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The Grandparents Thread

Mariposa

Mariposa

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Sep 8, 2002
Messages
24,740
Location
California Republic
Perhaps this should have been a Blogs entry, but I feel it has resonance and meaning on its own. :)

Today is my Grandmother's 80th birthday. She's in Canada, and I just got off the phone with her. I was supposed to be there for the party, but finances are yo-yo ing, and I simply could not make it there without bankrupting myself.

My Grammy (mother's mother) is the most gentle human being on the planet, and I am her first grandchild. Her husband is a tyrant. I won't get into what we talked about in detail, but I wanted to share the pure and unadulterated joy I felt at talking to my Grammy. We talked about the economy (she was born the first year of the Great Depression), the state of world affairs, and much more that is personal to my family.

No matter what happens in my life, my Grammy knows exactly what to say. She is perfect in every way - bore 7 children (some are better than others) who love her because she is the paragon of maternal love. My Grammy is an evangelical Christian; I am not. She does not judge. Whatever residual faith I have is because of my Grammy. She likes her drink, she likes her relatively privileged life, and even though my grandfather is a prize jackass, she loves him too. She loved my mother (now deceased) and all her children with warmth, kindness, and she always believed in their dreams.

Grammy, you will never read this, but I thank you... and I'll be home for Christmas, and not just in my dreams. <3

TDS - please appreciate your family, the ones that may not be perfect in your eyes, the ones whose light shines nonetheless... here.

I think I will bring home her favorite cupcakes today or make a dinner in my Grammy's honor. I would not be here at all, lest who I am, without her.

Happy Birthday, Grandma N. <3 May the best of your past be the worst of your future. <3
 
What a beautiful post. My grandparents are gone now. They all died within a years time of each other. The three people that shared in raising me when my mother was out drinking and drugging with her boyfriends. they are all gone now and I feel like I did not appreciate them enough when they were here. So please, those of you that still have them, go now and hug your grandparents or call and say "i love you". These people are to be cherished.
 
I just got back from doing some work in my Grandmother's garden. Since my grandfather on that side passed last year we've become really close. I try to go over once every week, or sometimes two if I'm busy. She's my last remaining grandparent, and I'm trying to get as much time with her as I can while she's still well.
 
Aw what a great thread idea!

I had all 4 grandparents up until four years ago. My mums mum died first, and it broke my heart. But we knew it was coming and I made a conscious effort to see her weekly for a long time beforehand, and was next to her in the hospital when she passed. I think the saddest thing is her not being around to see me achieve goals, grow up etc, she always took an active interest in our lives and schooling etc. Makes me sad she missed my sister's wedding too.

My 3 remaining grandparents, well, mums father has very bad Alzheimers and im pretty sure he doesn't recognize me anymore sadly, and my fathers dad is deteriorating so rapidly it just breaks my heart, he probably wont live to see 2011, so i make an effort to go and spend time with him when I can and bring him some food ive cooked. His wife however, is a machine nothing will kill her haha.

Grandparents are amazing. <3
 
I still am not over my Grandmother's death. It has been three years.

She was so cool.... ageless. I am of 13 grandchildren, and we and our parents revolved around her. She kept us together. Christmas time was so peaceful, and she put so much thought into it. She was very intelligent, and studied genealogy. She died so unexpectedly.

I used to cry daily before she died. Her death hit me so hard that I cry every few months now, if that. I do not know why.

<3
 
I've been disowned by my grandparents, sadly.

Who would have thought that staunch elderly Catholics have a dislike for transsexual drug addicts? :p
 
jackie jones said:
I still am not over my Grandmother's death. It has been three years.

She was so cool.... ageless. I am of 13 grandchildren, and we and our parents revolved around her. She kept us together. Christmas time was so peaceful, and she put so much thought into it. She was very intelligent, and studied genealogy. She died so unexpectedly.

I used to cry daily before she died. Her death hit me so hard that I cry every few months now, if that. I do not know why.

<3
Click to expand...

I really feel for you man, this is how I'm going to be when my grandparents die.


My nana had a fall yesterday and broke her hip. My mum told me today when she was going in for surgery and I'd been worried sick all afternoon. But then Mum called me to say that Nana came out of the surgery like a true champion, ate dinner, walked around a tiny bit, in good spirits etc. I am so relieved and proud of her. She is absolutely amazing and so incredibly tough <3

Oh and she's 92.
 
Wow! She sounds tough as nails. Good for her for not taking her fall lying down!

Badandwicked-- As much as that might feel good, it'll likely do as much harm as good. It's a shame when it's family, but people that close-minded aren't worth considering.

I forgot to mention that my Baba turns 75 in two weeks. We're doing a big brunch later in the month with all the extended family, but I'm going to pop by her place with a little cake on the actual day. She doesn't like having a big deal made of her, but she's not getting much of a say in the matter this time around :)
 
Sweet P said:
I've been disowned by my grandparents, sadly.

Who would have thought that staunch elderly Catholics have a dislike for transsexual drug addicts? :p
Click to expand...

That's sad Sweet P. I am elderly I suppose (52). I am a devout Roman Catholic too. I have known many transsexuals and even a few transgendered and inter-sexed people in my life and some of them also did drugs. It's a shame your grandparents aren't able to love people, especially their own family, the way we should love people. That would be unconditionally :) Everyone in this world has something that makes them lovable. Rise above is all I can say <3
 
^ Thanks for that. My grandparents are in their 70's-80's and are very conservative.

If they wanna re-connect with me sometime, they are welcome to. If not, I guess that's their loss.
 
I never met my mom's mother. She died maybe 12 years before I was born. I hear she was a good, hardworking person. My grandpa on that side just passed away not too long ago. He was pretty old. I guess he got sick and just never got better. He was my favorite. I haven't seen him in maybe 15 years because that's the last time I was in Taiwan.

On my dad's side my grandparents died in 2004. There was a car accident. Grandpa's heart stopped right there and grandma died a week later in the hospital. Not of accident injuries I don't think.
Grandma was pretty mean to me & my little sister, because we were girls and wouldn't be passing on the family name. Whatever.
Grandpa was cool as fuck though.

It feels kinda weird to have no grandparents. Most people I know who are my age still have at least 1 left.
 
I wish my grammy was alive. She was my biggest supporter and probably loved me more than my fucked up parents. She died from cancer. I took care of her, and it was really hard to watch her pass.

My other grandparents were awesome too, but my one grammy was just a good friend. I miss her.

People who have their grandparents are lucky!
 
My father's father died when I was a little girl.......I never got to know him.....though I imagine him much like my father. My father's mother is alive and we email back and forth sometimes but I'm not as close to her as I'd like, or as I was to my mother's parents.

My mom's father and I had a strange, spiritual connection.
After he died, looking back, our times together were pretty intense and I didn't have a clue. He told me his real last name (and didn't tell his children until much later in their lives), he told me about the job he worked at for like 30 yrs and drove me out to the site, he told me things he didn't share with others........
He was real upfront about me being his favorite....... Then, one day, when I was like 13 or so, he told me I had to go to church the next morning and I said 'No, I'm not catholic" and he turned on my mother- Calling her a bad mother, "look she's raising heathens" (a word she now uses herself), blah blah blah-
I stood up and got inches from my Grandfathers face and screamed "FUCK YOU".
Big mistake.
No one ever talked back to my grandfather.
I don't know if it was the whole Irish-Italian New Jersey head of household type thing or what, but I was really the first to push back.
My grandfather punched me and then chased me through the house, screaming and yelling about how I was Satan's whore and a witch etc. etc. :)
I left and though he reached out to me our relationship was never the same.
I wish that I had heard the advice Mariposa gave at the start of this thread, to cherish the time we have with them.....b/c My grandfather died a year later.
A few nights before he died he came to me in a dream, gave me a message only he and my mother would have known.
He told me to tell my mother she had to prepare her siblings.
Since my mother is the oldest he had told her that when he knew he was going to die, he would somehow get her a message to come home and help her brothers and sisters deal with his passing.
I woke up and told my mother and literally as I'm telling her, the phone rings.....she left later that evening. He died without us forgiving out loud- but I know that night he came to me and we made peace. Since his passing he has reached out to me on more than one occasion.

My mother's mother also felt very connected with me- and I her. She stayed alive for me to get to her bedside (Literally. She told me she would, asked for me for 2 days before her death and died the day I got there).
I knew the moment was coming and gathered my family to be with her when she passed.
I think that was my purpose there.
I think she knew that I would know, that I would be able to help my aunts and uncles understand her passing was a beautiful spiritual thing......
I called them in, we held hands around her- I told her she could pass and that her family there was waiting for her.
Everyone else took turns telling her to pass and she literally took her last breath then and there. It was THE most intense experience of my life.

My grandparents and my experiences with them have played huge roles in the shaping of who I am today.
I will forever love them, and honor them in my home. <3
 
I'm actually leaving my grandparents today. Spent 10 days up here with them. Not under circumstances I'd like but Im still here none the less. (they're both fine, I'm not visiting due to health or anything.)
But let me say this, as mean, cruel and closed minded as he is, there is nobody in the world id rather hear play over mi abuelito when he sits down and plays the piano.
 
My other grandmother that I did not mention is 83 today. Our relationship is a difficult one, although we had a good relationship while I was a child and have now that I have mellowed out a bit with my once obvious outlaw nature. She is so different from me. Never has done drugs or even smoked cigarettes. She is pretentious (okay, maybe not too different). She immigrated to the states from Quebec, and english is her second language. As my other grandmother was, she is an artist. Both my grandmothers were very good at painting, and I have some of their work in my house.

We travel together when my father and I drive her south for winters. I always enjoy playing the straight role at times like that. Nice semi-short haircut, slacks and dress shirts, glasses, pockets and bloodstream full of drugs. Good times.

Eighty-three. I cannot even fathom living to that age.
 
i have one grandparent left but she's been an Alzheimers wreck for the better part of a decade.
my paternal grandfather left the family around 1950 and later blew his head off. nice lineage there.

My other 2 lived pretty long, strong American lives on opposite coasts, died when i was younger tho.

wish i could have lived in earlier decades with a stronger family, as there is none in my future. these days it is a great thing to have, so don't take it for granted .. respect your roots ;)
 
My grandparents celebrated their 63rd wedding anniversary yesterday. Seeing them together always melts my heart, they obviously still adore each other! <3

My grandpa is 94 and does a lot of woodworking. I saw him over the summer and he made me some super cute jewelry. Grandpa and Grandma walk at least a mile together every day, they're absolutely amazing. I love having them in my life as role models. :) <3
 
My maternal grandfather is the only one I have remaining. He's in his 70's and is actually in fairly good condition, other than the occasional slip up and getting drunk. The further I fall into my addiction, the less time I spend with him, which I know I will regret, but at the same time, I'm ashamed of what I've been doing and really don't care to have him see the needle marks on my arms.

I lost my paternal grandfather less than a year after my fathers death. We were very close as I was born on his 55th birthday. Essentially my father's suicide was his demise as losing his only child to his own hands was too much for him to take. The night before he died my mother had a dream that my dad came to her in her sleep and asked him to "go with him" because he was lonely. She refused because she couldn't leave us (their children) and was woken up by a telephone call that my grandfather had passed.

I lost my paternal grandmother in 1999, she was a very classy lady and I loved her very much. I enjoyed spending time with her greatly and after she took sick (with cancer) I didn't have the chance to see her because I didn't realize how sick she was and I had moved 1500 miles away.

My maternal grandmother died just a few years ago. She basically raised me as my mother was/is a fuck-up. She was very strict, but loving at the same time. As a child, I hated her because of the way she was. After she took ill, I came home to visit her and made peace with her, telling her that after I had grown up a bit, I realized that it wasn't that she was mean, but was very loving and that she was the only person in my life that had always looked out for my best interests above everything else, regardless of how it seemed at the time. She was very sick, having multiple strokes and TIA episodes. I am glad now that she has passed and is no longer suffering, but there is still a void there that hurts.
 
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