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Much love willow, you've always been an amazing addition to our community here. I wish you the best of luck with your future endeavors <3


This line of ket goes out to you, mate.
 
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man I don't know what just happened to me tonight. I thought everything was cool, even though I was having some troubles speaking at times (being high from a few hits from a blunt, and my speech problems), I still held it cool and everything seemed great. This chick came over to my friend's apartment (next to mine), and was in rotation to finish half a blunt with us, only taking a few hits. The vibe was fine, we were talking about some childhood memories dealing with old video games and movies, and around ten minutes after the blunt she decides to go smoke a cig. I came out after using the restroom and sat down in the other chair on the porch, smoked part of a stog, and asked her hows the couple hits treating you. She didn't understand me, said something and took offense. I tried to correct her in that I meant no offense, and was just asking how the hits of weed treated her since she doesnt smoke often She said something. chilled one sec, and decides to bounce, muttering something as she passed. I don't understand... I think I may have gotten her too high, which I've actually done before with other girls. Not matter what, the situation sucks. Not fun having someone straight up leave on you.
 
willow11 said:
Well, wish me luck; about to enter a detox facility and then onto rehab. Weeks of morphine and meth shots- a really nasty abscess, terrible weight loss (down from 88kgs to 67kgs) and hepatitis has left me with no other options.

I won't be on Bluelight any more. After I detox/rehab (which will probably be for at least 4-6 weeks) I'm travelling up north to live in my brother-in-laws aborginal community where I will be taking iboga and ayahuasca.

Its been lovely knowing you all. My own life has been truly enriched by you all, and I hope that existence brings you guys all the beauty, joy, peace and happiness that you all deserve. <3 I've spent hours thinking about all of you: B9 (and family) Roger&Me, Xorkoth, Delsyd, Shambles, Jamshyd, LoveLite, IGNVS, Cosmic Charlie, Laika, FastandBulbous, alantis360, Solipsis, Peppersox, SomeKindaLove/SKL, Samadhi/Andy/Matsuo Munefusa (and more) thank you for everything.

Peace <3
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Damn dude, that's gonna be weird not having you here. I figure I should say this, dude. We've never met in person, but some of the talks you gave me some years back when I was dating that psychotic person really saved my life, at some times maybe literally. I was too scared to talk to anyone in person and you told me many things that I wouldn't have gotten elsewhere. you're a great motherfucking guy is basically what I'm getting at.
I really hope you can turn your life into something you can say you really love, I believe that you can do it 100% willow. Mad props for being able to tell yourself it's time to change. much love man.
 
nearjat said:
I really hope you can turn your life into something you can say you really love, I believe that you can do it 100% willow.
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Interesting that you bring this up. That's pretty much the fundamental underlying structure of my entire life. The drive to love oneself.
 
Never Knows Best said:
Have you been successful at this? If so, keep on riding the self-love waves, mah fellow swirly dude.
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To some extent, yes. It's much more difficult than I expected it to be. lol. I've nowhere near realized my fullest potential in this regard, but I am gradually headed in the right direction.


I don't know if this is going to mean anything to anyone but myself, but for what it's worth, this is what I've found to be successful in mastering my own life: give in to your own immediate desires, as paradoxical as this may sound. It's tempting to think that our own selfish desires are simply destructive vices; and that they should be subdued and beaten into submission by our more selfless and noble inclinations. The problem is, this is impossible, and it will always fail, so we "give up" and revert to desire-driven behavior again. However, when you stop trying to fight it, it becomes a self-correcting mechanism, and eventually desire/want/appetite will adapt and align itself to your true goals and aspirations.

In other words, don't do what you "should" do. Do what you want to do.


Also, check my second post in the "psychonaut guidelines" thread for inspiration. ;)
 
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Apple that's pretty much been my philosophy lately, really helps me make choices and be less indecisive in my life. Just fuckin do stuff. I get one life, I'd like to make it something worth looking back on even if it's a little crazy or unpredictable. Maybe someday I'll think this mindset is stupid but that's the beauty of it, like you said, self correcting.
 
tac said:
To some extent, yes. It's much more difficult than I expected it to be. lol. I've nowhere near realized my fullest potential in this regard, but I am gradually headed in the right direction.

I don't know if this is going to mean anything to anyone but myself, but for what it's worth, this is what I've found to be successful in mastering my own life: give in to your own immediate desires, as paradoxical as this may sound. It's tempting to think that our own selfish desires are simply destructive vices; and that they should be subdued and beaten into submission by our more selfless and noble inclinations. The problem is, this is impossible, and it will always fail, so we "give up" and revert to desire-driven behavior again. However, when you stop trying to fight it, it becomes a self-correcting mechanism, and eventually desire/want/appetite will adapt and align itself to your true goals and aspirations.

In other words, don't do what you "should" do. Do what you want to do.


Also, check my second post in the "psychonaut guidelines" thread for inspiration.
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I think I get what you're saying, well, perhaps I would take care to emphasize a consciously maintained balance between the immediate and the future. Well, your telling people to find value in their wants rather than reject them as selfish is certainly good, but if you end up a junkie before your desires realign themselves with your true goals (or as I would put it, take a more mature/rational view on the matter), well then you can end up fucked in the long run as you enter into some self-perpetuating cycle of destructive behavior. Also, I wonder if such an emphasis on pursuing caprice is a rejection of that Buddhist ideal of ending suffering through ending desire...or just a rejection of a rather extremist interpretation of that ideal.

tac said:
It makes me sad to hear you say things like this. From the posts you make here on Bluelight, it seems to me that, underneath the pessimism, you're a very bright and curious soul. Don't give up on finding love for the here & now -- you are MORE than capable!
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Thanks for the kind sentiment, I certainly think I am capable of building a more healthy emotional state, learning to love myself, and in fact I might be able to do so with a minimal number of requirements. What I [think I] need is really the most basic stuff that most take for granted (perhaps not always, but certainly a good deal of the time). That is to say that there are requirements, one simply cannot enact self-improvement under certain conditions.



Oh, and here's a song for y'all. Nothing you haven't heard before, but I must fight your electronic stuff somehow. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wp91YPGnLw
 
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willow11 said:
Well, wish me luck; about to enter a detox facility and then onto rehab. Weeks of morphine and meth shots- a really nasty abscess, terrible weight loss (down from 88kgs to 67kgs) and hepatitis has left me with no other options.

I won't be on Bluelight any more. After I detox/rehab (which will probably be for at least 4-6 weeks) I'm travelling up north to live in my brother-in-laws aborginal community where I will be taking iboga and ayahuasca.

Its been lovely knowing you all. My own life has been truly enriched by you all, and I hope that existence brings you guys all the beauty, joy, peace and happiness that you all deserve. <3 I've spent hours thinking about all of you: B9 (and family) Roger&Me, Xorkoth, Delsyd, Shambles, Jamshyd, LoveLite, IGNVS, Cosmic Charlie, Laika, FastandBulbous, alantis360, Solipsis, Peppersox, SomeKindaLove/SKL, Samadhi/Andy/Matsuo Munefusa (and more) thank you for everything.

Peace <3
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Bam :( sorry to hear this, very sorry truthfully, the very very best of luck Sam, I shall miss your crazy insightful creative delightful posting and musings. There's a lot I could say but I guess you know anyway ( wipes brow at escaping without having to type another paragraph that requires genuine thought :D). as you eloquently expressed it in bold <3


Good luck good life & always check for spiders hiding in your shoes
 
TheAppleCore said:
In other words, don't do what you "should" do. Do what you want to do.
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This is essentially how I have been living my life for the past ~5 years of my life with great success (helped me go from a lazy stoner to a person striving forth with passion for the things that interest me). Though I do it with maybe a bit more constraint than I feel you may be describing because sometimes I just gotta do what I don't immediately want to do in order to do what I want to do later on. Before this (though to be fair it was still high school days) I would do what I felt certain crowds I associated with liked to do. Typical high school kinda clique bullshit, then I had a +++ DOx trip unexpectedly (was my first true psychedelic experience, was Supposed to be acid) that completely transformed how I decided I ought to live my life.

From then on my life has been pointed towards making me the happiest person I can be. Usually this means only doing what I truly want to do despite what my old crowd of friends wanted to do (in fact I quickly thinned out the group of people I considered a true Good friend). Along with doing what I want to do I began putting much more effort into the things I don't necessarily Want to do but know I Ought to do in order to get the payoff in the end and overall help me to feel like a better-living person so to speak.


P.S: Sorry y'all I'm like a proud parent
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He's been an extremely chill cat so far, loves to play but also just taking naps in my lap while a pet him. And loves being touched and will cuddle up with my hand, sleeps in my bed with my without bothering me too much while I sleep. I'm really surprised how quickly he became comfortable to his new home. I'm not going to declaw him though.
 
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