Welcome notme13! Seems like you've found the right place, as you can see you'll have plenty of support while you taper, it sounds like you are in the fortunate position of having ordered a large enough quantity of pods before the whole pod drought came and wreaked havoc on many lives, it definitely turned mine upside down for a bit, at first it was hell, lately it's been more of an adventure/huge life lesson.
Sounds like you have the same prescriptions as me, almost exactly, except now I don't take xanax anymore, I take 2mgs of Klonopin a day plus the Ambien. These are lifesaving prescriptions when tapering! I tried the Effexor and it didn't work for me either. Tramadol seems to work well though which is odd considering they're supposedly so similarly structured. Pods seemed so innocent at the start didn't they? Well they caught me off guard too, although I knew what I was getting into I didn't realize how strong they actually are (when buying from the right vendors).
I knew those pods were strong when I got in a car accident and got prescribed all the good narcotics and realized I still preferred the pods, then when I recently had my little affair with H I was amazed at how similar H and pods are, H is just quicker with more of a rush at first, but the pods are just as strong (the good ones anyway).
Anyway, I did make it 36hrs without any H and didn't experience any significant wd symptoms but I did have tramadol and loperamide on top of my regular meds. Over the weekend I caved and got enough H to get me through the weekend, I bought a few 8mg subs today, finished off my H and I'm going back to slowly tapering on the subs. As much fun as H was I felt more stable on subs and they're waaay cheaper and last soooo much longer, I'm very relieved to be getting back on them.
My goal for this week is to set up an appointment with a sub dr. and try and make my sub taper legit because I know myself too well and feel it is my best chance at balancing myself out and keeping me away from more harmful substances. I don't care if I have to stay on them indefinitely for awhile, they take away my cravings at the right dose and are the best antidepressant I've ever used to date. I know it's no magic cure, but it will buy me some time.
I definitely don't want to go back to pods, even after all the crazy shit I've been through since getting off of them I've realized that I feel much lighter off of them, and when it comes down to it I'd rather be addicted to one chemical than however many are in the pods.
On the subject of hiding pods from family members, I was never under the illusion that I was hiding them, I figured my family knew somehow even though I don't live with them, I see them often enough I figure they'd notice something. However I realized they never did realize that I was using them, even when I would stay at their house and grind them up in the middle of the night and make tea in the kitchen. One day my mom was over at my apartment when I was working and the mailman came to the door with two packages that said Poppies Poppy Pods on the label! I was so pissed! I'd never had a delivery that said Poppy Pods on the USPS box, this was one of my last orders before the drought.
When I got home that night I found the two boxes by my bedroom door and I saw the label, noticed it was small and hoped my mom didn't see it. Well about five days later I get a phone call from my mom, she tells me she wants to ask me something but she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer, she went on to tell me that she had noticed the two boxes of poppy pods and was afraid to know what I might be doing with them (my drug use/experimentation has never been a secret to my family, I never tried to hide it, and they all know I like opiates, they know that I had been addicted to vicodin in the past). I told my Mom that I had heard that you could make a tea out of them and that it's a natural remedy for depression, she sounded a little concerned but she knows I struggle with depression and I've been seeing a psych who hasn't really prescribed anything useful yet as far as the depression goes. She basically just said it can't be that bad if you can get them in the mail and let it go at that. Had she pushed the question further I may have told her more of my story but I don't think she wants to know and she sees that I've been doing well with work lately and have been in a better mood overall so I guess she let it go, I don't know, I'll tell my parents more of my struggle with opiates only if absolutely necessary, otherwise I don't feel it's any of their business what I do as long as I'm working and paying my bills and functioning. I was also recently prescribed a decent amount of good painkillers when I had my accident so they know that I was on them for a while recently anyway. My mom is a nurse however and she's far from ignorant when it comes to drugs.
That's all for now folks! I'm back on the subs, stay strong people, stick to your tapers but do what you need to do to get through, if you have to stay at a specific dose for longer than expected don't beat yourself up about it, just move on. I mean I thought I had quit and I ended up doing H for a week and a half! So it's not a straight line to opiate free, and some of you may decide that maintenance is a more realistic option, just do what's best for you without being self destructive. Easier said than done, I know.
Cheers!