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☮ Social ☮ PD Social: Loquacious Psychedelic Love Lazers

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Thanks for the advice guys :) Tomorrow I have plans to take MDMA in a party setting (Excision concert) but I'm feeling more inclined to some self psycho-therapy now... see if I can fall back in love with life perhaps :) Or at least myself. I know taking a chemical is not a recommended way to learn to love yourself or respect yourself, but I feel like this could be helpful.
 
It's SOOOOOO cold here, holy crap.

The roads are too icy to drive on. It was 1 degree F on tuesday and 16F yesterday, Third day off from school in a row due to this shit :D

Starting to get kinda sick of this actually. It was cool not having to go to school at first, but I want to get back in the lab and stuff. It was fun drinking beer and smoking weed & shit the first day, but now I just want to get out and go on a long run and resume my normal in-semester routine.

Anyways, I hope you're all doing well! <3 :)
 
Roger&Me said:
It's SOOOOOO cold here, holy crap.

The roads are too icy to drive on. It was 1 degree F on tuesday and 16F yesterday, Third day off from school in a row due to this shit :D

Starting to get kinda sick of this actually. It was cool not having to go to school at first, but I want to get back in the lab and stuff. It was fun drinking beer and smoking weed & shit the first day, but now I just want to get out and go on a long run and resume my normal in-semester routine.

Anyways, I hope you're all doing well! <3 :)
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Yeah my parents sent me a message saying the roads were pretty bad. Apparently it was like, 80 something a day or two before hand (don't remember what exactly my parents said). Pretty crazy stuff. We only got rain the for the last winter storm that went through, ended up going to far north for us. I either want it to snow, or a be a bit warmer so I can get outside and have some fun.

Thanks for all the congrats guys. I'd spend some time learning the ropes of moding right now, but I have a test tomorrow for quantitative analysis. Gonna go run and get started on 3 hours of that studying.
 
"I want something in my life to be pure. I want something to believe in that isn't a product of drug induced mental masturbation..."

"Tomorrow I have plans to take MDMA in a party setting (Excision concert) but I'm feeling more inclined to some self psycho-therapy now... see if I can fall back in love with life perhaps Or at least myself. I know taking a chemical is not a recommended way to learn to love yourself or respect yourself, but I feel like this could be helpful."




have some faith in yourself, you know whats right and wrong, like people have said, you have good judgement... you just need to use it.

see, ive been in the same boat for the longest time... really ever since the first time i dropped lsd ~5 years ago & your experience (the brokenness, breaking things down, etc) sounds too familiar for me not to be the slightest dick to you if it will actually help you in any way.

what your doing (not just with drugs, but with things which hold even the slightest details that seem inconsequential even)....its not worth it.

do everything you know that is right and that will go away. if you stop making excuses for yourself you will stop blaming yourself (and i know that deep down you know its right to blame yourself, which is why you feel like shit...because you know you should) and those feelings will vanish and turn into solid positivity, productivity and genuine joy (and you will rightfully blame yourself for those feelings too) & thats the purest thing there is.

your a smart dude, these are the effects of not living up to the things you know are right.

but you already know this.


...its like dethroning a just king.
 
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You're completely right man..that's pretty much what it is. But then I question whether or not this set of standards I have for myself is even realistic or if all the drug rehab has brainwashed me :P I suppose it doesn't matter where it came from, this is what I've got..

Sometimes when I try to distance myself from my issues by romanticizing them, I feel like I ate the fruit of knowledge and I'm suffering the consequences. I'm an imperfect human with perfect standards for myself, they're so distant that I don't even try.

You're 100% spot on man, it makes me feel even more like shit because most of the time I'm honestly just completely unwilling to take the necessary steps to be at peace with myself. Whenever I'm not improving, I'm falling to rock bottom. It'd be nice if I could just maintain status quo and relax every now and then.
 
nearjat said:
HOLY FUCKING SHIT

I really, really like that song.

I'm realizing now how poorly my posts here in the social reflect my mindset lately.

I feel empty, disillusioned, and hopeless.. I don't have faith in anything, everything is so impermanent and it doesn't bring me peace like it used to. I used to say accepting impermanence made me so peaceful but that wasn't true, I was just prescribed to a pretty decent amount of adderall and didn't really feel emotions entirely..

I don't even know what I'm trying to say... I feel broken. I want to see a therapist but don't even know for what! You can give me a million diagnoses, say PTSD or borderline bipolar, but it doesn't help shit. I'm sick of breaking everything in my life down mentally into neurological phenomenon, I want something in my life to be pure. I want something to believe in that isn't a product of drug induced mental masturbation....I'm sick of questioning. It's not fair for myself, definitely not fair for my girlfriend for me to say I love her but occasionally break down in anxiety and stop believing in love...

Why is everything either chaotic or overly-stereotyped to me? Am I just the result of an intellectually curious person facing 18 year old hormones and using drugs since age 12?

ARGH! Sorry just had to let that out...
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I know what you mean. for 21 years I've been a dysfunctional mess, and fuck I still am. It wasn't until a few years ago I started to realize the extent of which my fallacies really lie, and not until the past 2 years have I even begun to stop making excuses to every problem in my life. Yeah I was shafted with some disabilities that were never addressed appropriately when I was younger, but at this point, I ask myself when is it my responsibility to do something about it. When is it my chance to prove myself capable of everything I know I can achieve? Better yet, prove to myself I capable of reaching my dreams, the dreams that make up who I'd like to be in the future. This girl I just met in all honesty is essentially everything I want to be (I mean, with out the vagina and what not), and made me realize, what I want to accomplish within myself is actually possible. I may have to work harder than most, I may have to dig my nails into my scalp ready to break down cry, but the feeling of letting all the bullshit in your past just float away, as the new found experience rolls through, makes this past 21 years not feel like such a waste.

I still struggle everyday with tearing myself down. I'll strip myself to the core and leave myself an empty shell, but where does that get me? Back to where I was pre-3 years ago. Back to the low confidence, low self-esteem, hidden silhouette of a beautiful being.

Its so easy to fall down into that hole and add on your DOC, or even anything to just get you away from the chaos of this modern world. Be it with psychedelic drugs, seeking reassurance for your perspectives of the world, or with the numbing warmth of an opioid. But the only true warmth in life that actually lasts is the accomplishment of yourself with in your own system. Find the love that drives you everyday, find something to grasp day. Its hard as shit, and I wake up every morning struggling to do this, but in the end I've only seen my life get better from it.

Best of luck, and sorry if this isn't completely relevant. I'm a rambler.
 
LSDMDMA&9304819 said:
cloudy isnt DXM and amps like....bad?
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Low doses of DXM shouldn't cause any issues. There are plenty of reports in the NMDA-antagonist tolerance thread in ADD.

I don't think SS can happen as a result of the combination, but I think blood pressure and overheating could be an issue if you combine recreational doses of both.

I was taking 30mg of DXM for a little bit with my adderal doses, but the 30mg of dxm in the morning just fucked up my gastrointestinal tract that seemed to be having issues already.
 
Hai guys, glad to see you all enjoyed that dnb track I posted on the last page :D
I love spreading new music to people, it makes me feel so gooooood!

Hope everyone is doin' ok. I see you're in a bit of a rut, Nearjat. Sending love and positive vibes your direction bud. <3


Man oh man am I glad this week is over, though making it through the weekend without so much as a cig is going to be hellish :(

At least I can look forward to my 5-Methyl-MDA coming in! Wahoo!
My 2C-B, 2C-C, 2C-D, and 2C-E collection will be here tomorrow as well, so maybe that'll keep my mind pre-occupied, haha.

Should be a goooood weekend!

Much love, PD family <3
 
Thenks meng :)

FUCKING EXCISION TOMORROW XD I'm really excited for this man.

Excisionbg.jpg
 
LSDMDMA&9306526 said:
badman, you smoke?
did not knwo that
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Ya, its a really dirty habit of mine that I need to quit, but I just dont have the willpower atm, really. :\
Maybe this week of not smoking will help me with that, though it didnt help the first time.
 
Roger&Me said:
It's SOOOOOO cold here, holy crap.

The roads are too icy to drive on. It was 1 degree F on tuesday and 16F yesterday, Third day off from school in a row due to this shit :D

Starting to get kinda sick of this actually. It was cool not having to go to school at first, but I want to get back in the lab and stuff. It was fun drinking beer and smoking weed & shit the first day, but now I just want to get out and go on a long run and resume my normal in-semester routine.

Anyways, I hope you're all doing well! <3 :)
Click to expand...

Hah, it's always funny to me when people in the south talk about cold and snow. Most of the people I work with are in Texas, so I've heard all about the situation (admittedly, 1 and 16F are damn cold). Growing up in northern IL, I remember nights that got down to 40 below zero with wind chill... one night was 63 below. Now THAT'S cold. :D And we had to get 8 inches of snow overnight to miss school... we NEVER missed school from the weather. Even 7 inches and we had to go. Usually by 6am the snowplows had gotten it all anyway.

It's crazy to me how much everything shuts down anywhere at all in the south whenever there's any sort of winter weather at all. My parents (in IL) just got 21 inches in one day and they went out the next day to meetings.
 
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