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I have no friends since getting clean... what to do?

enoughorangejuice?

enoughorangejuice?

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 7, 2007
Messages
3,213
I've been clean for over 11 months. No illegal drugs and no addictive Rx drugs besides my insanely low dose of suboxone (0.5mg).

I didn't have many friends when i was using but I had a bunch of friends in high school.

I got clean on my own, no AA/NA because I do not believe in that (PLEASE do NOT try to tell me I should go to meet people).

It seems to me like most people either drink/ do drugs or are in rehab/AA. It's very difficult for me to find people who enjoy life sober and don't go to AA or abuse drugs.

I work full time and am getting back into school to finish my BA and people at work always tell me I have no social life which kinda pisses me off. I'm extremely happy being sober and having no friends doesn't really bother me. I mean i'd be even happier with friends but i'm happy being myself and staying clean and making a life for myself.

Has anyone else had problems with coming back to life after a multi-year serious poly-drug addiction to realize they have no friends at all?

I realize I'm totally lame but i've done enough partying and shit so it doesn't bother me that i'm not social at all... I have serious anxiety issues which is why i was on valium/xanax/klonopin/ativan for 8 years which lead to my heroin/oxy/coke/speed/benzo problems....

It just really bothers me that people at work say shit all the time to me about my lack of a social life. I just don't understand what they're getting at. I'm completely aware I have no friends, i'm not blind, I just don't give a shit.

I would like to make new friends but i don't know where to find people who have fun without AA/NA, drinking, or using drugs...:\

eoj?
 
man if you're going to university then there is so much extra curricular stuff you can get into and meet a lot of wicked people. the easiest is just going to intramural sports, the kind you can just show up at whenever you want and don't need any skills just having some fun. or you could get into community/college theatre. i met so many great people doing lighting/sound and that made it easy for me to try my hand at being on stage instead of behind the scenes and it was a great feeling. being in a band was also a great thing, if you have any musical talent. you'll be exposed to drugs obviously but unless the majority of people at your school are hardcore junkies than it shouldn't be anything more serious than booze, weed and a bit of blow on the weekends.

but hey if you're doing a BA you'll be exposed to all those no matter what you do.
 
I've found volunteering to be very conducive to new pleasant social connections. Social connections are easiest when you are around people with like interests. What hobbies do you have or what interests you? You can likely find relevant clubs or organizations, many probably on or around your campus.
 
thanks for the responses guys!

i'm a philosophy major.

i have played in bands and play guitar, bass guitar and drums (can't sing at all though). have posted ads on craigslist with very poor results.

i played varsity soccer all four years in high school and am trying to get myself to run a mile every day (been doing pretty well with it) so i can play pick up soccer games with my old band-mate and best friend from high school.

my problem is when i go to play soccer with him and meet the other people they all may say lets go out to a bar after the game ya know? that's my fear. then i either say nah i got plans and leave or go with them and not drink and thats a funny feeling for me just to sit and drink seltzer...

i'm very liberal and considered volunteering/interning at the ACLU or amnesty international or the drug policy alliance.

drugs really fucked up my life. i had a great life and just started getting high all the time and stopped talking to everybody except my one buddy who i used with, every day for 4-5 years who went the AA/NA path and now doesn't talk to me anymore which i guess is ok but we were best friends for over a decade (before and during our drug addictions).

i guess as you get older finding great friends is more difficult than during K-12 education...


one side note... i was at work and an OLD OLD friend walked in (about 6-8 months ago), we talked and found out my apartment was right near his house so we hung out a few times and him and his friends did coke and oxy and i just smoked cigarettes and tried to have a good time but i just didn't really like their personalities regardless of the drug use. being around drugs doesn't bother me, being around drinking DOES bother me (even though i never drank much in my life, i just don't like loud obnoxious drunks).
 
Maybe your just boring?

I dont know, i find drugs make people less boring most of the time, thats why alot of people turn to them, whether or not they realise it.

If youve got nothing to bring to the table, like comedy for example, then why do people want to be around you?

Personally if i was in your situation i would find a sport and join a team and hang out with some of the dudes. Not everyone drinks(i know alot do), but sports generally attracts more sober people than other activities.
 
meetup.com is pretty sweet.

some of the online dating sites might be worth a try.

yoga class is also a good place to meet open minded people.
 
My brother met his wife on a dating site 6 years ago. they are madly in love.
 
yeah i'm pretty boring but so is everybody else. i mean who has exciting lives besides rock stars and pro-athletes? everyone has a boring 9-5 job for the most part and thats it. i'd say i'm more interesting than most people because i'm well educated, but maybe you're right, maybe i'm just dull and no one has any interest to want to be around me. :\

but ya know i'm really happy since i've gotten clean and having no friends doesn't really bother me. other people just point out i have no social life but i'm fine with that. i mean i'm going to 5 or 6 concerts in the next 4 months with a buddy of mine but other than that i don't go out much. i work 47 hours a week and spend time with my family and that's it. but i guess my happiness is all that matters right?
 
moonyham said:
I dont know, i find drugs make people less boring most of the time, thats why alot of people turn to them, whether or not they realise it.
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yeah when i was shooting oxy and coke and speed and heroin and laying in my bed nodding and going through withdrawal every morning i was REALLY fun to hang around 8)

nobody likes hanging out with people fucked up outta their mind, drugs don't make people interesting they make them obnoxious, annoying or a big downer. a tweaker is the worst to be around and they're the only ones i can possibly imagine you consider to be LESS BORING when high because they'd keep up a conversation better than being sober but thats only if you're tweaking too! a junkie is the most un-interesting person on the planet. they have one interest and that is getting more dope, period. if you happen to get close to them you are seen simply as either helping them get more dope with money or rides or are just a pain in the ass who they try to get away from to be alone so they can get high uninterrupted and nod off.

maybe you've never been seriously addicted to hard drugs? or maybe you're thinking casual use of drugs makes people appear more interesting? i'm not really sure what you're saying. i've never met anyone who uses drugs who i would rather be around than if they weren't using drugs and thats if i'm sober OR high....

drugs make people boring. drugs make boring people's lives more interesting at first but then MUCH MORE boring as the person becomes addicted.
 
^alcohol? Makes people less shy and more talkative usually. Thats what i had in mind.
 
Are you absolutely against being friends with someone just because the drink alcohol or do drugs? If you are you will have a real hard time finding friends.
 
being friends with users of particular drugs can lead to peer pressure to get back on, and totally blow all the time spent trying to stay clean.
 
SpecialK_ said:
Are you absolutely against being friends with someone just because the drink alcohol or do drugs? If you are you will have a real hard time finding friends.
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Most people don't use drugs or drink to excess often. What are you getting at? Dude's been addicted to more drugs than you have probably even tried, who the fuck are you to lecture him?
 
Less shy and more talkative does not equal less boring by my experience. Alcohol or similar means to prolixity often equals assertively boring, something exponentially worse than quiet and reserved. Alcohol promoted as social lubricant ought come with a warning label that states it may well annihilate many more social opportunities than it creates.

I'm a drunkard and I'd much rather make friendships in a sober, mission oriented environment than any drunken environment as most drinking friendships are low quality even when the participants are good people.

enoughorangejuice? I think music and ACLU related causes will be great opportunities to make new friendships.
 
Dont get me wrong im not some piss head or whatever, but to just NEVER drink would be pretty boring. Its fun to have a few beers with my mates. What i really should say is that you wont really find anyone who is strait sober all the time.. and if you do they will probably be some religious nut.
 
Most people are straight sober most of the time...

or have you been spending too much time on internet drug forums to remember that?

And actually I find people who don't drink much more interesting than people who do. With people who drink often there's always that same cognitive script. People who don't drink are capable of surprising you in social situations.
 
Im not trying to say most people are fucked most of the time. But whatever, if you find strait people more interesting, good for you! I find them stuck up and stressed out personally, with a 'im better than you because i dont smoke/drink' attitude.
 
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