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Lost sustainment in emotional engagement. Emotional unpredictability of psychic emptiness when truth hurts enough. With erased awareness. Losing false connection is not loss at all, only unattainable. A turning point that never comes.

What changes now is not them, it's you. Grieve the fantasy. Soft interchange. The unexpected becomes clear. Stop bending reality to preserve the connection. The threshold of clarity. Losing access to presence. Willingness and emotional energy to engage. Existence beyond reach.

You no longer orbit, this is the consequence. No escape clearly. An angry whole not broken, not finished. Win from the clarity. Learn choosing, carry that forward. Reconnect from the erasure. Control no longer has a place to land. And that is how the story ends.

Maybe you felt what you don't have words for. What you experienced was real. What you felt mattered. Strength stand-still. Need from the pattern. Move forward. Carry with you. Yours. Stay with it. Dynamics. Kaleidoscope gains. Remembered versions. Yourself.
 
It's five o'clock in the morning
Conversation got boring
You said you were going to bed soon
So I snuck off to your bedroom
And I thought I'd just wait there
Until I heard you come up the stairs
And I pretended that I was sleeping
And I was hoping you would creep in with me
Put your arm around my shoulder
And it was as if the room got colder
When we moved closer in together
Started talking about the weather
You said tomorrow would be fun
And we could watch A Place in the Sun
I didn't know where this was going
When you kissed me


Are you mine? Are you mine?
'Cause I'll stay here all the time
Watching telly, drinking wine
Who'd have known? Who'd have known?
When you flash up on my phone
I no longer feel alone, no longer feel alone


I haven't left you for days now
And I'm becoming amazed how
You're quite affectionate in public
In fact your friend said it made her feel sick
And even though it's moving forward
There's just the right amount of awkward
And today you accidentally called me "baby"


Are you mine? Are you mine?
'Cause I'll stay here all the time
Watching telly, drinking wine
Who'd have known? Who'd have known?
When you flash up on my phone
I no longer feel alone
Let's just stay, let's just stay
I wanna lie in bed all day
We'll be laughing all the way
You told your friends, they all know
We exist but we're taking it slow
Let's just see how it goes
Let's see how it goes


Are you mine? Are you mine?
'Cause I'll stay here all the time
Watching telly, drinking wine
Who'd have known? Who'd have known?
When you flash up on my phone
I no longer feel alone
Let's just stay, let's just stay
I wanna lie in bed all day
We'll be laughing all the way
You told your friends, they all know
We exist but we're taking it slow
Now let's just see how it goes
Let's see how it goes
 
That first interview is the most critical.



---- some crime stories.
 
Unbreak my Heart Unshart my Fart


Something just ain't sitting right
I should have just called it a night
Instead of crop-dusting the place
With my funky booty stink
Thought it was fine
I gave it time
To whaft the smell away
Then I let one rip that got me real messy

Unshart my fart
Make my drawers clean again
Undo this stench
From my trench
That I tried to keep clenched
All up in my hole
My flatulency
Is mixed with wet feces
Unshart my fart
My fart

Toilet paper won't suffice
I need a bidet in my life
Pass me some towels
'Cause my bowels
Can't be trusted not to leak
My gassy ass
Events so fast
From farts to something worse
There's something dark
And skid-marked
In my undies

Unshart my fart
Make my drawers clean again
Undo this stench
From my trench
That I tried to keep clenched
All up in my hole
My flatulency
Is mixed with wet feces
Unshart my fart
My fart

Swamp-assed and squishy as hell
Plus there's a rotten egg smell
Uh-oh, I think that it's dripping down my leg

Unshart my fart
Make my drawers clean again
Undo this stench
From my trench
That I tried to keep clenched
All up in my hole
My flatulency
Is mixed with wet kinda chunks, soaked in feces
Unshart my -
Unshart my fart, oh, maybe
Chipotle guts gone crazy
Unshart my fart
What the fuck?
I don't even remember eating corn
I'm talkin' 'bout corn
Sweetcorn
I ate some corn, like last week
It's still in my intestines
I'm never eating chilli
I don't even remember eating corn
 
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"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits." -Albert Einstein





"I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become." ~Carl Jung





"be careful arguing with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference." -Mark Twain




"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
----- author Rita Mae Brown.
 
"Just disagreeing with people isn't an argument!" "Yes it is!"




"You can silence fifty scholars with a single fact. But you can't silence a single idiot with fifty facts." " plus more."
 
This old poem by William Butler Yeats, anno 1919, is one of my absolute favorites, really powerful stuff:

The Second Coming

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
 
When you look closely,
you see that people of the present
are none other than people of old,
and the functions of the present
are none other than the functions of the past;
even going through a thousand changes
and myriad transformations,
here it is just necessary
for you to recognize it
first hand before you can attain it.

~ Foyan (1067-1120)
 
Hollywood, Marina Diamandis

American queen is the American dream
American queen is the American dream
She is a Polish girl in America
Tall, tan, hot blonde called Anya
I asked her "why would you wanna be a Hollywood wife?"
Because I don't wanna end up living
In a dive on Vine
In a dive on Vine
You'd do anything for a dime
You're looking for the golden lie
Hollywood infected your brain
You wanted kissing in the rain
(Oh, ohhh)
Living in a movie scene
Puking American dreams
(Oh, ohhh)
I'm obsessed with the mess that's America
I'm obsessed with the mess that's America
Air hostess is doing gossip magazine crosswords
On a flight to J.F.K
Thirty-nine years old with a mile-high sheen
Trying to stimulate a mind that is slowly starting to decay
I itch my skin, I jump up and say:
"Lady, I know why your thoughts turned grey"
Hollywood infected your brain
You wanted kissing in the rain
(Oh, ohhh)
Living in a movie scene
Puking American dreams
(Oh, ohhh)
I'm obsessed with the mess that's America
I'm obsessed with the mess that's America
A fat security making plays for me
Soon as I touch down in ol' L.A.
He said "Oh my gosh, you look just like Shakira
No, no, you're Catherine Zeta"
Actually, my name's Marina
Your mind is just like mine
All filled up with things benign
You looking for the golden lie
Hollywood infected your brain
You wanted kissing in the rain
(Oh, ohhh)
I've been living in a movie scene
Puking American dreams
(Oh, ohhh)
I'm obsessed with the mess that's America
I'm obsessed with the mess that's America
American dream is the American dream
American queen is the American dream
Is the American dream
Is the American dream
Hollywood infected your brain
You wanted kissing in the rain
(Oh, ohhh)
I've been living in a movie scene
Puking American dreams
Hollywood infected your brain
You wanted kissing in the rain
(Oh, ohhh)
I've been living in a movie scene
Puking American dreams
I'm obsessed with the mess that's America
I'm obsessed with the mess that's America
 
One of my top 3 favorite poems…


It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love… for your dream… for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow…if you have been ripped open by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain… mine or your own…without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy… mine or your own…if you can dance and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful…to be realistic or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint someone else to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and still trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure..yours and mine… and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair… weary and bruised to the bone and still do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when everything else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments when no one else is watching


-Oriah Mountain Dreamer
 
Girl it ain't no lie
Just look deep into my eyes
You're perfect and I think you should know
That you don't need no makeup
You don't need to blush
'Cause you've got that inner natural glow
Magazines say that you're whack
Girl, don't believe them
Just leave that type of trash on the rack
Girl, don't you read them
You're beautiful and who cares what they think?
Now wash that lovely face off in the sink
Girl, you don't need makeup
You're perfect when you wake up
Just walk around like that all day
Wipe the goop off of your face
I'll take you to a special place
It's something that I've got to say
Just wipe it off
Wipe it off
Wipe it off

Whoah, hold up girl, we spoke too soon
With this whole no makeup tune
(we kinda changed our mind on the makeup thing)
You'll be the hottest girl in the nation
With just a touch of foundation
'Girl, I can't be seen with the ghost from The Ring
I didn't know that your lashes were so stubby and pale
Just a little mascara and you'll look female
Please listen, girl, what we're trying to say
Is just wake up an hour earlier
And you can make yourself much girlier

Girl, you don't need makeup
You're perfect when you wake up
Just don't go outside like that, okay?
Just a little makeup
Some natural looking makeup
What more do I have to say?
Just put it on
Put it on
Put it on

Girl, I wanna get real with you. I have a lot of regrets in my life. I regret missing my father's funeral to audition for The Voice. I regret being high when my niece was born. But most of all, I regret telling you not to wear makeup. That's on me. But what's on you is hopefully more makeup. See, it's like I tore up a shag-pile carpet expecting to find hardwood floors underneath, but it turned out to be just dirty linoleum. These are just metaphors, girl. But they are about your face.

Girl, you do need makeup
Lots and lots of makeup
Think of a clown and then work your way back
You are great except your face, girl
So don't take off that makeup
Wear it when you sleep and swim
 
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