People who are rolling is depressing.

[MasterSplinter]

The most dangerous thing about rollin too hard on sum good beanz is that after awhile you just never know when its anoth and want to just keep even eatin more.

I learned to control myself after my binges. its funny cause at the time I didnt even see them as binges. it was just whatever, ecstacy is harmless. it aint nuthin but a thang.

turns out it was a thing. now I very well may or may not have probably suffered even more permenant damage than before. I cant even be around people that are eatin beanz no more cause I feel so guilty about what is going to happen to them.

They act so fake and love to tell me they love me and care about me etc. I know it aint even true and its like after while its hurtin cause they dont follow threw with the wonderfel things they say .


They are so happy, but I know it wont last long. I always feel guilty cause I know they are gonna comedown real hard and be depressed for awhile. I dunno I cant Be around people that are rollin.

all i do now is feel i want to warn them but I dont and when they comedown i feel like i comedown mentaly.

Anyone else get this? Feelin guilty when sober round other people that are rollin on a tuff bean or 2?

 

[Deleted member 137730]

yah i have that, i have brain damage from using ecstasy. It makes me sick as fuck.

 

[No Consequence]

I get this all the time lately.
I went through a period where i abused E, not too bad, but one of those "abuse the new drug" things.
Now from all ive learned i don't do it often anymore.
but i have a few friends that still do it and they got some other people into it.
and i almost have hatred and anger towards them because i warn them about abusing it and they totally disregard what i tell them.
It sucks cuz they'll be like "were havin a kickback" and ill be read to go hangout, but then they tell me theyre all doing e.
so i end up not going.

 

[MasterSplinter]

yah i have that, i have brain damage from using ecstasy. It makes me sick as fuck.

yea same here. I feel noshish and feel like im going to have a comedown. its kind of scary when im feelin itt

 

[r0ll!ng...Faced]

youve just gotta learn to respect the drug and know that its not possible to roll all the time. its a unfortunate truth but i feel it makes the experience better to deal with.

 

[Dahli]

That seems to be the difference between MDMA and other drugs. Once the magic wears off it really really wears off.

And about those empty promises, I'm one of those who promises the world while I'm rolling, and I really do mean it. When I ask my friends why we don't hang out more often and holy shit we should hang out all the time because they're awesome, I mean it. The follow-through is something I have problems with either way. But at least with those I roll with, our emotions on ecstasy are anything but fake. Empty, drug fueled, irrational at the time maybe, but not fake.

 

[RGB]

I know what you mean.

I echo Dahli's sentiment that the emotions you express are real -- you don't tell someone you love them while you're rolling if you actually hate them. It's just that all the normal obstacles to saying what you want suddenly become less important. Of course, they all come crashing back down in the morning, which is why the follow-through is so hard. I think for some especially superficial people there's an element of wanting to feel accepted by pleasing others (I'm ashamed to admit that I'm guilty of this), but I'm convinced it can be overcome by some stern introspection.

With regard to the other topic, I agree with you about worrying for people who don't know how to use responsibly. I sometimes question whether there is such a thing as "responsible use", or if I'm just providing a bad example to people who can't control themselves. I think the answer to that is that we have to take care of each other. If someone's use is spiraling out of control, it's right and good that you feel responsible -- you should voice your concerns. Then again, they have to make their own choices; the most you can do is inform them of the risks, be a source of support, and hope for the best.

If you truly believe that there's no such thing as responsible use, then I have to say that it's unethical to continue to use, if not only for yourself, but for the people who look at your example and think since it's ok for you, it's ok for them too.

Personally, after having reviewed the literature, gone through my own experiences with the drug, and done some serious soul-searching, I've come to the conclusion that MDMA can be a positive force if approached properly (or at least not a guaranteed life-wrecker). Respect for oneself, for others, and for the drug is key, followed by constantly evaluating your current state against your goals and your actions against your beliefs (which is just good life advice in general in my opinion).

 

[Legerity]

I do cringe when I hear the way most people use MDMA, bingeing on huge amounts of pills on a regular basis. Most people seem to overdo it at some time with this substance, myself included, and it is certainly one that is not conducive to frequent use. People ending treating the pills like alcohol to get as fucked up as possible at parties. I think one would probably be better off doing amphetamines if they are going to be using it as a weekly party drug.

I don't think there is anything fake about the experience. It offers use a glimpse of how we can think/feel when our fear and walls are down. If used properly I do believe the experience can in some ways be integrated in a way that improves our lives rather than causes problems.

MDMA was after all used for therapy in the beginning, with MAPS recently showing evidence for it's efficacy in treating PTSD.

 

[K-Dazed]

Yeah, a lot of people tend to over-do it with MDMA, but it's the same with more or less every other drug. If it's available, and people have the money for it, a lot of people can't say "No" and end up doing it every weekend, which is what it seems your friends (and a hell of a lot of other people) are doing.

Most of my friends take MDMA less frequently than myself, which considering I do it once every 2 months or so, I can't really relate to what you're saying. But, I do have many friends who are Alcoholics, and go through an eighth or two of spirits a day, while being in Highschool. It makes me appreciate how lucky I am to be able to control my use to a responsible non-life threating degree (because, like RGB, I too question whether there is even such a thing as responsible use).

 

[diabelli]

I'm going to be a rare dissenter here, with due respect. Not that I don't see your POV, but I was a regular user in the 90s. I perhaps never binged as much as some, but I didn't really have such permanent repercussions; still managed to pull myself together and get a decent career going... gave up MDMA for 10 yrs, and just last month did it again. It was amazing.

And sure, it lets your inhibitions down to the point you are a bit too "loving," etc., but more often than not, I find that these feelings are not really falsities but true feelings amplifed. At least when you are doing it with the right people.

OP, it's admirable that you feel such guilt for other people like that... that's amazing that you have such compassion. But some people can tolerate the MDMA into their lives more fluidly than others so you don't necessarily have to feel guilty for all of them.

 

[Bearlove]

I normally roll with very good friends in a club/home setting, were all having a great laugh and tell each other how much our friendship means, how much we love each other and stuff like that. Its not false or fake or even induced purely because were on MDMA - we mean it and have had those kind of close conversations when sober. Yes MDMA does break down some of the social barriers that we all have and the topics of conversation can be different but were still being honest / true with each other.

I think if your using (or your with people who are using) MDMA you should expect this type of conversation from people and you shouldn’t see it as offensive, fake, empty or false. You can’t really look at somebody using and say ‘they are going to make the same mistakes as me’ its our ‘job’ to point out your mistakes to our friends and to give them the information so they don’t repeat the same mistake.

Most of you are already doing that on here, you all step up and say, I abused the hell out of MDMA and its not a safe drug. If you use it too often, x y and z could happen to you and if you simply took less, spaced out your rolls, tested your gear etc you can roll safely.

I’m talking about rolling with friends though – not that random stranger who caught your eye at 3am and your sitting there cuddling and telling them they are the best person in the world and you will never forget them etc :D – for me though that’s the fun of the drug.

 

[K-Dazed]

Haha, yeah. I can't count how many "new best friends" I've gained going out to the city one night, only to forget it ever happened the next day.

But when I'm talking to my friends, or people I know, I always mean what I say. Nothing about seeing people rolling is depressing at all to me - like I mentioned I roll the most out of my group of friends, and I still keep it fairly conservative according to this forums standards. Like I always say though, have fun and stay safe :D

 

[Irmarose]

Yeah i know exactly what you mean, I have had thousands of measningful conversations with random people of E, like i've told them i love them and that... but tbh after that its just akward, and you both try and act like it never happened..

Its kinda lame

 

[diabelli]

Huh. Maybe I'm just a cynical bastard, but even in my halcyon days of raving and dropping during the 90s, I NEVER told a stranger I loved them, etc.

 

[stuckinaloop]

When I was in college I met my group of friends through a little rolling party. It opened us all up and by the next day we had really gotten to know each other.

Occasional (like once every 2 months lke someone mentioned) is pretty safe IMO

 

[MasterSplinter]

Like next time I roll Id just rather it not even be bein at a rave. I feel like I have seen every DJ in the world and been in the largest parties in the United States.

Raves are dirty. too many unsanitary people sweatin and pukin and shittin on drugs out of there fukin mind. Ive finally burned myself out as a raver. (unbelievavble)

next time I roll maybe ill doo a hau5party and just make it a dope setting with fun toys and my own music...ill only bring close friends and see how its gose.

but people who roll at raves are just a waste to society. we should clean out the trash

 

[Legerity]

Like next time I roll Id just rather it not even be bein at a rave. I feel like I have seen every DJ in the world and been in the largest parties in the United States.

Raves are dirty. too many unsanitary people sweatin and pukin and shittin on drugs out of there fukin mind. Ive finally burned myself out as a raver. (unbelievavble)

next time I roll maybe ill doo a hau5party and just make it a dope setting with fun toys and my own music...ill only bring close friends and see how its gose.

but people who roll at raves are just a waste to society. we should clean out the trash

How does rolling at a rave make somebody any different than somebody who rolls at another kind of party? Everybody has the environment that they prefer to be in.

For me MDMA isn't really a rave/dance drug but I think it's a bit much to call ravers a "waste to society". I love the rave environment and dancing has been some of the best times I've had.

 

[AylaV]

The most dangerous thing about rollin too hard on sum good beanz is that after awhile you just never know when its anoth and want to just keep even eatin more.

I learned to control myself after my binges. its funny cause at the time I didnt even see them as binges. it was just whatever, ecstacy is harmless. it aint nuthin but a thang.

turns out it was a thing. now I very well may or may not have probably suffered even more permenant damage than before. I cant even be around people that are eatin beanz no more cause I feel so guilty about what is going to happen to them.

They act so fake and love to tell me they love me and care about me etc. I know it aint even true and its like after while its hurtin cause they dont follow threw with the wonderfel things they say .


They are so happy, but I know it wont last long. I always feel guilty cause I know they are gonna comedown real hard and be depressed for awhile. I dunno I cant Be around people that are rollin.

all i do now is feel i want to warn them but I dont and when they comedown i feel like i comedown mentaly.

Anyone else get this? Feelin guilty when sober round other people that are rollin on a tuff bean or 2?

This might come off as mean, but this is my opinion on this subject. I'm a "jaded" raver and I have many "jaded raver" friends that spout this garbage all the fucking time. It pisses me off =P

Sure, they are going to come down and may be depressed or upset. At that moment, though, they feel they love you and are in the best place in the world. You've experienced that and sure it doesn't last.

Then one time I got to thinking about what people were saying concerning that ("MDMA is so fake" "It's just huggy speed with a worse crash", etc).

The problem isn't that MDMA is fake. The problem is that YOU are fake. MDMA has shown you the potential you have for love, empathy, and compassion. Sure, it may have been a drug, but when you actually sit down and analyse the experience you had, you can find a way to bring some of that artificially induced happiness into your own life.

From MDMA I learned that love is the best emotion in the world. I learned that every moment is amazing. I learned that life is a fantastic adventure with so much to be learned appreciated. I realise that I can become a victim of my past experience or I can love all experience for what it is -- experience!! I used to shoot heroin. I have that experience. Instead of being victimised by it, I choose to embrace it. That's something that I've done. That's part of who I am. I don't shoot heroin anymore, but I have that life experience that only someone who has done it can have.

Maybe MDMA doesn't work for you like it used to. What you're describing IS loss of magic (to some extent). This happens to all kinds of people at some point. This is the time to learn from what you experienced on MDMA rather than getting bitter / worried about what others are doing. They're loving life and having a good time. Respect that and worry about your own life =)

 

[LSDMDMA&AMP]

ayla>you splinter
and btw
people who are rolling is depressing?
no, thats incorrect. you mustve fried your brain from all the e youve done, it should be
people who are rolling are depressing.
it sounds like you're just jealous.
you've done too much, you cant feel what they feel, and you're looking for any reason to criticize them it looks like.
and SHIT
even if it WAS fake
what the fuck is wrong with that?
when was being nice at all a bad thing, even if its "fake"?
and just because its drug induced doesnt mean its fake, just because you dont feel the same way sober doesnst mean its fake.
would you rather hang out with a bunch of speedfreaks/tweakers and shit who see stuff in the dark and act fucking crazy when theyre on amp/methamp?
would you call their psychosis "fake"?
you're depressed because you did far too much and are paying for it, and are trying to tell yourself "oh, im better than them" when in reality you're just jealous and wish you could do what they do.
and btw
you want to call ravers trash?
look at your fucking self.
where did you roll most of the time
raves, i assume.
oh, theyre trash becasue they did EXACTLY what the fuck you did?
i dont like the kandi bullshit and stuff, i think its quite gay to be honest, but "clean out the trash"?
you are literally one of the dumbest people ive ever seen on BL.
you need to learn how to use the english language properly before you complain about what people like to do in their free time.
a waste to society?
first of all that doesnt even sound right...maybe a menace to society would sound better.
and
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO GODDAMNED CONCERNED WITH WHAT PEOPLE DO WITH THEIR BRAIN CHEMISTRY, MONEY AND FREE TIME?
just because YOU were irresponsible doesnt mean that using MDMA responsibly is impossible. raves are dirty? yes when you crowd massive amounts of people in one place, it might get a bit dirty. if you dont like it, dont fucking go. i wouldnt know though, ive never been to a rave..
goddamn read a book once in a fucking while.

 

[MasterSplinter]

i dont like the kandi bullshit and stuff, i think its quite gay to be honest

I aint into kandi either, but it is what you make it...and apparently you have chosen to make it gay. Maybe you should take off your bracelets and take a look in your own mirror.

you are literally one of the dumbest people ive ever seen on BL.

Second only to you. Perhaps one day I will take your kings hat?

raves are dirty? yes when you crowd massive amounts of people in one place, it might get a bit dirty.

So If you aint even been to soCal raves its not even a validate to bother listenin to your tangential opinion that doesnt lead anyware.

Point is that we gotta get more security presense at the raves and start arrestin people who are more fucked up than other people. we can keep a record of them and track them at events to make this shit safer.

as for you hatin on a hau5 roll party thats different becau5e its only people I know an or would be able to get intimate within the responsibility and comfort of my own home okay?