hell yeah it's ridonkulously long-get over it...it's all Memph's fault
MEMPHIS.....i am so glad you are ok. i had a small panic attack reading about your car accident. I have terrible PTSD from my near fatal crash 5 1/2 years ago...I knew you were ok bc you were posting but i swear my heart was racing and then slowed and i felt kinda dizzy-i realized I was holding my breath-no shit.
I am so sorry you are in pain....and the metal in your back,isn't that from a pretty bad car crash? i SO know how you feel...i am in so much pain since i took the 1st fall a cpl months back-then my shoulder got fucked up right after that...i have been to 2 urgent care clinics an the ER and none of them would just give me a fucking cortisone shot in my shoulder-i got 2 in the ass-1 valium-and 15 tramadol total...wtf is the point of going and having to sit for them to xray me and give me a $2200 bill at the ER bc I have no health insurance and am currently in the process of a legal appeal to the denial of my application for disability and medicaid...great lawyer-she said not to worry bc we WOULD win...you do need to call your Dr. though. There are things that can be wrong and you not even know it-if you have a metal back then you know about internal injuries...you are gonna be sore as shit tomorrow but you need to make your Dr. skip church and check you out...PLEASE DO THAT FOR ME,PLEASE! when i had my accident i was fully conscious the whole hour it took to cut me out of my bad ass accord which i turned into an acordian when i plowed into that 18 wheeler...my leg was IN the dash and i knew my ankle was broken,but i was in major shock-i ripped my knee out of the dash and was screaming at the cop trying to help me bc he kept telling me i needed to be still and i screamed at him"no-i need to get the fuck out of this car".....the whole time my insides were all fucked up-and i had a transected aorta that was so thin it should have burst from me screaming at cops and fighting to get out of that car-away from the smell...metal on metal,burned motor oil,that shit they put in air bags,my busted bottle of paint thinner that was w/ my art supplies and a case of bottle Budweiser that i bought for the evening i was planning through texting while driving 70mph in a work zone on the interstate which is why I slammed into the semi bc i ddnt notice traffic had stopped completely...i was too busy typing flirty messages to this chick i planned on fucking later that evening...PLEASE tell me that you were not doing the same thing....i know you said those little punks were in the middle of the road w/ no hazards,and i believe you bc most young ppl these days are fucking spoiled little shits who should not be allowed to drive until 21 bc they all think they are in a fast and furious movie and that cars are toys...but were you doing ANYTHING else like looking for a CD or rol;ling a joint or ANYTHING besides watching the road...bc if you were,i am walking my crippled ass to Memphis to kick the shit out of you bc i have told my "poor me,i had a near fatal car crash Jan 10,2006" story at least 9 times....i post that novel often bc i hope that by sharing that hell might save a life-if posting this same shit a bazillion times stops 1 person from doing anything but driving while-well driving,then it's worth u guys rolling your eyes and scrolling past the post bc you are sick of hearing it...but i am sick of friends i have made here on Bl dying!!!so you take your sore ass to ur Dr-tomorrow or ASAP-and put some neosporin on those train tracks you have on your hands so your Dr. won't notice them as much...i am serious-one night w/ that shit on your track marks makes a worth while difference.
and while we are on track marks,let's have a bit of the pot calling the kettle black talk...your recent posts have me worried...i do not hide the fact that my current addiction is to the needle-not what's in it(bc it's just my ADD meds that i extract the MPH from and shoot it all day basically administering it by IV the way it would enter my system if i just ate it bc it comes in an extended release form-i dnt get high from it-i get off on the spike.) but i just slowed down BIG time the past 3 months and you can barely tell my hands looked like they had constantly been run through a meat grinder...you need to rotate your injection sites-especially since you are working w/ the public,bringing them food w/ your frankenstein hands...i know how it is...for a long time my hands were the ONLY place i cld hit a vein and then they became my choice of sites...but that shit will tell on you-and could affect your job or at the very least your moneh and then your urplane is gonna be the size of a hot wheels toy...and this talk of all your money going into your veins scares me bc ur shooting opes,right? it would truly break my heart if you ODed...
i admitted in the beginning that i had no room to talk to i am...i am struggling so hard to give up banging,and one day i will-or it will become one of those special occasion things-3 maybe 4 times a year,basically like the way i drink...i don't ever want to go through chemical detox for being such a fucking drunk for almost a decade ever again and i really don't miss it-don't crave it...the more time i put between the 3 days i decide to shoot up each month-the easier it is to not be miserable bc i am jonesing daily bc i can't bang extracted MPH from my concerta...it was almost 2 years ago that i was shooting up 15-20 times a day w/ needles that had been used just as many times and were all barbed and tearing up my veins to the point that i got an abscess,a big one and freaked out by trying to lance it myself which only turned it into a MRSA staph infection that i tried to ignore until it was a black hole of dead flesh that raised up into a black bubble the size of a quarter...it took 10 days of going to an urgent care clinic where w/o any pain medication-just a topical anesthetic- lidocane,like that is gonna help when the cut that fucker open and the had to cut dead black flesh from my forearm a good inch deep in my arm which took about an hour...then i'd go back and they would cut more of the black out and then pack it w/ medicated gauze everyday for 10 days...i hope that horrifies someone to the point that they never pick up the needle or scares someone into putting the needle down-or at the very least doing what I did-i started using rigs once ONLY and became a sterilization freak...all that and i still shoot up a cpl days every month...i don't want to see you get to that point either...if your hands stand out that much you need to find some new spots on your body...like your legs...or ankles...that is what I do bc i dnt want anyone in my business and i always wear long pants except when i sleep...
mang,i suck...here you have had this fucking wreck and i am talking about my own issues with the spike...i'm sorry...that telling of the wreck really did make me feel a little fucked up from the adrenaline and panic...plus i am not fooling you guys-this is how i post sometimes...and i am worried about you...i am a shut in half cripple living w/ my parents and besides the occasional shots the only thing i do now is smoke pot and i do that as seldom as i ever have in my life bc i have no car and i have to wait until my bud buddy feels like driving to the opposite side of town just for me...you don't want to end up like this,i promise...i have to force myself to go outside at least 3 times a week...i dnt know how i got to be such a goddamn hermit,but i am and i am already diagnosed bat shit crazy-being a shut in just makes my crazy worse...PROMISE you will go see your Dr soon and i will wrap this up.
I can't believe you caught air...i would have just had a heart attack before i knew if i was going to flip,roll or just crash back down on the ground...you are right-it could have been much worse so don't let the ticket bother you,even though it is horseshit that you got one...fucker.
i guess it's bc you are one of my favorite ppl here-you helped me toughen up and not be so sensitive and i just love your guts and want you to be ok...even though we can not communicate for a month or 6 weeks,i still consider you one of the best friends i have made here-a friend i am grateful to have and hope that our friendship lasts a long,long time-or turns into a sorted affair where sex is all we have to connect us in any way
SORRY this is as long-if not longer than your post-the fact that you wrote a novella makes it ok for me to spill all these feelings out in the longest post ever.
and it wouldn't be complete if i didn't say..
HoL...so good to see you but i hate that you are going through such a rough time and that things are so fucked up...

my heart goes out to you too,sweetie. but i love your guts,too-that should cheer you up a little
AP-you need to be careful working in this fucking deadly heat...and i say,even though it's your dad,if you are not getting OT pay,you should walk your happy ass off the job when you have worked a full day...i mean,seriously-this heat is vicious and if you are not getting paid to be in i more than you get paid for-FUCK IT!!! grab your bag o bud and go hit the bitch

....i don't think i will ever forget that post where you said that 1st and didn't catch it til a lil bit later...hell i bet it's too hot for you to hit the bitch even with the breeze from the sea...i love your guts too since my parents go to Charleston so often,i know we are gonna get to party together one day soon...i hope you have a big ol' bag like that day on tinychat...and i hope i have one too and we can hit the bitch together and get burned and baked in a different way than ppl that go there to tan...i have got to get out of this town for a few days SOON before one flies over my coo-coo's nest.
Jb...sorry for this long ass post-but at least i said all i needed to in one post and didn't whore it up w/ triple or quadruple posts...my shoulder hurts from typing all this-time to go ice it the heat it,again today.
I love all you guys so much-for real. I know I just became a Mod and have had all my Bl time taken up by trying to learn how to do my job and keep my forum up to date,i have been w/ you guys since the final days of OD...there is no excuse for me abandoning my Bl family-even if it isn't on purpose. I promise to start showing up on a regular basis and i will never drop a post this long on you guys again(ok-that might happen by accident again too,but since it hurts to be in this position for as l;ong as it has taken me to,not type-bc i can't really,i never learned-but to hunt and peck this kind of ridiculousness out,i don't think we are in danger of a super-sized post like this anytime soon). then again this is me we are talking about....scary thought,i know.
i am going to rest my shoulder and get horizontal for a bit,but i am kinda having my binge days right now so i WILL be back in a bit...Memphis,I hope to hear from you by then...
you guys be safe and stay safe and i will love your guts forever.
much peace and love.................................skillz
