To test this hypotheses Aron teamed up with Charlotte Reissman and Merlynn R. Bergen to conduct a study which looked at the effects of incorporating “novel and arousing’ challenges in to long-term relationships. Fifty-three middle aged married couples were recruited and persuaded to take part in a ten week experiment which required them to spend 1.5 hours a week engaged in a given activity. In the first condition, couples chose from a list of ‘exciting’ activities such as skiing, hiking, dancing, or going to concerts. The second group spent the same amount of time engaged in ‘pleasant’ activities such as going to the movies, eating out, or visiting friends. A third group did nothing at all. The results showed that the couples who participated in ‘novel and arousing’ activities experienced higher levels of marital satisfaction through the duration of the study.
To further explore this finding, Aron, his wife Elaine and colleagues Christina C. Norman, Colin McKenna and Richard E. Heyman set up a series of laboratory experiments. Participating couples were assessed on their levels of marital happiness before, and after, they engaged in either, a ‘self-expanding’ task which was ‘novel and challenging’, or an interactive task which was more mundane. In the expanding activity, the couples were tied together on one side at wrists and ankles and then had to crawl together on mats and climb over a barrier while pushing a foam cylinder with their heads. This was timed, and the couple received a prize if they beat a time limit, but the situation was rigged so that they almost made it within the time limit on the first two tries and then just barely make it on the third try. As predicted, couples in the expanding-activity condition experienced a greater increase in love and relationship satisfaction compared to those who were set a more mundane task.
Convinced that boredom was a significant problem, Aron then carried out a longitudinal study with Irene Tsapelas and Terri Orbuch which tracked 123 married couples over a nine year period. The couples were first interviewed after seven years and then again after 16 years of marriage. In both questionnaires they were asked this question:‘‘During the past month, how often did you feel that your marriage was in a rut (or getting into a rut), that you do the same thing all the time and rarely get to do exciting things together as a couple?’’. The second question asked ‘‘All in all, how satisfied are you with your marriage?’’
Again, the experiment found a significant link between expressed boredom in year 7 and marital dissatisfaction in year 16, a finding which Aron suggests, ought to change the way we think about relationship research. He believes that the current focus on eliminating conflict and tension and the emphasis on spending ‘quality time’ together is not terribly effective because “if a relationship is not providing opportunities for self expansion, over exposure is more likely to have a negative impact on marital satisfaction.”
Basically, spending time together isn’t enough. You have to change the routine, so for example, “going out to dinner at the same restaurant won’t be as beneficial as eating out somewhere new every time.” The challenge, is to “avoid the extremely strong lure of the familiar. It’s so easy to go to the same cinema, the same restaurant, sit in the same chair, watch the same soaps, do the same activities on holiday, have the same conversations about the same things, and then wonder where the spark has gone. But if you’re willing to haul yourself out of the habit trap, and if your partner is willing to do the same, then the reward could be a new sense of romance in the relationship.” Ultimately, Aron believes that “It is not enough for couples to be free of problems and conflicts. To maintain high levels of marital quality over time, couples also need to make their lives together exciting by doing new and challenging things together.”
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Aha. How about toys? That you can both use? Or one can use on the other?
