"Speed Demons" - How do you deal with them?

[Bojangles69]

Woowww! That was a pretty big fucking misinterpretation on my part lol. I deleted my post after realizing that was NOT the context you were speaking in.

When you said the demons were "staring you in the face" I did NOT realize you were speaking figuratively. Because hallucinations are more than common with speed and I thought you were telling us you were having hallucinations.

You DO NOT seem to be at the stage I thought you were, and I found it odd that you had wrote you haven't used in 2 weeks voluntarily. Usually by the time you get to the psychosis you have a solid addiction and are using everyday.

And do add to that I completely misinterpreted the responses saying "it doesn't matter if its internal or external".
It DOES matter in the context you are speaking. Not a whole bunch, but its generally a good idea to accept the harsh reality that only YOU are making yourself use. When you get to the later parts of speed addiction, you can have hallucinations telling you to use (which wasn't really common with me it was more psychopathic) but thats obviously not what you're talking about.

It seems your problem is much simpler than I thought, and tons of good advice has already been given, so I just wanted to clear that up.

 

[wtblife]

I get meaner and tweakier than they are.

 

[Horrux]

Would you be able to give more details about your level of speed use?

I think you have some interesting insights into the nature of thoughts, similar to Buddhism which you say you have practiced. If we pay attention to the constant stream that flows through our mind, we can see how much of it is bullshit/repetitive/inaccurate/automatic/etc. I think the ability to observe this stream of thought without getting caught up in it, as well as the ability to direct our thoughts into the direction that we want them to go, are things that the majority of people are unable to do. We're usually caught in a series of automatic reactions and thought patterns that end up determining our behaviour.

I don't know anything about you, or how much speed you use, but after reading your post I did not have the impression you were in some sort of psychosis or hallucinating...

Well isn't that something. Not only do you get me for real, but you and I live in the same town. Whodathunk?

I have been an occasional speed user for over 10 years. At first it was a couple pills on the weekend @ raves and afterhours (SONA!!!!!) and then for about 7 years I was completely clean of everything, except for less than a half-dozen drinks of alcohol per year. And then about 2 years ago I started having extreme, continuous exhaustion. I am looking into the root cause of this. I used too much caffeine and burnt out my adrenals, just trying to drag my ass through my day. And so, about a year ago I hooked up again with my old buddy meth. I know it can get very harmful, so I only take it on days when I have much to do and I know it would be impossible with my usual level of exhaustion. I limit myself to twice a week maximum. 3-4 pills a day, maximum. I sometimes choose to go 2 weeks or more without any stimulants, and take naps instead. Not the ideal life, but I think it's better than full-blown meth addiction.

So no, I am not addicted. I do not have psychosis. I was just saying how I deal with annoying thoughts, and looking for others to share their tricks regarding that.

 

[Horrux]

Woowww! That was a pretty big fucking misinterpretation on my part lol. I deleted my post after realizing that was NOT the context you were speaking in.

When you said the demons were "staring you in the face" I did NOT realize you were speaking figuratively. Because hallucinations are more than common with speed and I thought you were telling us you were having hallucinations.

You DO NOT seem to be at the stage I thought you were, and I found it odd that you had wrote you haven't used in 2 weeks voluntarily. Usually by the time you get to the psychosis you have a solid addiction and are using everyday.

And do add to that I completely misinterpreted the responses saying "it doesn't matter if its internal or external".
It DOES matter in the context you are speaking. Not a whole bunch, but its generally a good idea to accept the harsh reality that only YOU are making yourself use. When you get to the later parts of speed addiction, you can have hallucinations telling you to use (which wasn't really common with me it was more psychopathic) but thats obviously not what you're talking about.

It seems your problem is much simpler than I thought, and tons of good advice has already been given, so I just wanted to clear that up.

Yeah man it certainly was a misinterpretation. When I wrote "I have some staring me in the face" I meant meth. In my region it's pills. I often have a bunch right next to my monitor stand in a little ziplok-type bag. I am not, by far, unable to resist taking them. As a matter of fact, even with my exhaustion, I can go entire days without even considering taking any.

BUT the fact remains that the stuff IS addictive, and that annoying thoughts CAN happen, and regarding meth obviously as well. I consider all thought to be interference, unwanted intrusion of my mental space. And I believe meth and many other drugs can increase the mind's permeability to such interferences, to the point where they can become full-blown hallucinations and psychosis. BUT after much studying of all this, I have come to the conclusion that hallucinations & psychosis VS normal thoughts is simply a matter of DEGREE. Degree of penetration. Degree of ability to resist an impulse. I feel that meth quite simply reduces our ability to resist thought, and that this in turn is the cause of the many problems that can arise from its use.

But what does this mean? It means that if you do as I do, and consider all thoughts to be intrusions into your mental space, you can tell them to leave you alone. If you believe they are YOU, then you WILL DO what they dictate because you are under the impression that you are THAT, so whatever 'your' thoughts say, you believe to be a true expression of your being. And I think most people will agree to the random/useless/stupid nature of most thought. So why would one obey them?

By considering them to be foreign intrusions into your mind, you free yourself from their ability to control you. You can say NO. You can say "Why would I listen to you huh? When did you have such incredible insight for me?" And while there *MAY* be insight within thought from time to time, it is far from the majority. And so, obeying all thoughts would be like collecting garbage because somewhere in there, there MIGHT be something that isn't completely useless. Discernment as to the potential usefulness of a thought allows us to discard, ignore and silence those that would do us harm.

Speed demons are 100% harmful. Resist them. I have spelled out what my method is. Does anyone else here have something that can help people who are the prey of thoughts that bring them either addiction, powerlessness or other suffering? I would like to know, I think it would make for a useful, interesting discussion.

 

[b4rd]

I'm still rather disgusted with myself for even trying it. when you've crawled around grazing the carpet for hours, trying to find lost shards..... that's pretty low.

although..... it was pretty funny to swipe my hand across a ceiling before leaving, because I knew what would happen

LOL Good posting.

Yea, I remember those days, crawling around the carpet like some sort of monster with tremendous effort. For some reason, even if I knew deep inside my heart that there we absolutley no drugs in my appartment, I would still have a sense of hope inside of me to find ONE FUCKING ROACH OR SHARD.

 

[b4rd]

It's not me. *I* don't want to take meth. I refuse to crave it. But thoughts come to me, suggesting how good it would be and how much fun and that I really want to do more meth today.

Now. I am not insane. I don't want to use meth, and there are thoughts in my mind, FOREIGN thoughts that say I do. They are external. Isn't that why they are called speed demons?

Who is it then, some devil inside of your brain controlling your every action? No. Those urges are caused by YOUR brain, and those urges hit you because of YOUR decisiouns to experiment with some meth.

I mean, at least try to give some acknowledgement to yourself for getting clean (if you ever manage to do so). Do not attribute any positive outcomes that you have made for yourself to something external or phony. (sorry one of the reason why i hate AA) (sorry for the rant).

Its a bitch to get clean off of meth, because the brain just wants it soooo bad. But once (if) you do become clean, please don't thank something like god that you have milk in your fridge.

 

[Horrux]

Who is it then, some devil inside of your brain controlling your every action? No. Those urges are caused by YOUR brain, and those urges hit you because of YOUR decisiouns to experiment with some meth.

I mean, at least try to give some acknowledgement to yourself for getting clean (if you ever manage to do so). Do not attribute any positive outcomes that you have made for yourself to something external or phony. (sorry one of the reason why i hate AA) (sorry for the rant).

Its a bitch to get clean off of meth, because the brain just wants it soooo bad. But once (if) you do become clean, please don't thank something like god that you have milk in your fridge.

I control my actions, unless I let thought control my body directly. I have the ability to go along with a thought ("tweak! now!") or not. But there exists no proof whatsoever that thought is made or created by the mind that experiences it. You don't have proof, and don't foist your beliefs on other people just because you have them or that they are popular, thanks.

 

[Ne0]

I don't know really what these speed demons are, but can you describe these? I've done lots of amphetamine and other stimulants and sometimes after week of last use I might get some craving that feels exactly the same like with nicotine or alcohol or whatever other drug. They are pretty much gone after you haven't done the chemical for a while.

 

[Horrux]

They seem to be particularly influential thoughts, thought patterns and processes. But that is obviously only their perceived manifestation, and in no way does that mean that their nature is exactly that.

You talk of "craving" but that is a word for something which is not understood in its inner workings. I am asserting that "craving" is simply a process by which an entity, given extra power over the person via their diminished resistance to thought penetration due to drug use, commands that consumption be continued. The more the resistance weakens, the more the entity has power. At some point it possesses the mind enough that it can create hallucinations and psychoses.

And that is how tweakers can end up doing really crazy shit.

 

[Ne0]

I see that craving is just my mind linked with a memory of the effects of some drug and some events may trigger these memories, be it music ("this music would sound so great while tweaked"), some normal moment in life ("It would be so great to have some cigs in the morning") or emotions that are hard to cope ("oh my social anxiety would be so gone if I'd be drunk"). And for me these are just diminished, when I haven't done them, not the cause of course, but the craving.

 

[Horrux]

I see that craving is just my mind linked with a memory of the effects of some drug and some events may trigger these memories, be it music ("this music would sound so great while tweaked"), some normal moment in life ("It would be so great to have some cigs in the morning") or emotions that are hard to cope ("oh my social anxiety would be so gone if I'd be drunk"). And for me these are just diminished, when I haven't done them, not the cause of course, but the craving.

Yeah you still get those thoughts, but they have less power over you. That's what I'm talking about. Except that there has never been any proof that thoughts originate in the mind that experiences them.