what kind of information is presented to you, if I may inquire?
Before I started taking high doses of mushrooms (Ive been eating 1-3.5 grams for the last few years) I was a very strict "atheist", of the Richard Dawkins type. Had as big as an ego as they come, really thought I had the world figured out, had myself figured out.
I started realizing the truth over the past year, reading books like The Book by Alan Watts, The Tao of Physics by Fritjof Capra, the Dancing Wu Li Masters by Gary Suzak. These books were beautiful, elegant, life changing, but they were not in themselves catalysts for the inner revolution my first quarter of mushrooms was about to instill in me 2-3 months ago now.
There was no preparing for it, going from this confused depressed college drop out who had no hope in the world to participating in the beautiful, cyclical dance we call life.
The first thing I had to do was die. I feel like this was my biggest obstacle. It was terrifying and the mushrooms had no mercy. At the time I couldn't understand why it was happening. I laid in a fetal position for the first 2-3 hours of that trip, just praying death would take me and it would be over. Now I believe the ego death a very necessary and perhaps the most important part of this trip. In order to prepare my mind for the next 4 hours of the trip, the mushrooms had to "clear my slate" as it were. All preconceived notions I ever held were in 2 hours washed out of my mind. Theyre was no salvaging any of it, it was all irrelevant now. They destroyed me and left me there, no thoughts crossing my mind accept for the occasional "I just want to be alive".
At three hours in I was finally ready. I got up from being a ball on my couch, barely able to see threw the visuals, and went outside, laid on the grass and kissed the ground, laughing hysterically just to be alive. I then smoked a bowl of marijuana and broke my head the fuck open. Having smoked deemsters a handful of times at doses up to 50 mg I can say that was nothing compared to this. Complete psychedelic mania. I saw what I can only describe as the "life force" flowing through me, through the air, through the skies, through inanimate objects, through entities (of whom their were many), and through others. It was truly beautiful. I'd never been so happy just to be alive, just to be dancing the dance of life. Colors had an all new awe inspiring intensity I had never stopped to admire before.
No suggestions of hate could have ever entered my mind. To see a blade of grass, and to be so humbled by a blade of grass as to be brought to tears, this is the kind of information mushrooms provided me with. To realize that the majority of people, including myself before this experience, were not dancing the dance, but instead playing the game, this is the kind of information mushrooms provided me with. To come to terms with my self as a human being, and no longer being ashamed to look at myself in the mirror, but instead to love what I see, this is the kind of information mushrooms provided with me. Even if though they had to kill me to make me see the beauty in life, mushrooms were willing to do what no amount of hours on the internet or in books or in the classroom could do for me.
It may not be the case for everybody, but for my money there is no experience more humbling then dying. I doubt I will ever eat a full quarter again, but I will always be better from that experience. Now 5 grams of mushrooms dont cause me to have a complete ego death but they sure as hell knock me down a few pegs to where I need to be.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
