Like you, I always vow to never return. Why did you make that vow? What made you say Buddhism was bad? Did you change your mind?
Never return to pyschedelics? I had really gotten everything I could from them. It was probably a little bit of fear, because that was the first time I took a huge dose of a psychedelic, and had a difficult, thought-loop experience. I actually ended up taking mushrooms some months later, and had a terrible, terrible trip-- I guess I should have listened to myself. Then again, I'm in a better spot right now, so I'm thinking about doing low-dose mescaline to aid in creative pursuits...
About Buddhism: it wasn't so much that Buddhism specifically was bad, but that anything defined by words was falsified to some point. It took me over a year, but I've come to the conclusion that a combination of belief systems (including Buddhism) hold bits and pieces of truths that can all add up to something worthwhile and true.
For instance, anger is just something that shows up in consciousness and is there being observed. But, I believe that that is a misunderstanding. The true nature of anger is being angry.
What is anger? It's some sort of feeling that you categorize as being negative (something the untrained mind does with every phenomenon-- categorizing experience into good, bad, or neutral). When you observe the feeling of anger welling up inside of you, you should realize that it is foolish to be angry, as anger is one of the most basic egoic states-- and does nothing but harm to you and 'others.'
It can't be contemplated because as soon as you start thinking about it you aren't actually thinking about the real thing and you're forcing it into this false framework of observer and observed. Some choose to watch, some choose to be.
You've accidently hit the nail on the head. What is 'the real thing' called anger? It is a feeling you create in your mind to reinforce your ego. Once you become the observer of your mind, it becomes obvious that anger is futile-- you're simply distracting yourself from the truth.
As for 'watchers' vs 'doers'... Some indeed
do, but most of us do
blindly-- without any regard for what is truth and what is simply smoke and mirrors. Others--maybe somebody that is new to Buddhism, or "stinking of Zen"-- will become only
watchers; they may sit on this forum and argue about obscure points of spirituality for hours on end, or claim to want to hide in a monastery for eternity, and never actually go on living their lives. In the Middle, we have the conscious practitioner that keenly observes his mind, yet still goes out into the world and applies the principles detailed in, say, the Eightfold Path...
Why isn't story better than reality, maybe not more real, but more meaningful, or more story?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLQD90Las5c
fast forward to 3:50 and see what he has to say about reality vs perception of reality...