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TDS Social Thread v. RIP tobala & junctionalfunkie, we love you both

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I'm perfectly aware of why I am not sleeping , but it still is catching up with me , i have gotten 2-3 hours a night since trenbolone enanthate kicked in and will for another couple weeks until my body adjusts. I've never ever ran a cycle like this and it is by far and away the most affective by utilizing the fact i am very receptive to androgenic steroids and so have made a stack that really brings it all together. That and using insulin , which is a ROYAL bitch. Have to carry a fuckin gatorade everywhere for about 6 hours after the shot in case I don't go hypo.

But ... I've been all or nothing for as long as I can remember, and rec drugs we're the utter downfall of it when I switched from sports.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Yeah, maybe taking a break would be a good idea eh?

Is there any credit you have access to? Anyone who can help you out? Any possessions of any worth?
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I'd planned for it luckily. Just makes things tighter than usual. This is a permanent break, there is no way I'm taking anything off anyone again unless I front up cash.

Learnt my lesson.
 
Coffee is one of the few things I simply cannot get into without a buncha cream and sugar and fuck if im going to have that and spike my insulin and sat fats at same.

In Jamaica I will say we had that blue mountain coffee straight off of it after hiking the duns river falls - that tasted like energetic taste bud orgasm straight black, not a hint of anything but nature.
 
Well hey, I'm back, I posted a novel of a story in the Introduction thread. Basically I used to go by "wingnutlives" (n3o, PA and PT know me from back then!) and changed my username to be more... anonymous.

Oh, and oh my god, I was shocked to discover the news of Tobala's death. He was actually the person who connected me with Ibogaine (which, after two and a half years, I'm still too scared to experience). I talked with him over the phone when I was about to try the ibogaine earlier this year, and he was even understanding when I got cold feet and balked. I know that when we had talked, he mentioned that he would probably try it again soon, but he had some severe medical problems and I am wondering if he actually did try the Ibogaine and it killed him because of that. Now I am even more scared of it!
A couple years ago I met him in person in New York City when I was visiting family. He bought me dinner and we had many good conversations that night. He drove me to the airport in Newark to fly back home. Such a wonderful man. There's a little hole in my heart now...
 
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man i feel like shit today, havnt slept all night, been runnin on coffee all day, havnt ate, cant eat, to restless, im gaining weight. shits all going fucking haywire, what else schanagans can i get myself into?
i dont like feeling like this
 
^ been hearin a few close people of mine really struggling during this time of the year. Hang in. That sleep will come - and sanity will be much clearer with it I promise you that. Sorry you are feeling that way though.
 
^you hang in there too :)

Heh, I think I am actually going to post in Blogs about all the shit hitting the fan (good and bad, fairly censored though since it's public) lately. Life sure did get interesting all of a sudden.
 
^ thanks man , shit has certainly hit every fan I thought I knew - but I know now how little that is! And I do not mean that in a negative sense , their are people starving right this second in our world , in our very back yards. My days can suck, and I'll admit I've been low emotionally today, but it's the fact that excuses do no good that keeps me goin.

You've been nothin but a great friend , don't think for a second it doesn't mean everything to me to have a growing corner of people I truly can trust. Good or bad times , the clock will still tick forward and that's why gotta be there thru both, you have.
 
;9114988 said:
< removed quoted post that has been deleted >.
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I get nothing but weird ass thoughts since starting on ssnri s 7 years ago. Still didn't stop me from od'ing a few weeks back, and I was surprised to wake up, but just wanted to OD rather than check out, if that makes sense. Suicide frightens me when I'm truly depressed, because I even get anxious about what if theres just torment awaiting me.

I'm worried though that its becoming a more presistent thought again when I swing upwards in mood. I was out of it for a while last night when my wife walked into the bedroom and I was pressing an 8 inch pair of scissors down against the top of the ribcage at the base of my throat, thinking that this was how the gladiators performed a swift kill. I wouldnt have done it, of course, I wouldnt take a chance on permanent damage or paralysis, but Ive seriously self harmed before, severing nerves, muscle, tendon etc to a mm short of an artery at my elbow before, and for the last few months, i've been seriously wanting to do it again. More because I know it will give me an instant change of scenery and new distractions, but, fuck it.. I just seem to be going round in ever decreasing circles, and it seems ever pointless.

Not sure why I posted this, but I check in here now and again. Not good at asking for help.
 
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