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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards

best drugs for introspection / self-therapy?

girlygrrl

girlygrrl

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2010
Messages
771
Location
Southwest, USA
I suffer from depression due to inner conflicts and motivational issues and post-traumatic stress..what might be the best substance(s) for introspection to resolve this kind of thing to "get my groove back"?

I once comboed cannabis (I rarely smoke pot), K, MDMA, shrooms, and nitrous and I got like 5 yrs worth of self-therapy in a couple hours, but I vowed to myself to never do anything *that* crazy again.

I have plenty of mephedrone and it works great for relaxing me and relieving depression, but I don't like doing a lot of it because it is more of a band-aid than a real solution. I just need to re-build my confidence and feel excited about life again...I know logically that life is pretty good and I have tons of opportunity and great friends and whatnot.

But all this stuff from the past that makes me feel "stuck" and pessimistic. Like having people I deeply trusted completely betray me, the death of a business associate, loss of spirituality/faith, loss of a relationship, confusion about sexual orientation, difficulty overcoming religious indoctrination, financial issues including the stress of an IRS audit, going through a foreclosure, etc.

I don't have the patience and money to spend a decade in therapy trying to fix things. I just need to be happy with myself and figure out how to be motivated enough to focus on my goals again.

I was thinking of doing MDMA again because that really helped a lot in the past, but I'm kinda unsure how rolling solo might be, the threads here seemed mixed.

I know everyone's going to immediately jump on me and tell me to do SSRI's, but I've done them and I hate them, it is a band-aid, I need to let go of my issues not mask them...I don't believe I have a chem imbalance I just feel that stress of life has caused me to lose my way.

The happiest times I had was in my early 20's when I was going out clubbing and hitting up raves, but now that I'm in my 30's I'm just wanting to feel good about myself again and feel more productive in my life. I also want to find someone special but it seems like the people I've been dating lately are "settling for less" types rather than soulmate types. I've been in real love before and I don't think I can find it again until I can figure out how to love myself again first.
 
Mushroom trip in nature with a good friend. Eat them about 45 minutes prior to sunset, have fun.
 
In my experience drugs on their own and without qualified psychological guidance are unlikely to fully solve your problems. They may speed up the process.

You sound like you have a good understanding of what your issues are. Do you know what their roots are? How long have you been experiencing these problems? Low self-esteem is quite often linked to early/childhood experiences. Emotionally distant parent(s), or not as loving as they could have been. This is much more common that we imagine, truly loving parents tend to be an exception rather than the norm. By loving I mean real, unconditional love, whereby they accept you for who you are and the mistakes you make. True love means never having to say sorry.

A rational understanding of the problem and its root does not resolve it. You need to allow yourself to experience all this on an emotional level, to basically grieve whatever it is you missed and which is now causing these problems. Ask yourself: "how does this make me feel"? And accept your feelings.

Carl Rogers (an American psych) put it like this: "If you can accept yourself as you are and give yourself permission to have difficulty with it, then the curious paradox is that you will change".

You don't need to do a lengthy psychotherapy to address all these issues. Self help is do-able but it is better initially to receive qualified counselling.

Once you have a better emotional understanding of the problem(s) you might benefit from using some substances (caveat - very occasionally). In my opinion trying to rush things won't work. Remember to take it one day at a time.

BTW I am not a qualified shrink. But I have gone through the hoops... A medium dose LSD trip in my late teens really helped me understand the dynamics of my relationship with my parents, but it didn't resolve anything. I was left with a lot of anger towards them and my problems got worse. Fast forward nearly 20 years (during which I abused a lot of drugs, had a very unhappy marriage end and generally felt like shit about myself and my relations with others) and here I am only just now going through the grieving/healing process. At least there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Just remember to take it easy with yourself. No blaming. Just acceptance. Love. One day at a time. :)
 
As far as drugs go, can only be psyches (and their good chums the Divine Dissociatives). Drugs alone are rarely the answer but self-medication with psyches does me the world of good - far more than any doctor, psychiatrist or psychologist ever has. It's definitely not the answer for everybody though...

Check out the Good People of PDland and some of their fine threads (found in the PD Index linky in my sig) for a ton of information and experience of psyches for therapeutic reason :)
 
Mushrooms for me, man. The ability to take myself apart, clean all the pieces, fix the broken parts, and put them all back together. It was fluid and powerful and confusing, but it changed my life.
 
I haven't been able to try LSD yet but I did try 2c-e, and that kicked my ass...I'm pretty sure I took too much of it though. If I can handle a solo 2c-e trip would that prepare me for LSD?
 
2C-E is often compared to LSD - probably as close as you'll get with any other drug. Acid tends to be more euphoric but also can also turn dark easier than acid does. But it doesn't take you off to Dark Places very often... they are the places you need to go for therapeutic stuff though. If you can cope with moderate-highish dose 2C-E acid should be no problem.
 
MDMA always makes me have mind blowing realizations of my life i figure out all my problems. helps way more than therapy.
 
T-2 is my first choice for self therapy, deeply introspective and insightful thinking.. you can get alot done with this one.
 
T+90 and the pill is too weak I popped a second and did a small bump of meph, starting to get slight tracers, and a little euphoria but nothing mind-blowing yet. I am optimistic though :)
 
I'd skip the meph if I were you cos it cancels out much of the effects of MDMA. Surely more proof of its innate wrongness :D

Also about as far from therapeutic as a drug can get, in my opinion. Each to their own :)

Lewp: 2C-T-2 was mostly a haze of visuals and euphoria for me but only had it twice a long time ago. Remember liking it a lot though.
 
What were your doses like shambles?
I spend most of my time on it with my eyes closed, OEV's aren't anything that spectacular, CEV's is when the incredibleness is :D In higher doses around 40mgs+ is when its most therapeutic for me
 
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