apart
It's official, I ain't sign up for the mission to LARP
My call of duty stay all-consuming
Even if y'all see him as a dollar movie, look

Best in show, I'm the worst there is
That pest control is no urban myth
That floating skull just won't shut up
It's on a business trip from below the crust
Y'all know what's up, bad news from the black lung
Used to flatline, the shit is so last month, yo
I don't need money to burn
I need sunsets, purple and mother of pearl, c'mon


I'ma need you to ease back
No peace out, flee to the evac
Don't be where you be at (yeah)
I been looking for a reason to react (yeah)
I'ma need you to reset
No plea, no please, no defense
Don't creep in the deep end (yeah)
I been looking for a reason to see red (yeah)


Territorial organisms, each glorifying our poor decisions
I'm a force, you could forecast swarming insects
Who eat all the corn like war is business
I pageant wave from my shallow grave
Patch me in from that astral plane
Ain't ring the bell, I pass through the walls
A cool burgundy in both tooth and claw

Midnight manage an incredible feat
A GPS collar on the neck of the beast
It go, beep-beep, any neck of the reef
Put a reaper on a second week of medical leave
I'm a seer, I could tell you how the curtain descend
Or maybe hint at how it isn't with a circle of friends
I go bah with the black sheep, rah rah, catch me a patsy
Spaz, unravel and blaspheme

Riddler to keep the gate
It's a groundhog D-Day, Jesus H
I was born on a horse at a steeplechase
My forte's frontline real estate
Plus steak and frites, I take bloody as hell
If it burn black, point him at the honey and milk
I ain't sitting while you sully the well
I turn up in a jiff, jackknife when I jump in the pit

One hundred hands, one million eyes
Two bleeding gums, I will survive
That last line's rose-colored only for a limited time
It all shifts when you militarize
I had a vision of a feather on a seasonal wind
In the shadow of a gargoyle fleeing the brick
Lean in, steal your chips
Where I'm from, y'all wouldn't even be in the mix, ayy


I'ma need you to ease back
No peace out, flee to the evac
Don't be where you be at (yeah)
I been looking for a reason to react (yeah)
I'ma need you to reset
No plea, no please, no defense
Don't creep in the deep end (yeah)
I been looking for a reason to see red (yeah)
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah



*Kodokushi is a Japanese word meaning Lonely Death which first described the increasing phenomena of older people dying alone and their bodies not being discovered for many years due to little contact with the outside world and/or having no relatives.
 
BE ADDICTED TO REAL DOPAMINE

MORNING SUNLIGHT
DEEP CONVERSATIONS

--- Bl health and inspirations
 
"For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream."
-Vincent Van Gogh

"Difficulties are things that show a person who they are"

Difficulties strengthen the Mind as labor does the body...
 
Thomas Massie stated, "If legislators always vote with the President, we have a king. If legislators always vote with the prevailing wind, we have mob rule. If legislators always vote with the Constitution, we have a Republic."
 
Part of Your World Parts of a Girl


I want a muff, but I got meat
My skin is rough, my voice is deep
Not really a boy or a girl
I'm more of an inbetween
Look at these briefs, two balls they hold
At least they get smaller, when I get cold
My panties, though lacy and pink
Still buldge with this ding-a-ling
There are f****ts and lesbos aplenty
I've met drag queens and butch d***s galore
You want tea? You want shade? You wan cunty?
I don't care, that's not real, I want more
I wanna be where the straight men are
I wanna get wasted and then go dancing
Shaking around my big - what do you call them? Tits
Tucking your junk only gets you so far
Stuffing your bra doesn't work for romancing
I wanna guy who can't find my - what it called? - oh, yeah, clit
Chop off my cock, remove my sack
Replace them with pussy and a giant wrack
I'd be so glad
If I could have
The parts of a girl
What would I give
If I could live
Without this penis
What would I pay
To spend one day
Not as a man
Mammory glands, not manly hands
Turn this David into a Venus
Then I'm buyna new vagina
In Thailand
('Cause they're cheaper there!)
I wanna know what the real women know
Ask them some questions and get me my answers
Like "What's a yeast infection, and why does it - what's that word? - burnn
When's it my turn? I hope it's soon
I'll pee sitting down in the ladies room
Adios dick, then you can lick
My parts of a girl
 
life's so hard 2pac lyrics

Never bow down, let these other bitches crawl
I'm a Thug motherfucker and these Thugs only ball
Ain't no half steppin' here, from the cradle to the grave
I'm a muhfuckin' fool, but I choose to get paid
Now my pockets gettin' empty, and I'm panicked in a fright
Me and my bitch named Nina are fiendin' tonight
Ain't nobody livin' safe, got a plot, and I'm stressin'
All I want, is my muh'fuckin' money, ain't no question
Don't try to stall little trick, cause we hit
So bring in the scissors and get to clippin' at his dick
I'd rather die young than die old and broke
That's why I stay drunk, and I constantly smoke
My memories as a youngsta, hangin' with the homies
But now I'm doin' bad and them bitches don't know me (Who? Who?)
But playa haters can't fade me (Why?)
Cause this is thug life nigga and we're crazy, tell me do you see?
 
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