Opioids Pain Management advice for an old fart

[GrimSpiral565]

I really don't know where else to turn, so that's why I am here. I have read as much as I can understand, so I apologize for asking questions that have been asked before. This post will be long, so please be patient. I would like to thank each and every one of you, in advance, for you time and consideration, even if you tell me to get fucked.

Background: I am older. Not ancient, but older. I am in "excellent" physical condition for my age, whatever that means. I have a chronic pain condition and an opioid prescription in the USA. My pain condition is highly irregular, sufficiently so that going into specifics will, potentially, make me identifiable. I could probably post specifics and nothing would happen, but if my life has taught me anything it's that stupidity hurts. So does ignorance which is why I'm here. Suffice to say that I have chronic pain, and after many decades of different treatments I have found that Opiates and Opioids are the only truly effective treatment. This isn't because of the analgesia, directly, but because they make me "high" or euphoric. That euphoria gives me escape from pain.

So why am I here? I have questions I cannot find anywhere else. I have found some answers to some of these questions here and elsewhere, but I would like additional confirmation and discussion. I would also like some specific advice. What are my questions? Below.

1: I have several 60mg and 100mg morphine XR tablets that are approximately 15 years old now. Are these still good to use? How do I break them down into fairly accurate instant release doses? I plan on rectal or oral administration, because IVing seems too difficult / dangerous. How long do these pills last at room temperature in a dark drawer?

2: I have additional black market pills of various kinds from about 10-12 years ago. I purchased these, originally, from a dealer who was relatively trustworthy but completely ignorant of the chemistry. I know this is about the time when fentanyl started trickling in. How safe would you consider pills of this age? I have fentanyl test strips but I am unclear on how to use them: Do I need to turn part of the pill into a liquid solution first?

3: For anyone in the USA, do you have any advice on how to get a pain management doctor who is willing to prescribe higher doses? I know this is a very common question, but I am different than the normal person asking. I have decades of medical documentation of my condition, tens of thousands of dollars of scans, tests, procedures, etc. I suppose I am drug seeking, but I'm not doing so without a real basis.

4: My built up stash has a collection of different pills ranging across the opiate spectrum. Everything from Tramadol to Dilaudid. For my prescription I am drug tested at every visit (approximately every 3 weeks). If I use, say, percocet then how long until it is undetectable? I need to test positive for what they prescribe me, and only what they prescribe me.

5: Given my current misery I am considering the dark web. I smoked some weed and did blow back in college, but that was before the internet. I am not requesting direct sourcing information, although if anyone DM'd me a guide on how to get started I'd be appreciative. I do not understand the guides I've read; I am technologically illiterate, or close to it. What I want to know is this: Are legitimate prescription pills readily available from darknet sources? I have zero interest in fentanyl, I just want common prescription opiates and maybe heroin. I am happy to pay a premium, but before I go through all the difficulties of obtaining a source I want to know if such sources actually exist, or if it's all just fentanyl, xylazine, synthetic/research nonsense, etc.

6: I know the news is full of lies, but fentanyl and especially the hardcore synthetics really scare me. How much of that fear is overblown, and how much is real?

7: Does fentanyl give the same euphoria I get from morphine, hydromorphone, etc?

Finally, does anyone have any advice for someone in my position? I just want to spend my remaining years as pain free and happy/high as possible. The medical system makes that impossible, or close enough that I can't figure out a way around the barriers.

Thank you for reading this. I wish you all the best. Life sure is hard, but often worth it.

 

[chippermonk]

Those are a lot of questions! Sorry to hear that you are suffering so much.
I don't believe prescription drugs break down that quickly. I have successfully taken some very old pills over the years. You can search the BL archives for info on defeating the XR formulation but I think it's difficult or impossible (?)
I'd assume black market pills from 10-12 years ago are fentanyl, but are they made to look like known pharma pills or not? In which case maybe somebody sold you legit pills? No way for us to tell you or for you to know, though. Testing is the only way to know for sure but I don't know specifics of how to do it for pills. A test strip company will probably tell you the proper way to go about testing. But I have always heard that Black market pills can have hotspots within individual pills and uneven dosages, so one pill might not be the same as another. Anyhow, I'm personally ignorant but I err on the cautious side and black market pills can be dangerous.
I've never done fentanyl but yes, it is very dangerous and xylazine etc are worse. And it seems that every opiate user will say the high from fentanyl is very unsatisfying.
As far as what testing will show re the type of opioid you are taking, I don't know. I believe it depends on the type of opioids you are taking and the type of opioid test. What specific opioids are you prescribed?

LASTLY: There is a definite decline in the ability of any opioid to both relieve pain, and especially to promote euphoria. The arc generally leads to take more drug with diminishing returns. It's kind of a universal result of taking them, but it is much worse when you are patching together different drugs with different effects, different dosages. You won't have consistency and if you take a higher dosage for a period of time, you may increase your tolerance and not get proper effect from your old dosage.
I'm sure other people have their own input to add. Sharing what your prescription is might help someone advise you on things you can do

 

[GrimSpiral565]

Those are a lot of questions! Sorry to hear that you are suffering so much.
I don't believe prescription drugs break down that quickly. I have successfully taken some very old pills over the years. You can search the BL archives for info on defeating the XR formulation but I think it's difficult or impossible (?)
I'd assume black market pills from 10-12 years ago are fentanyl, but are they made to look like known pharma pills or not? In which case maybe somebody sold you legit pills? No way for us to tell you or for you to know, though. Testing is the only way to know for sure but I don't know specifics of how to do it for pills. A test strip company will probably tell you the proper way to go about testing. But I have always heard that Black market pills can have hotspots within individual pills and uneven dosages, so one pill might not be the same as another. Anyhow, I'm personally ignorant but I err on the cautious side and black market pills can be dangerous.
I've never done fentanyl but yes, it is very dangerous and xylazine etc are worse. And it seems that every opiate user will say the high from fentanyl is very unsatisfying.
As far as what testing will show re the type of opioid you are taking, I don't know. I believe it depends on the type of opioids you are taking and the type of opioid test. What specific opioids are you prescribed?

LASTLY: There is a definite decline in the ability of any opioid to both relieve pain, and especially to promote euphoria. The arc generally leads to take more drug with diminishing returns. It's kind of a universal result of taking them, but it is much worse when you are patching together different drugs with different effects, different dosages. You won't have consistency and if you take a higher dosage for a period of time, you may increase your tolerance and not get proper effect from your old dosage.
I'm sure other people have their own input to add. Sharing what your prescription is might help someone advise you on things you can do

Thank you sincerely for your response. My pills all look like pharmaceutical pills, all have imprints that check out, and they seem to break crisply. I sent 1 out to dance safe for testing and it came back as Hydrocodone/Acetaminophen. They are not all the same, but all from the same exact source purchased over the course of several months. My son got them for me, but I stopped him after a while because I didn't want him in danger. I met with my doctor again today and he just won't increase my dose even though I am seriously in pain most days. I don't know what I'm even doing considering this, but the darkweb seems like the best option, perhaps. I don't want fentanyl and xylazine, but if I keep up this pain I'm afraid I'll swallow a bullet one of these days when it gets really bad. I tried one of the morphine XRs I had this morning, the 100mg ones, and it definitely works, but they are very limited and I don't know how to get more. I have the finances that if I could talk to a higher end dealer I'd happily pay a serious premium for legitimate, uncut, pure oxy, morphine, etc and I'd do it regularly for the rest of my life (probably not that long, unfortunately, but definitely years, maybe a decade). I just feel desperate. I looked at treatments overseas but all the countries that have more lenient policies are not where I want to live, and I am not physically able to protect myself in such bad areas.

Sorry for the rant, but this system is awful. What is a person like me supposed to do? I have a legitimate need with full medical documentation and they just won't let me live my remaining years without pain.

I did try using one of my prescription pills rectally and it definitely hit me harder, but it also didn't last as long. Probably worth it, but I also can't exactly do this when I'm visiting the grandkids. I either get longer insufficient relief, double up and then run out early, or get better (still insufficient) relief that runs out too soon.

Sorry to trouble you, thank you for responding